Question: Why am I single, as I watch all my friends getting married and having children. I know I deserve love but can’t seem to find it. I online date, I go out to social functions walk up to men and give them my number, I ask friends to set me up, but nothing works out. Men who I am attracted too don’t return my calls, phone texts or emails. A friend pointed out I try to go for men way out of my league. How can I tell what my league is and have better success in men responding back to me?
Answer: I think it’s about energy. Being the pursuer is masculine energy, and opposites attract. So if you’re attracted to masculine energy men that’s why they’re not attracted to you. It’s like a magnet. When you try to put two magnets together they repel each other. You need to either seek out feminine energy men, or work on becoming a feminine energy woman. And let me clarify, a feminine energy man doesn’t mean effeminate. It means he likes to make love, take care of the house, be creative and have fun. He wants to take care of you emotionally. Masculine energy is more career, money and power driven, he wants to be the provider. Energy has nothing to do with gender. So when you approach a man and give him your number, or call, text or email him, you’re exhibiting masculine energy. If you want a masculine energy man try just making eye contact and smiling. That will give him an invitation to come talk to you. Let him lead the conversation. Touch his arm or something to show you’re interested, but let him ask for your number. Essentially, you need to let the man, be the man. And if he doesn’t make a move then he’s not the right man anyway. You deserve a man who gets you, and is thrilled to meet you. I also want to caution you that it sounds like you’re working very hard to connect with a man. Frequently that energy comes across to potential suitors as desperation, even when you think you’re being cool. Energy is contagious, and when you put too much must-have on something you push it away. The best connections are usually made when you’re not expecting it. Maybe try taking your focus off a dating for a little while—that might just find you the one.
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Donna Barnes is a NYU Certified Life & Relationship Coach and the author of Giving Up Junk-Food Relationships: Recipes for Healthy Choices.. She is based on New York’s Upper West Side but coaches clients all over the world via Skype or telephone to help them find the romantic bliss they crave. She’s been the on-air Relationship Expert for ABC News’ hit series “What Would You Do?” for three seasons. She taught Bret Michael’s girls to “Rock at Love” on VH-1. And you may have previously seen her on Good Morning America, Fox News, Late Show with David Letterman, NBC’s Today Show, CBS’s Early Show and CNN just to name a few. www.DonnaBarnes.com