“DIVORCE LAW of INDIA NEEDS URGENT AMENDMENT” – LAW MINISTER OF INDIA

DIVORCE LAW of INDIA –

AMENDMENT AS PER LAW COMMISSION’S RECOMMENDATION IN 2009 –

NOT YET DONE

 

Another case of: – JUSTICE DENAIED when JUSTICE DELAYED

 

Groom: Aged about 40yrs, Bride: 41 yrs, Son: Aged about 12yrs

 

PAST

 

On or about 1984, I, at the age of 15 years proposed to a 16-year girl – and the story began. I forgot that I lost my father at the age of 11 years, had a sister aged 6 years and my widow mother. I had lots of responsibilities to carry out as the only son of my beloved father. In a romantic mood, I forgot the difference in financial status of the two families. The story could have been entirely different if the girl would have refused me then and there, but she accepted me. But her family was “matured” and they opposed it in every possible way. I had my first big exam (10+) just at door. In spite of broken heart I tried my best and got 70% in the exam.

 

Thereafter I could realise the real state of affairs, as the girl became totally silent. But I wanted to meet the girl at least once and finally found her in July 1988, in her college, 15 km away from her home. In between, the girl never informed me about her whereabouts. Again on that day the girl agreed to “CARRY ON” the romance for the time being.

 

In  1994, myself got married after lots of inside drama from her family. Her father could never accept me “from heart” as an eligible husband of his daughter and he did a “FAVOUR” to us; by managing to get a job for her, in a school 65 km away from her in-law’s house, just a month before the said marriage. Meantime I managed to make a house with the proceeds received from LIC, obtained after my father’s death. At that time, I was looking after the “small” business left by my father. But her father could never rely on my financial condition and his daughter continued with the service by ferrying daily up and down 130 km. She used to stay very often at her father’s house (close to workplace). She conceived in 1995, but had a miscarriage, and she had two more miscarriages after that in two consecutive years. I lost the joy of being a FATHER and the doctors told specifically that all these miscarriages happened due to her daily strenuous journey. In between, I have decided to take up a job. And my wife finally decided to leave her job, her father also agreed (after some drama again) to the decision. And just after that she became the “proud mother” of our only son.  But she could never forgive me for that decision, although she made her own decision always.

 

I started feeling humiliated for the indirect responsibility for the cause of leaving her job. The misunderstanding began and it increased day after day. I concentrated on my job, and obtained recognition from my employer. I was earning enough to carry on my responsibilities. I built up another floor in the house, since my mother had a long desire for that. I performed my last pending duty by getting my sister married in 2006. I started realising slowly, that I am nothing but a moneymaking machine for my wife. Needless to say, in between, the marriage lost all its charm in all way. My wife became a “lady” by then and was reasonably satisfied with her monetary status, and I became a late 30’s gentleman and kept myself satisfied with my job with an understanding that for the sake of my son, we should stay together.

 

But from 2007, she started taunting me even in front of my son. I became mentally broke. My health was broken, started suffering from IBS, BP etc. (diseases from tension and mental unrest) and started thinking about separation and divorce. I had to take sedative regularly. At the same time I was worried about my son’s future. We were sleeping in different rooms from 2008. My wife stopped using Sindoor from 2006. I really wanted to forget all her past behaviours as bad dreams, but I couldn’t.  I love my job; it has given me my own identity and before the situation affects my job performance, I wanted to end it. I was in a dilemma till April 2009 (on the death anniversary of my father); when she humiliated me about my parents and myself with some nasty words (“you have some problem in your blood, that’s why I am worried about my son’s future staying with you”). I have finally decided for DIVORCE. Previously, she said many times that she would also prefer the mutual application for Divorce. But this time she disagreed and after discussing with her father, they demanded huge ransom money as “compensation”. She also told me that as divorce is inevitable, one of us should leave the house. I wanted to provide my son at least the same house after separation, which I felt necessary for my son’s upbringing. I shifted to a rented apartment near my place of work in July 2009. She was taking money (whatever needed) from me as usual and delaying the filing process for any separation, keeping the same humiliation process on. I agreed (also paid till date) to pay all necessary expenses for maintenance of my son and wife, including the maintenance for the house where they are still staying with my mother. After all this in 25 years, her father again failed to rely on me. Earlier, I had no money, so they hesitated to get myself married to her. But now, they do not know how much money to claim from me, to spoil me even after Divorce, and that is why they are hesitating to go for a mutual divorce. So I had no other alternative to file the divorce petition in September 2009. I know lots of odds will come from my mother and relatives, as divorce is still considered as a social taboo. Each marriage is between two individual – not between “Ideal Wife” and “Ideal Husband”. I am responsible for my job (doing it last 13 years) as well as my family. I belong to a social class and agree to pay any reasonable maintenance (the only sub clause was recommended as check measure for divorce for Irretrievable Break Down) as decided by the Honourable Court.

