The Do’s and Don’ts of Dating an Engineer.

Do's and don'ts of dating an engineerThere is all types of engineers out there and each of them can vary in personalities. But like all men they are simple. You really don’t need to over think things with them, they are very honest and to the point. But like with any man they have their needs as do women.

When dating an engineer you have to remember they think analytical and practical. Logical thinking will always prevail over the romantic gestures.  This type of thinking is excellent for a life partner if you are seeking marriage or a long term relationship that is stable. In my book I rather pick stable and practical person, such as an engineer to have a relationship with then a romantic that is unreliable, commitment phoebe who is in and out of your life.

This does not mean engineers are not romantic, however more so by the book romantic such as going to look at sunsets, giving red roses or taking you on a trip to napa valley for the weekend.  Some might think this is vanilla and if they need more of a tear jerking emotionally gut retrenching romance with harps and cherubs there are artists or bad boys who would suit your needs.

When deciding engineers are your thing be warned their personalities vary depending on what segment their profession is in. I have noticed different engineering professions cultivate different personalities. For instance in my experience mechanical engineers, civil engineers and chemical engineers are often more outgoing then programmers or electrical engineers.  Some dress well, some will never understand that black dress socks don’t go with running shoes or sandals. Some engineering wardrobes are full of free shirts, jackets and hats with company logos of companies they have worked or vendors gave them as a gift. Unless they are a sales engineer most won’t own a suit and if they do it is very outdated and they will not feel comfortable wearing it so don’t push them too.

At the same time there are similarities. It doesn’t matter which engineering segment they work in my experience most all engineers like sci-fi, video games, history, and the color blue.  It doesn’t matter what kind of blue from the color blue of electrostatic mats in engineering labs to blue shirts, to them there is a comfort in the color blue. Also, most engineers are in some fashion color blind and blue is the most dominate color.  It is a bonus to an engineer if you love sci-fi and get sci-fi humor. As well all engineers are open to clothing suggestions but don’t push them out of their comfort zone or it could back fires.

When you are on the first date with one, the biggest thing to remember is first impressions are big for them. If you can hold a conversation with them and talk about common interested, stimulate their mind with your knowledge they will find that to the be the most attractive part about you.

When coming up with date ideas avoid the suit and tie events and hit the science museums, a trendy gastropub or brewery, have a sci-fi movie night,  go to a comedy club, get out play video games and do his favorite sport or hit a laid back restaurant or sports bar. When it comes to gifts for an engineer you can always win by finding out what was their favorite sci-fi movie, video game, tv show as a kid and find either:

  • Cufflinks that have a sci-fi theme, engineers often don’t own cufflinks because they don’t wear suits but at some point they will be invited to a wedding black tie event and be grateful they had some.
  • A shirt that has their favorite sci-fi characters
  • Or any of the following items

Now when dating them, depending on the type for example if you find one that is more dominate. He will be more old school and pick the places to go on your dates, maybe even order the drinks, food and etc. One thing in common with most of them, is they enjoy good food and drinks. They are always willing to try a new places and sometimes the most trendy places you can think of.

You also have your more reserved  engineer that are more career focused so getting them to do things out of work can be hard especially if they are on a deadline, so don’t take it personally when they work 80 hours a week or even come home to work some more. They love what they do, and it will always come first. With these types, best to have your own hobbies and interest cause if you don’t and always try to “nag” for their attention it will just push them further away. Even though it seems you will hardly see them, they do make up for it when you are together.

When getting to that pivotal moment in a relationship where people say I love you. An engineer might take his time. This is a good thing, you don’t want someone who throws around such words lightly. They want to make sure it is right, they probably wanted to tell you for a but feared it is too soon.

Some engineers reading this are probably fuming and for those I will say regarding the above there are always exceptions to the rules.  Those same engineers are probably saying what makes her an expert? Well I come from a family of engineers, my mother a civil engineer and brother a civil and mechanical engineer,  I spent 13 years living in Silicon Valley the mecha  of engineers  working in the robotics, software, telecom and nanotech space surrounded to engineers and had to understand how they think so I can market products to them and in 2012 married a software engineer.

