Not fighting fair can really damage a relationship. The minute a couple can embrace fighting fair when an argument arises their relationship will grow to be stronger and both parties will see the other partner has the other partner’s best interest in mind . Below is a list of do’s and don’ts when fighting.
Each party should never do the following:
- Attacking of giving insults
- Blaming, criticizing and or judging
- Name calling of any kind
- Using profanity
- Character assassination. For example calling the other person “Crazy”
- Playing games to win the fight and prove the other one is in the wrong
- Threats. For example bringing up divorce
- Yelling, throwing, hitting or pushing
- Give ultimatums
- Bring up every other fight or issue the relationship had in the past
- Give the silent treatment
- Bring in other people or their opinions
- Walk out the door without saying you will be back later
- Be soft with the words that are use
- Be kind and gentle, remember you are equals
- Reassure your spouse by saying loving things, like compliments or praise during the argument
- Take responsibility for what you can change that caused the argument and can improve the relationship. There is always room for self growth
- Ask for what you need in the relationship to get past the argument
- Complain without blaming your spouse
- Work on seeing the other person’s perspective
- Focus on feelings
- Stop when you feel you are losing control and take a 20 minute break, make sure, to ensure your partner it is only 20 minutes and you will be back and not abandoning them or the hurt their feelings.
Relationships will see an immediate difference if the couples fight fair and the relationship will grow stronger.
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Joanna founded Love Engineer Dating and Relationship Advice blog in 2004 after she saw her friends struggling to date in Silicon Valley. Over the years she has introduced 11 couples who got married and still remain married years later.