 

Contest divorce itself is a very tough decision. Even in my professional life, people are not taking it easily. Still I want to take my own black spots, my failure in the marriage – to the public, at least to the people who matters; cant play hide and seek game anymore. I stopped myself several times; thinking about my son, but he should also better see one parent than parents without love or respect for each other. Perhaps by staying apart both of us can maintain a healthy relation with him.

 

PRESENT

 

[ Lots of incidents happened in between: -

 

In October, I felt sad for my son (but nothing for my wife) and came to my old address. But the “drama” continued. I got seriously depressed after noticing my wife’s behavior. Actually she got much more “CRUEL”, and silently (sometime with abusive language in a very low voice) she started humiliating me.  Finally, I went to a psychiatrist. I was suffering from a tremendous depression and trauma for my wife’s behavior. After being checked up by 2 more doctors, I am taking anti-depressant drugs since then. Recently (January, 2009) I got a “fit certificate” from Doctor, but still having medicines. In between, she forced to bring all household goods from my rented apartment and stopped to me sell the same, although some items (like fridge) were duplicated. I really got spellbound noticing her attitude. She forced me to shift to 1st floor leaving my mother on ground floor. On 1st floor we were sleeping in different rooms .Now I am again residing at my rented apartment. ]

 

Now it’s already 5 months gone after my filing. The first date was in Dec 2009. On that day I just got another date. And on the next date also, I shall surely get just “another date.”

 

Is not this the right (if not delayed already) time to address the problem associated with Indian Divorce Act itself?  Please note, I am not the 1st to say this, the law commissions already felt this in 1971 and 2009 (reports enclosed). Both “seriously” recommended introducing THE IRRETRIEVABLE BREAK DOWN OF MARRIAGE as another ground for divorce. We have now a “Fault divorce” and mutual divorce. When my partner and me can’t agree on a less affecting thing like “mutual divorce” (which means to break the tie of marriage), how can we STAY TOGETHER in marriage thereafter? All of us know that, staying together (in any form) requires much more agreement between any two people than to stay apart. That means I have to request (or beg or buy) my wife to be free from marriage, just like a sentenced captive from the Jail. Judiciaries indirectly being used as a tool to bargain terms for divorce, in cases like this. Yes, when there is legal battle between couple, who are staying separate over a year, the only motto can be to get a “good bargain” or to harass one spouse by mere non-cooperation. My wife now more “ cruel” in behaviour. She is fighting legally with me – that means she don’t have any ‘emotional” dependence on me. When we talk about our “old tradition of marriage” we often forget that, no “traditional” wife will come to court to keep or leave her marriage.

 

I would like to mention another thing. My petition primarily based on “CRUELTY”, as the most suitable “available ground” for divorce. But one has to understand that fairer sex normally don’t act “cruel” by physical nature. Even in some cases “SILENCE” or “ABSENCE OF CORDIAL NATURE” between husband and wife can be cruelty of severe nature, which happened in my case. And when a person like me, who act as a Manager in a reputed company, files the divorce for wife’s cruelty, it can effect my professional reputation to a great extent. Actually it’s very much humiliating for me to file the petition and fight for that. It’s not explainable to anyone, but one who is in similar condition, can very well understand this. Broken marriage is not a crime and by the recommended amendment, divorce law can address that break with far less complexity. As we all know, nobody or nothing can compel a couple or any two people to live together. Present Divorce Law can delay (and make more bitter) the process of divorce, but can’t really change the direction in this scenario.

