Understanding How to Fight Fair When Relationships Have Tense Moments

couples fighting fairWhen couples dating or married get into arguments it is important to fight fair.

Not fighting fair can really damage a relationship. The minute a couple can embrace fighting fair when an argument arises their relationship will grow to be stronger  and both parties will see the other partner has the other partner’s best interest in mind . Below is a list of do’s and don’ts when fighting.

Each party should never do the following:

  • Attacking of giving insults
  • Blaming, criticizing and or judging
  • Name calling of any kind
  • Using profanity
  • Character assassination. For example calling the other person “Crazy”
  • Playing games to win the fight and prove the other one is in the wrong
  • Threats. For example bringing up divorce
  • Yelling, throwing, hitting or pushing
  • Give ultimatums
  • Bring up every other fight or issue the relationship had in the past
  • Give the silent treatment
  • Bring in other people or their opinions
  • Walk out the door without saying you will be back later


  • Be soft with the words that are use
  • Be kind and gentle, remember you are equals
  • Reassure your spouse by saying loving things, like compliments or praise during the argument
  • Take responsibility for what you can change that caused the argument and can improve the relationship. There is always room for self growth
  • Ask for what you need in the relationship to get past the argument
  • Complain without blaming your spouse
  • Work on seeing the other person’s perspective
  • Focus on feelings
  • Stop when you feel you are losing control and take a 20 minute break, make sure, to ensure your partner it is only 20 minutes and you will be back and not abandoning them or the hurt their feelings.

Relationships will see an immediate difference if the couples fight fair and the relationship will grow stronger.

A must read for couple - How to fight fair when relationships have tense moments

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  1. Great article here. I don’t think there is enough help availale out there to guide people when such incidents occur in a relationship. Short hints and tips such as these are needed more often!

  2. what is the point of this article? no-ones going to search or listen to anything like this when their in an argument…

  3. Your argument of no ones cares might be your point of view, looking at our analytics and thank you emails from readers we can see several of our readers have used the article to avoided hostel situations.

  4. This is possible — but it can take work, especially if you’re used to unhealthy patterns and when emotions run high. You make a choice: Do I want be the person in the first list or the second list? Then you practice, practice, practice on it. You will take two steps back repeatedly, but you apologize for it, and just keep on trying to do the best you can.

  5. Thank you for posting. The next weeks I will have a lot of arguments to prove your advice. 😀

  6. Me and Olga never fought about anything. I always just accepted what ever she wanted. What about physically wrestling over something you disagreed on like where to travel to next?

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