He’s devastatingly charming, mesmerizingly handsome, and has an intoxicating charisma. He’s telling you how amazing you are and quickly commits to loving you forever. Have you finally found the love of your life? Or are you setting yourself up for the heartache that comes with loving a narcissist?
Unfortunately, some pretty amazing women have fallen for narcissists. Narcissists envy those they perceive as nearly perfect. In the beginning they can be very seductive and witty. It’s easy to plunge head over heels for one. But if you do, don’t count on living happily ever after. He’s not capable of truly caring for you.
Narcissism is extreme self-absorption. A narcissist’s brain cannot feel empathy, so it is impossible for a narcissist to achieve real intimacy with anyone. Outward appearances are what are important to him. Narcissists usually have tremendously high self-confidence and put themselves on a pedestal, above everyone else. They belittle those they view as inferior and expect everyone to always go along with them. However, they suffer from fragile self-esteem. Self-esteem and self-confidence frequently get mistaken for one another, but they are two separate things. Self-confidence is the belief in one’s ability to do something, self-esteem is how one feels about oneself; one’s inner dialog. Narcissists don’t handle criticism well, and within a relationship they commonly become manipulative, controlling, and unfaithful. They can even become abusive.
A narcissist loves to stroke his own ego. He will frequently jump from one relationship to the next. Since he’s not capable of emotional intimacy, he usually can’t sustain a relationship for very long. If he does, his partner feels incredibly lonely, and ends up giving so much more than she gets. Here are the signs to look for before you get too caught up in a narcissist’s serving of egocentricity.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Checklist:
___ He talks about himself and monopolizes the conversation.
___ He never asks about you, or never listens when he does.
___ He exaggerates his achievements or talents; acts boastful or conceited.
___ He expects constant praise or adoration.
___ He disregards or diminishes your feelings.
___ He’s demanding of you but isn’t there for you.
___ He puts himself first.
___ He has a sense of entitlement and becomes angry if not treated specially.
___ He’s easily hurt and easily feels rejected; he can’t handle criticism.
___ He has a fragile self-esteem but high self-confidence.
___ He thinks others are jealous of him.
___ He envies others who are successful, attractive, or stylish.
___ He takes advantage of others for his own gain.
___ He wants to have the best of everything and is materialistic.
Confidence is very attractive; and we all want someone who’s charismatic, charming and handsome. So how are you supposed to make a good choice? People can possess various narcissistic tendencies without having Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). But if you can check off five or more statements above, you are dating a narcissistic personality. Get out now! There is no hope for improvement. People with NPD are rarely changed even a little bit—and that is if they even want help, which most of them don’t, as they think they’re perfect. Don’t fool yourself into thinking there is any hope. Save yourself now; just move on.
Narcissism is more common in men but can affect women too.
I’ve been married for 10 years & we have 2 girls 10 & 6. My husband is retired military, so at first I thought it was P.T.S.D. but after reading this article, he has every single symptom. ( He’s not abusive) It’s become more noticeable in the past 3 to 4 years. I have started ignoring him & separating myself more in the past 2 years. I just focus all of my time & energy on my girls. I need to know what I can do, I need help. I love my family & want to keep it together, but I also want to do what’s best for them.
loving wife & mother
@MaiyunJohnson BOUNDARY BOUNDARIES….IS all you need allowing this narcissistic man to drain me almost made me jump out of our building with my boys in my hand….PLEASE remember that 1- he will make you look and act crazy in-front in the eyes of family and friend 2- you will get punish for going against him(rejecting to absorb the negative energy) so be informed and ready..
i spend hours on youtube watching 3 video a day for 5 month till i understood and completely learned that i was a dependent for 6 yrs. you’re less likely to become a prey when you stop been dependent <3
Heyward shepherd says
I’m glad to see you at least hold out the possibility that a woman can also be a narcissist too. I date the real deal for several years when I was younger. Will call her Sue. Sue was tall, blue eyed and a natural strawberry blond. She was a gifted artist and incredibly smart. Sounds great but there’s a proble sue was in readable self absorbed and indifferent to my feelings and needs. I finally got the point that she enjoyed humiliating me and tried to move on. Sue would call me all the time wanting to “get together” for lunch or coffee which always ended with sex. Then afterward she would regail me with details about her most recent fling guy including how good looking he is, how hard his body was, not like mine and even report on the size of his penis!!
I came here to find out about how to deal with my ex-girlfriend’s narcissism, which is becoming destructive over a year after i left her. But then I found that all narcissists are males! So, yay for that. Now all I have to do is figure out why this woman is so vengeful, and persistently so. Well-better keep looking.,
Alberta Doran says
Twice I married a Narcissist only after my second marriage I google it about personality and omg you hit it right on the spot! Well, I am divorce this second time the first one I walked out I prayed for a better which I had for 12 years the 13 was already going down hill and I was blind just trying my best to be a better wife. Negative, first one to I was a polish trophy he had no respect for me! Second time so full of shit he said he change but, yet so kot want to repent his sins and did not even give me a second chance yeah I fucked before I said laters well he is still my husband I trying to make it work but, like they it’s all about him! Divorce papers should be her soon now I know better I asked God for everything and leave my worries and sorrows in his hands! I am Obedient only one spiritual man I will answer to who died in the cross for us!
Alberta M Ho/Doran says
Twice I married a Narcissist. It was only the second time I had to google their personality, OMG, what did I get my self in to. The first marriage I was a polish trophy and a space to do everywhere he goes and lifts weights. Glad to say I had the courage to walk out with four but, really with the two girls while he cries for his sons. A big drinker works but stays home to recouped after 4 days of calling in sick, you know how much was a paycheck!! Second time 10 years I fell out of love but, I did not take my wedding rings off to go and fuck someone else I try to rekindle my love for him but, only got worst 12 years we had plans and goals 13 years I seen it go downhill but, that’s ok I am Obedient with my lord and I look better than ever I won’t let the enemy destroy me not even her! They say sin blind all sinners at least I can say I have class, I have dignity and I don’t have to look beautiful than her I’m Gods eyes I am all his! Cause I accepted My Lord and Savior and became born again! I am proud The Lord had a plan for me!
Tony greywolf says
Stop blaming other people for you not protecting your heart
THE MOST ANNOYING THINGS ABOUT THIS POSY WHEN I GO LOOKING TO READ THEM IS THAT THE GENDERLIZE THE NARCISSIST AS “he”. There are female narcissist too and when writing an article they should focus on HE/SHE. My ex is a narcissist and when I come and read this it’s easier to read when it’s labels as “they” or he/she. Not ALL NARCISSIST ARE GUYS!! There are female narcissist out there too
Crystal Babb says
I was in a relationship for 2 years to long. When i finally broke it off for good my ex came to my apt building where i lived for a yr n a half n pulled the fire alarm then once the whole building including me was standing outside late at night my ex ill call sam threatened to kill me then got in his car did a u turn slammed into my new car i got 4 days b4 that night then backed up and side swiped my car down the whole side of my driver side of the car. The cops never arrested sam nor did sam get in trouble for anything he did. I lost my home, job, and bran new car and sam never had to pay for my car or insurance so sam walked away free and still had his jobs and home and car. Im still pretty deep into depression and getting to figure out how to get me back. Im tired
It’d be nice of articles such as this would be more all-encompassing of gender. While the author does state,.”Narcissism is more common in men but can affect women too,” it still makes for an uncomfortable read for victims of abuse. It would take no real effort to change ‘he’ to ‘s/he’ to reflect the reality that narcissism isn’t relegated to one specific gender instead of making a single, “oh, and by the way,” statement at the end. Aside from that one caveat, it was a decent read.