Going through a divorce is not a life experience you wanted, but it happens. Now, after licking your wounds, you’re ready to get out there. For many, it’s not that easy. It could have been years, even decades since you last actively sought a date. So, where do you start?
Paul A. Falzone, CEO of The Right One and Together Dating–one of the world’s largest brick-and-mortar dating services with more than 60 offices nationwide—has paired hundreds of newly divorced clients during his quarter of a century in business. He’s also been divorced himself and happily remarried now for years.
“When you’re newly divorced, it seems everybody either has a friend they want to set you up with or words of advice or a little pep talk to get you back out there. The truth is, only you can know when you’re ready to start dating. That’s why it’s really important to take some time, think and get a sense of where you are emotionally first before you start dating—particularly if it’s been a very long time since you’ve dated,” said Falzone.
For starters, Falzone recommends:
*Going slow – perhaps it’s a cliché, but a divorce is a life-altering event and you do need some time to heal.
*Avoid the bar scene – Getting out with friends and co-workers as a way to re-enter the social scene but don’t do it as a way to meet potential dates.
*Get fit – Being ready to date again means feeling good about yourself. Starting an exercise program or going to a gym can begin that process of feeling good about you again.
*Be wary of dating at work – it’s natural for you to be close to people you work with, particularly if they’ve helped you through a tough time. Just be careful before entering into a relationship or even dating somebody at the office.
*Networking – While being set up might not be your idea of getting back into the dating game, if you’re looking it couldn’t hurt to let people in your social or professional network know that you are interested in meeting new people.
*The ex – It’s safe to say that dwelling on the ex will not do much good in dating new people. Just remember that you’re dating again for you, not to get back at him/her or to find somebody before he or she does.
*Take your time before introducing your dates to friends and, especially family – if you think your divorce is an adjustment for you, it’s also one for family, friends and your children. Wait before introducing your date to them, especially the children.
*No overnight guests – If you have children, wait a significant amount of time before having any overnight guests—at least until your date is something more serious and has had a chance to form some kind of a relationship with your kids.
“Getting back into the dating game doesn’t have to be scary. It can actually be an exciting time of your new life but you want to do it for the right reasons and be able to enjoy it,” said Falzone. “Take it slow, be open and upbeat, and you can find love again.”
“It’s great to be excited about somebody after a first date. What’s even better is to be even more excited after two. If’ your goal is for something lasting, there’s nothing wrong with taking it slow and making sure it really is, pun intended, the right one for you,” said Falzone.