Suppose you’re used to attracting men who hurt you – if men keep showing up who want to hurt you, you know you’re not healed yet. But as the more “boring” guys start to show up, you’re getting healed! They may not “light your fire” like the men who fit perfectly into your old relationships patterns, but the boring guys who don’t want to hurt you are a actually a huge step in the right direction!
I’ve seen this happen over and over again. I’ve worked with many women who are only attracted to men who are unavailable in some way – emotionally, geographically, logistically, you name it – and if a man is available and actually interested in a real relationship, they don’t want anything to do with him.
If you feel like you’re a magnet for unavailable men, there’s a good chance that deep down you have your own fears of intimacy. The chemistry is often off the charts in relationships between two emotionally unavailable people because this is where they both feel safe – there is no chance for the risk of emotionally intimacy.
People who are emotionally unavailable themselves are often fine with only taking crumbs from the people they’re in relationships with because that’s all they can handle – many people can’t tolerate being loved or experiencing true intimacy.
You may be mistaking this highly addictive “chemistry” for love. Perhaps you immediately write off all the men who are interested in a real, full-time relationship because you don’t “feel it” for them – this superficial type of chemistry is not there. Meanwhile, you may find yourself getting your heart broken over and over again by these unavailable men. When your relationships end you might be left feeling even more hopeless, distrustful of men, and terrified of love.
When people don’t want to acknowledge how bad they’re feeling about themselves – they will often go out and seek out other people to hurt them. It’s as though they are HIRING them to do this.
The key to turning this around lies in uncovering your relationship patterns and everything you’re doing that’s blocking love from coming toward you. You may discover that you’re only attracted to the men who are “difficult” – the ones who are “too busy” for a relationship, or the ones who kept you on edge where you never know where you stand with them.
When you learn to stop chasing these men and ONLY spend time with men who’s energy is coming TOWARD you – that’s when everything can turn around. It’s important to stop making “instant chemistry” a requirement and start paying attention to how you feel about YOURSELF in a man’s presence, rather than whether or not he hits everything on your “checklist.” When you start feeling better about yourself, more and more high-quality available men will start showing up!
Suddenly the “boring” guys might become a lot more interesting! You’ll discover that REAL chemistry can be CREATED – by opening up your heart and experiencing a man loving you for exactly who you are.