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38 Comments

  1. I can say I am a mechanical engineer who loves materials sciences and I am a woman. I am a very loyal person and would not say the words “I love you” without meaning it. I am deeply dedicated to the craft, and tired of disposable mentality. Yet I am simple, I could talk about anything and I find romance in the most simplistic of places. I do not like high maintenance guys and would rather amble around in my most comfortable clothes. I once dated a man who was into Ed Hardy, spangly crosses in jean pockets, and enough cologne to choke the city of Los Angeles. Needless to say it did not last. And how did you know I love the color blue. Robin egg blue, and sky blue. Hats off, girl you nailed it :~)

  2. I’m a Mechanical Engineer, too. I loved your article. It explained several aspects of our lives very well! I am now divorced and I find myself having a really hard time dating because of the disconnect between “Normal” personalities and mine, that of an engineer. Like you said, I love my job! I love being able to see what I have created at the end of the day! However, I would also like to find a woman that can understand, well, me. I’m finding it tough to get to a first date much less a second date. It truly takes a special woman to be able to understand us and love us just the way we are. Our personalities, thought processes and actions are hard wired into us. That’s what makes us good at our jobs, but it can make us hard to live with. A lot of people can’t deal with our logical reasoning, linear thought processes and subsequent decisions that are made from the analysis of the pending problem. The bottom line is that we are who we are. I don’t think we could really change if we wanted to. But, as I said, this was a very good article. Thank you for writing it. Now off to find something that isn’t broken and add more features to it. Lol! You can never have too many buttons or features!

  3. Oh, BTW – My favorite color is orange. However, as I went and looked just to see, the majority of my clothing is blue. Go figure!

  4. I have been dating a Mechanical Design Engineer for almost two years and still feel excited to see him when its been a few days and by the time I have spent 3 or 4 days with him I need a break. I nicked named him practical Larry within 2 weeks of dating him. He is loyal, helpful and kind! But on the flip side, he is direct and thoughtless and cheap. So much of the article describes him to a tee. I am a very thoughtful and caring Libra. I like that I must stand my ground with my Engineer and that he is safe to be myself with and to say my peace. His methodical ways have paid off big time in helping me with countless situations. Down side, he wants to solve all my problems and not just let me vent, but that is any man. Overall, he is the best man I have ever dated and I am happy with him.

  5. We do tend to be very loyal, and look beneath the surface. What tires us out quickly is too much flash and no substance. I have been told I am too academic sounding, linear, black and white et cetera. The truth is, I see in more dimensions than given credit for. An interesting thing about cheap. An example is I could buy something at Target, or build it for my daughter (the Mechanical Engineer in me). There is joy in creating and problem solving. I dislike how things are thrown away too quickly and go for quality, yet would love a simple band of gold or silver for a wedding ring. Symbology is not as important as love, and loyalty. We may not show our love overtly, but look beneath.

  6. Realistically you’re really only feeding to a stereotype. Everyone is different, regardless if you’re an engineer or not. I greatly dislike when people categorize engineers as a specific type of people and I find myself quite offended.

  7. Jim Valley I agree that it takes a special woman to understand… I would love to have an engineer as a husband, I think they reliable, true and honest. I rather have my own hobbies without nagging than nagging and end up with a normal guy that won’t understand me ha-ha…. I am an artist and we also different….

  8. The article and responses to those who stated they were engineers or dating one has brought me so much relief. I am in a relationship with my boyfriend who is a mechanical engineer and is all of the above. His favorite color and obsession is blue, he is an introvert, he loves video or computer games, doesn’t like to socialize with people, etc. But I fell in love with him for who he is and the gentle person he was to me. In the beginning I never knew his personality was who I have now known him to be, so it was extremely difficult journey but I have stood by his side, learned to try to understand him, and go online to read articles and comments like here on this website and it helps me a lot. When I read the above comments I couldn’t be more happy and feel a big sense of relief that I’m not loved or being dismissed…He is just different from me in communication.