 

Can the Judiciary ask me to point out very private part of my life like marriage? Is not this hampering my basic fundamental right as a citizen? When there is no such law for a “father & son” or “mother & son” relation to be in that tie for ever (although maintenance clause is there), why would be such gross disparity in case of marriage? Are later the more “NOBLE” or “MUST ON” relations than the earlier? Is institution of marriage a serious “offense”, which if I have done once, can’t be freed till my death? Is wedlock means deadlock?

 

 

Now as an effect I have two options –

 

EITHER to stay in my marriage forgetting about my own negative feelings compromising with my health and peace of mind

 

OR

 

To badmouth my son’s mother in the court to prove her fault to get rid of her.

 

In both cases either my wife or I would be sufferer, not the Honurable Judiciary or the legislative body! Won’t the chances of any healthy relation would decrease or diminish just because of amount of tension created between us during the process, as more dates means more blames or more defense (which is also a part of attack mechanism)? Even the child would be indirectly sufferer for the bitterness between the parents as helpless witness of the whole event.  Breaking up is a hard decision for anyone, but while doing, why we (in the process itself for its duration & nature) need to be nasty instead of peaceful? If a marriage can be done in a one-month notice period, why the divorce would be delayed for YEARS?

 

I am referring to some very pertinent cases where Honourable Supreme Court of India understood the gravity of the circumstances and granted the decree of divorce by dissolving the marriage, sometimes even after the lower court’s verdict in an opposite direction. In most of the cases, petition filed against wife’s cruelty. Judiciary understood that delaying the process would only increase bitterness between the couple. Whenever we delay something, it affects. In this scenario its affecting unfortunate people like me.

 

 

(1) N. G . Dastane Vs S. N. Dastane

DATE OF JUDGMENT : 19/03/1975

BENCH: CHANDRACHUD, Y.V. GOSWAMI, P.K. UNTWALIA, N.L.

CITATION: 1975 AIR 1534    1975 SCR (3) 967, 1975 SCC(2)   326CITATOR INFO : RF 1988 SC 121 (7,10)

 

(2) SIRAJMOHMEDKHAN JANMOHAMADKHAN  HAFIZUNNISA YASINKHAN & ANR

DATE OF JUDGMENT14/09/1981

BENCH:FAZALALI, SYED MURTAZA

BENCH:FAZALALI, SYED MURTAZA

SEN, A.P. (J)

CITATION:

1981 AIR 1972 1982 SCR (1) 695

1981 SCC    (4) 250 1981 SCALE    (3)1400

 

(3) Shobha Rani Vs Madhukar Reddi

DATE OF JUDGMENT12/11/1987

BENCH:SHETTY, K.J. (J), RAY, B.C. (J)

CITATION: 1988 AIR 121    1988 SCR    (1)1010

1988 SCC    (1) 105 JT 1987 (4)    433

1987 SCALE    (2)1008

 

(4) V. Bhagat Vs D. Bhagat

DATE OF JUDGMENT 19/11/1993

BENCH: JEEVAN REDDY, B.P. (J), KULDIP SINGH (J)

CITATION: 1994 AIR 710, 1994 SCC    (1) 337

JT 1993 (6) 428    1993 SCALE    (4)488

 

(5) Romesh Chander Vs Savitri –

DATE OF JUDGMENT 13/01/1995

BENCH: SAHAI, R.M. (J), MAJMUDAR S.B. (J)

CITATION: 1995 AIR 851    1995 SCC (2)    7

JT 1995 (1) 362    1995 SCALE    (1)177

 

(6) SMT. KANCHAN DEVI Vs. PROMOD KUMAR MITTAL & ANR.

