Where did men get the memo that pouting will help their marriage and connection with their wife? By surveying women, ninety-five percent see the same situations in their marriage that will push and shut them down from intimacy. It is like some men were born with a gene that doesn’t realize how their actions can affect how distant their spouse gets. Women across countries, states, and cities complain about the same behaviors that shut down their intimate desires and leave them feeling nonsexual.
If anything, I hope this article is a memo to teach men that if they take that time that they haven’t had sex with their spouse and can triple it every time they do any of the following:
Pouty Husband + Turned-off Wife = Distance
Walking in a huff, storming out of a room, or pointing out everything your spouse does wrong will shut your woman off from feeling that loving feeling. It is such a bold statement that cuts a deep wound and women have a hard time reconnecting from such action against them.
Husbands asking the question “Will we ever have sex again?”
When a man asks such a question, a woman is thinking “um, just for asking that…NOPE…not now for sure!” If I was beginning to feel intimate, I don’t think the feeling would stay too long because, whether you realized it or not, you turned me off by asking this and I don’t want you to touch me because you really don’t see me and my feelings, only yours! This question probably is asked when she might finally feel like she is getting ready to want to be intimate again, because she got over your pouting, storming out, or constant demeaning reminders but you just pushed it away with a brick wall by saying “will we ever have sex again?”.
For intamacy to happen on a regular basis and for it to be passionate and good for the woman, the woman needs to feel safe. Not just physically safe, but safe with her feelings. She also needs to know and feel that she isn’t constantly being criticized or that she is disappointing her mate/spouse. She wants/needs to feel respected, admired, important, loved, and an equal. Oh, we must say that word an equal. Most men, where intimacy is lost in their relationships, often talk down to their mates; therefore causing the woman to lose the feeling of being an equal but more like a dog being constantly punished for not understanding why it just can’t do anything right. If her spouse/mate isn’t showing her they are equal and making her feel equal until or right before bedtime or until he wants sexual intercourse, she will be shut down from him emotionally and physical exhaustion lost how to climb back up the hill to feel tingle wants of intimacy If this becomes an ongoing pattern, there will be a distance between the two harder and harder to bring together. She will NOT be able to be in a physical relationship with him because there is no emotional relationship. Women need the emotional relationship for a physical relationship to exist! I know that men have heard this before! Why, then, is it so hard for them to figure it out? The simplest of little things can make a relationship work, but the same lack of things can make it fail.
But men are very good at turning it around and blaming us for the “distance” in our relationship when it simply is something that was rooted way before the intimacy never happened.
Keeping the right women is like nurturing a garden. Like-wise a woman likes to look after your garden if she has the strength to look after it. But if you don’t water, weed and groom a garden, the garden will have little to give back.
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Joanna founded Love Engineer Dating and Relationship Advice blog in 2004 after she saw her friends struggling to date in Silicon Valley. Over the years she has introduced 11 couples who got married and still remain married years later.