  9. I like the article and thanking you for sharing! I do fine brainy type of men are very attractive. I don’t focus too much on how he looks but personality. I went on the first date with a civil engineer, he was so quiet. So, I was the one doing the talk and had to bring up stuff to keep our conversations going. He after we finished dinner, he drove straight to my place to drop me off. It was the shortest date I ever had haha…like two hours or less.

    After he dropped me off, he gave me a hug and said finally he gets to meet me. I just said thank you for having me.

    He went quiet for a couple days, and I thought that would be it, there would be no more date with him. He texted me back later on saying that he has been busy with work and his exam and sorry that he didn’t text me sooner. So, I poked some fun and told him that I was talking to much and that probably scared him away. He said no no, in contrast, I was helping him out on the first date. We have been dating for almost two months, talk a bit more and I can see that he is really dedicate to his work and his engineer stuff.

  10. I am currently in love with a civil engineer. He was hard to talk to, the first time I met him. Choppy sentence structure….he had trouble completing sentences but when relaxed he can have very meaningful, serious conversations with full sentences. Massages always help him relax and then the words flow out of him like water running. I love spending time with him, but GETTING time with him is almost impossible. He breaks plans with me constantly, pushes our date times back, and can’t commit to time schedules. We are currently in a bit of a tiff because he cancelled on me and did nothing to make it up to me for 5 days. I have yet to receive a birthday card or see him go out of his way for me. He is not one to be inconvenienced. His main form of communication is texting. He isn’t generous with his money, he is a slob but always smells good, and he loves early 70’s sappy songs. I love the music he loves so that part is awesome. He comes from a great family and I really like every person he has introduced me to. He works out often and looks great because of it. When I asked what color we should paint his room, he said baby blue. I am torn about this guy but after reading this article, I understand more.
    I would like to be married one day. I know he would be happy with me. I can make his life 100 times better. I know it in my gut. I don’t want to change him but life together would be so much more fulfilling together in one home. But I am afraid to wait for him to be ready. With the amount of time I get to be with him, it would take 10 years for this guy to be ready. I am also older than he is so that’s another factor. I could wait forever and he could change his mind, only leaving me alone and older.
    Thanks for letting me vent about my relationship with a civil engineer. 🙂

  11. Everything you don’t like about him right now will probably be there in marriage and be worse. If you don’t like his long work hours or him canceling plans unless there is a drastic change these behaviors will carry into marriage. Don’t look at it as you can make his life 100 times better, but look at what he is draining currently from your life. Look at how you can fulfill your life with our without him in your life. A healthy marriage is two people coming together in a happy state, not a bandage of unhappy feelings trying to get mended.

  12. I think I’m a pretty typical Mechanical Engineer, but I hate Si-Fi, don’t play video games, don’t work 80 hours a week or work at home. Maybe I’m not so typical after all! But I think your article was generally accurate and informative.

  13. Im a rockets and energy engineer and must say that somehow you are right. I love the blue color in a shirt. And yes i wouldn’t say i love you to anyone unless in 150% sure of my feelings.

  14. I’m in love with an electrical engineer he is hard to talk too at times he gets moody like you have done something wrong, I tried to call, text him he doesn’t reply can u assist what it seems to be wrong here

  15. Hi , I am a civil engineer . Earthquake engineering graduate .
    I’d like to marry a woman civil engineer or architect . 🙂

  16. I’m a geotechnical engineer. Depending on the workload and deadlines, I work 40h to 80h a week, I travel all over the world on assignments lasting months at a time and rarely see much humans outside work due to the isolated locations I work at. When I am home with my girlfriend I just want to be pampered and wear my pajamas all day long.

  17. I was dating an engineer for almost a year now. He is divorced, has 3 children and is very affectionate and caring towards me. I was very unsure in the beginning because of our age difference ( he is 9 years older than me) and I also noticed and he made it know he preferred to text over talk on the phone and we has tines when we weren’t on the same page in communication. I was recently laid off my job and was very stressed with finding a new job and apartment and I was in a pretty bad place. We had a lot of ups and downs during this time and I ultimately broke up with him thinking it wouldn’t work. I instantly regretted it and we made up, however he was still very sensitive to what happened. I acknowledge my mistake and did things to make up for it such as apologizing, taking him out to dinner as well to a date night event that he enjoyed. All was going well and we hit another rough patch and he called things off. He said he held me at high regards, I made him happy, but he wants emotionally ready due to the events that occurred ( these are events that occurred with his ex wife and children) I was devastated and did not try to push him but tried to be understanding as I did not want him to shut me out. It ha’s been two weeks since he called it off and we have spoken somewhat frequently through text and in person. I really miss him and want him back. I’m not sure what to do, seeMs I have lost his trust. Any advice will be great I am heartbroken.