DATE OF JUDGMENT:    03/04/1996

BENCH:ANAND, A.S. (J)

BENCH:ANAND, A.S. (J)FAIZAN UDDIN (J)

CITATION:JT 1996 (5) 655    1996 SCALE    (3)293

 

(7) Ashok Hurra Vs Rupa Bipin Zaveri

DATE OF JUDGMENT: 10/03/1997

CIVIL APPEAL NO 1835 OF  1997

 

(8) G.V.N. KAMESWAR RAO Vs G. JABILLI

DATE OF JUDGMENT:    10/01/2002

CASE NO.:Appeal (civil) 140 of    2002

BENCH: D.P. Mohapatra & K.G. Balakrishnan

 

(9) Praveen Mehta Vs Inderjit Mehta

DATE OF JUDGMENT 11/07/2002

CASE NO.: Appeal (civil) 3930 of    2002

 

(10) A. Jayachandra Vs Aneel Kaur

DATE OF JUDGMENT: 02/12/2004

CASE NO.:Appeal (civil)    7763-7764 of 2004

BENCH: RUMA PAL, ARIJIT PASAYAT & C.K.THAKKER

 

(11) Durga Prasanna Tripathy Vs Arundhati Tripathy     DATE OF JUDGMENT : 23/08/2005

CASE NO.: Appeal (civil)    5184 of 2005

 

(12) Vineeta Saxena Vs Pankaj Pandit

DATE OF JUDGMENT: 21/03/2006

CASE NO.: Appeal (civil)    1687 of 2006

BENCH: Ruma Pal & Dr. AR. Lakshmanan

 

(13) K R MAHESH Vs MANJULA

DATE OF JUDGMENT: 11/07/2006

CASE NO.:Transfer Petition (civil)    947 of 2005

BENCH:ARIJIT PASAYAT & S.H. KAPADIA

 

(14) Kajol Ghosh Vs Sanghamitra Ghosh

DATE OF JUDGMENT: 20/11/2006

CASE NO.: Transfer Petition (civil)    228 of 2004

BENCH: G.P. MATHUR & DALVEER BHANDARI

 

(15) Rishikesh Sharma Vs Saroj Sharma

DATE OF JUDGMENT 21/11/2006

CASE NO.:Appeal (civil) 5129 of 2006

 

(16) Sujata Uday Patil Vs Uday Madhukar Patil

DATE OF JUDGMENT: 13/12/2006

CASE NO.: Appeal (civil)    5779 of 2006

BENCH: G.P. Mathur & A.K. Mathur

 

(17) Mayadevi Vs Jagdhish Prasad

DATE OF JUDGMENT: 21/02/2007

CASE NO.:Appeal (civil) 877 of 2007

BENCH: Dr. ARIJIT PASAYAT & DALVEER BHANDARI

 

(18) Samar Ghosh Vs Jaya Ghosh

DATE OF JUDGMENT: 26/03/2007

CASE NO.: Appeal (civil)    151 of 2004BENCH: B.N. Agrawal, P.P. Naolekar & Dalveer Bhandari

 

(19) Satish Sitole Vs Smt Ganga

DATE OF JUDGMENT : 10/07/2008

CIVIL  APPEAL  No. 7567  of  2004

 

(20) Suman Kapur Vs Sudhir Kapur

DATE OF JUDGMENT 07/11/2008

CIVIL APPEAL NO.6582 OF 2008

 

And Last but not the least, THE LANDMARK JUDGEMENT

 

(21) Naveen Kohli Vs Neelu Kohli

DATE OF JUDGMENT 21/03/2006

CASE NO.:Appeal (civil)    812 of 2004

 

Some Newspaper articles about our present Divorce Law: -

 

“Examining the irretrievable breakdown of marriage as a ground for divorce
Ankit Kejriwal, Prayank Nayak

Irretrievable breakdown of marriage can be defined as such failure in the matrimonial relationship or such circumstances adverse to that relationship that no reasonable probability remains of the spouses remaining together as husband and wife for mutual comfort and support. It is the situation that occurs in a marriage when one spouse refuses to live with the other and will not work towards reconciliation. When there is not an iota of hope that parties can be reconciled to continue their matrimonial life, the marriage can be considered as Irretrievable Breakdown of marriage.