  18. Accurate article and so on point! My issue with my civil engineer bf is also him getting into phases of silence and being busy or distracted to the point he doesn’t call back or text back. It is really frustrating and exhausting, but hopefully it will get better since this happened before. He is the sweetest guy I have ever met, but i guess he is wired differently. I am a therapist and all about thoughts and feelings, so dating him is really a challenge!

  19. I am not an engineer (town planner) but I work with engineers and most of my friends are engineers. I have observed and believe that many of the stereotypes and traits of engineers show a lot in common with people with aspergers syndrome- an interest in objects over people, sci Fi, little interest or awareness of fashion, etc. in fact, there is a higher incidence of those with aspergers in engineering, and vice versa. hence, I think the stereotypes and personality traits this article describes are synonymous with those with aspergers syndrome. (btW, I have aspergers, and perhaps that’s why I get on with engineers.)

  20. Well I really appreciate all the comments, I have been texting with a mechanical engineer and so far everything that you guys described is true, he’s a little bit into his engineer world , he’s quiet and distant at times…

  21. I agree with PNKSRTRNGR.
    Iam a BioMedical Engineer and I can attest that not all Engineers are the same. Much as I know most of the things you’ve talked about and others commented on apply to me, they don’t apply to my other friend whom we shared the same class and lectures for the entire program. He is almost everything I am not. I am introvert( and my girlfriend secretly nick-named me Mr Taciturn), not fashon conscious, and spend much time on the computer but not playing games(the only games I play are Eurotruck Simulator and Zuma. Lol). Two weeks ago my computer’s operating system partition was accedentary marked inactive by my girlfriend.( or she wanted to see how I would react ). I had no recovery disk ,disk image or whatsover to use except for her extracted win 7. So I built a disk image and created a bootable disk right the same night and brought it back to life. I couldn’t bear to see it lying unfixed until the next day.
    And I,subconsciously have been using a blue toothbrush since 2006.I atleast have two dark blue and three sky blue suits. Most of my trousers and T-shirts are blue but don’t have any blue shirts except my golfshirt (which isn’t a shirt either)
    But my friend is the opposite of this.Instead it is a surgeon who’s been with me at primary school that behaves just like me.
    That explains it. Not every Engineer has those traits. But thanks anyway. The article was helpful to me and I will refer to it whenever I’m going on a date with my girlfriend though I feel offended to be seen as a specific kind of a person.

  22. Nice article. I am an engineer who has been helping my fellow engineers with their love life for years. I am now tying to get more info out to the guy engineers who are lonely. It is sad, the guys I work with, most are lonely and would make great boyfriends, but they don’t go out and meet girls. I fear the plot of Idiocracy the movie may come to pass.

    My website if any guys engineers need it is girlfriendforengineer.com It is free. Thanks again for the entertaining well written article!

    I am always looking for good advice from the ladies on my content also!

  23. OMG– thanks SOOOOO very much. I am new to dating the unique character of an engineer and, as i am sure you know, it is *interesting* to say the least. Lol. To us “ordinary” people, these types of men are as puzzling as anything that we have *ever* experienced and yes, I took many of his strange (read: NON SOCIAL) traits personally at first. Long story short, enter in emotional talks, his increasing distance from our relationship..etc. You understand as you are an engineer and can surely understand exactly what was thinking and feeling in response to my “normal people” reactions.

    After searching the web for a slew of topics such as “how to speak successfully to your mate”, “how to attract your distant boyfriend”, attracting An Aries man..” I came across a meme that spoke about an engineers uncanny ability to live off of last minute deadlines and coffee. It struck me as funny and caused me to think “Omg- my mate is *exactly* that kind of person. Should I be researching questions like “How to date an *engineer*” “How to understand/talk to/entertain..an *engineer*”?

    YES! YES! YEEES!!!. I have come to realize that there is God, and then-there are engineers. And, just like their job description says: they make things happen.. kinda like God himself 😉 ..

    So- after reading multiple memes , i came across your page – you’ve guessed it– it’s EXACTLY the info that I’ve been searching for (without knowing it)!! You have become my new God. I really thought that this relationship was doomed.. I wasn’t sure how he would ever be successful in *any* relationship….But, like most geniuses, it simply takes a patient woman who thinks a bit differently herself.

    Again, thank you SOOOO very much. You alone have given me so much hope, i actually *believe* that our relationship will work and is surely worth sticking to. 🙂

  24. Not all of them share these qualities. My ex had a lot of great ones and terrible ones but could explain his work (he’s an academic in computer science) wonderfully. I always felt on top of his work although he wouldn’t help me with “consumer electronics”. Turns out he sucks as a professor.

    Current partner either does boring as h*ll work or has no idea how to talk about to make it appealing. It’s like explaining the individual steps of an organic chem reaction in great detail, when the benzene group breaks the double bond and then what step allows the hydroxyl group to react and the specific energy exchanged. Or something. I don’t deal with reactions on that level. I try to explain the deadly dullness but it’s hopeless.

    Obviously he’s not boring in all ways but that work thing! I can’t take it.

  25. While you explain engineers as being “simple, like all men”, I must disagree. Those of low ability tend to explain things they don’t understand in either simplistic terms or as simple. Men and especially engineers internalize thoughts. This does not make them simple.

    To describe women as complex is also inaccurate. In reality, women are simple but irrational. Their irrational behavior is described as complex due to the lack of understanding of what causes the irrational behavior.

  26. I’m so glad I stumbled across this article. I’ve spent most of my life having crushes on men that happen to be engineers of some sort. I’ve always been shy and never acted on a crush, anymore than having my cheeks turn red when they would enter the room.
    I think I might be more brave in the future thanks to you! I’m more into ballet than video games, but the sci-fi and color blue comments really hit home for me. Thank you so much for the article ?

  27. Here in Florida working for NASA. I can across this article because I’m heavily frustrated with the dating scene and sites like eHarmony – really hope more women find this blog. Granted I don’t know what the solution is, but I’ll keep working on it – this article made my night (while I was studying on a Friday.) 😀 Thank you!

  28. Thank you so much for your effort and input! I am dating a highly skilled structural engineer and though I have lots of life skills and wisdom (worked in the healthcare field) I still encountered substantial challenges in this relationship.
    He may meet about 90% + of the trait you described. He has been married several times and is still trying to figure out what it was that he did not notice during the time he dated……..As for me, I am 20 years his senior and fell head over heal in love with his beautiful soul, value and ethics. He feel/says we complement each other perfectly and clicked the first time we met (which was raking fall leaves on a rainy day). In spite of my natural talent for reading people and working with those on the “spectrum” – he at times tests my limits.
    I find it amassing how very much he wants to be understood and respected for who he is, doing the right things, make optimal use of his talent and live with simplicity and order in his live. My believe is, that as close friends/partners or spouses we need to respect their deep-felt needs for creating a peaceful and fulfilling life for themselves. I like to understand the “WHY’s” but that is not important for him – rather the path of moving forward is.
    Most recently in a phone conversation, discussing an issue of loss due to relocation, I asked how he was feeling; As expected, he was in problem solving mode and did not assess the situation emotionally nor being aware of feelings; he said that after the move was completed, a living situation to his liking established, and the new job under control, then he would begin to process “feelings”. I explained that I paid attention to feelings guiding me simultaneously with cognitive decision making – there were a long pause, then he said Hummm. The next time we talked he started: “How are you feeling sunshine?”
    I believe as partners/friends we need to be willing to listen to their way of processing, finding their comfort level and respecting their need for privacy. Though we wear different glasses, one sees the trees another the forest, the homogeneous “US” need to become a place where trust grows, respect flourish, understanding unfolds and love is nurtured.
    Thanks for your time

  29. Thanx a lot for this article.been chatting with this mechanical engineer i met online recently.I’ve been trying to figure out his behavior and after reading your article and comments i think I now understand him better.

  30. retarded! identity politics madness. if you can’t identify with another human being in a meaningful way it has nothing to do with your profession! i am an engineer (of sorts-broadband) and i wouldn’t bore anyone, let alone a potential date with the ins and outs of adsl, fttc or fttp!! your profession does not make you as a person!

  31. I’m interested in dating an engineer. I’m very logical and use analysis in my work as well. I’m in central Florida. If anyone is interested, let me know!!!! Liz

  32. I beg to disagree in the distant part. Industrial engineer here, actually most dates get overwhelmed with the fact that I tend to plan which day to date a weak ahead of time, which sometimes people read as being needy or coming off too strong. But I do it due to being busy most of the time and the fact that I hate unpredictable changes to my routine or last time cancellations for illogical reasons.
    I do try to comunícate daily and my texts are quite lenghty as I try to write them when I have time so they are thoughtfull. So not exactly the cold person. Actually most women i find on dating sites tend to be way colder and low effort than me. One of my exes was an engineer as well, and she was way warmer tan most non-engineering women I have dated, and tended to put a lot of effort on her texting communication.

  33. Thank you for this website, article and comments! I am in love with a shy civil engineer coworker who is amazing and is well described here in all of the positive and vulnerable remarks. He looks most comfortable and confident in blue, which is most of the time! I am not an engineer myself, but we get to collaborate across disciplines (successfully) and share a lot of work, have plenty to talk or text about. This all helps me understand him so much more, and myself at the same time. I’d say to any engineer out there looking for love- study up on signs of flirtation. That person you’re looking for might be your friend or colleague who’s been trying to give you signals respectfully for years! Might help to remember that they are nervous too and don’t want to bother or distract you from your cherished work. Thanks again, so helpful for the long haul!

  34. As an outgoing Civil Engineer student with a graphic designer girlfriend, this article is hilarious in its accuracy.

  35. Women are pathetic. If you are an engineer reading this, stay single. These bitches want nothing but your wallet and your sperm, they are lying to themselves about that, and even if aware, they can’t just come out and say this (and that they’ll discard YOU emotionally after getting what they want). No, they all have to pretend they’re SPESHUL (“I’M NOT LIKE OTHER GRRRRLS!”).

    In fact, women distribute around the boringly normal fat part of the IQ bell curve, and when they meet a higher IQ man, they don’t know what to do or say to manipulate him into doing their will. So they project that onto HIM as “socially awkward” or whatever. “I don’t understand you, and I can’t easily push your buttons, so that must mean there’s something wrong with you.” The idiotcrats’ mantra. Sign up for that “till death do us part,” and you will be in hell.

    These prowling pussies want the high IQ engineer in their crosshairs to fill their dreams and quench their local tickle. They want him to be their Daddy, their lover, their wallet, their sperm donor, and their all-around prince charming…while they have nothing that a successful, competent, high IQ man wants or needs.

    I married another engineer–an extremely old-fashioned gal with an IQ over 140 and a great career and a set of geeky hobbies. We didn’t need each other, but damn we worked well together on big projects and small ones, and she was the opposite of easy. Which 99.99999999% of females are now, and they brag about it and project their degeneracy onto the man who dislikes that, in the form of “why are you being judgmental? why are you so repressed and awkward?” She didn’t win my heart forever by manipulating me. She didn’t have to. She simply was what every engineer loves: a coherent, functioning, highly intelligent complex system with five-nine reliability, designed for constantly positively evolving features. And she loved that in me as well.

    My advice to the females above: go date men more in your league, and stop plaguing engineers’ lives with your mediocrity and unexamined motives.

    FWIW my wife and I never dated, and we wouldn’t go near “online dating” with 7500 feet of shielded multiconductor cable. I met her at a railfan event at a steam train museum. She was in the workshop, rebuilding the boiler tube assembly of a train from the 1800s. Firetubes I think they’re called.

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