 

This concept was first introduced in New Zealand. The Divorce and Matrimonial Causes Amendment Act, 1920 included for the first time the provision for separation agreement for three or more years was a ground for making petition to the court for divorce and the court was discretion whether to grant divorce or not. In England, the gate for this theory was opened up in the case of Masarati v. Masarati, where both the parties to the marriage had committed adultery.  The court of appeal, on wife’s petition for divorce, observed breakdown of marriage. The law commission of England in its report said, The objectives of good divorce law are two: one to buttress rather than to undermine the stability of marriage and two, when regrettably a marriage has broken down, to enable the empty shell to be destroyed with maximum fairness, and minimum bitterness, humiliation and distress. On the recommendation of the Law commission, Irretrievable Breakdown of Marriage was made the sole ground for divorce under section 1 of the Divorce Law reforms Act, 1973. The Matrimonial Causes Act, 1959 of the Commonwealth of Australia provided for divorce on the grounds of breakdown of marriage. In India, breakdown of marriage is still not ground divorce in spite of the recommendation of the Law Commission and various Supreme Court judgments to include breakdown of marriage as a ground for divorce. This paper examines the need to introduce irretrievable breakdown of marriage as a ground of divorce.

 

Theories of divorce

 

The provisions relating to divorce are contained in Sec 13 of Hindu Marriage Act, 1955. The Act recognizes two theories of Divorce: the fault theory and divorce by mutual consent. Under the fault theory, marriage can be dissolved only when either party to the marriage had committed a matrimonial offence. Under this theory it is necessary to have a guilty and an innocent party and only innocent party can seek the remedy of divorce. However the most striking feature and drawback is that if both parties have been at fault, there is no remedy available.

 

Another theory of divorce is that of mutual consent. The underlying rationale is that since two persons can marry by their free will, they should also be allowed to move out of their relationship of their own free will. However critics of this theory say that this approach will promote immorality as it will lead to hasty divorces and parties would dissolve their marriage even if there were slight incompatibility of temperament. Some of the grounds available under Hindu Marriage Act can be said to be under the theory of frustration by reason of specified circumstances. These include civil death, renouncement of the world etc. In this article we shall see that how these theories, owing to change in social circumstances and change in attitude towards the institution of marriage had failed to provide full justice in matrimonial cases.

 

Judicial opinions

 

 The Supreme Court has adopted a literal view and granted divorce under irretrievable breakdown of marriage. In Ashok Hurra v. Rupa Bipin Zaveri, the husband and wife filed a suit for divorce by mutual consent. But, subsequently wife withdrew her consent. So the petition was dismissed by trial court. The Supreme Court held that We are of the view that cumulative effect of various aspects involved in the case indisputably point out that marriage is dead both emotionally and practically, and there is no chance at all of the same being revived and continuation of such relationship is only for name-sake. The Honble Court used Article 142 and granted divorce. The Delhi High Court in its full judge bench decision in Ram Kali v. Gopal Das, took note of modern trend not to insist on maintenance of an union which was broken and said, ‘it would be practical and realist approach, indeed it would be unreasonable and inhumane, to compel the marriage to keep up the facade of marriage even though the rift between them is complete and there are no prospects of their living together as husband and wife’. In the case of Savitri Pandey v. Prem Chandra Pandey, the Supreme Court reiterated the need for the inclusion of irretrievable breakdown of marriage as a ground for divorce. The Supreme Court in Manjula v. K.R. Mahesh held, the marriage has irretrievably broken down and there would be no point in making an effort to bring about conciliation between the parties. In Neetu Kohli v. Naveen Kohli, husband alleged that the wife was quarrelsome and was found in compromising situation with one Biswas Rout. The wife counter alleged that husband had a concubine. This established that the marriage had broken down irreparably and hence granted divorce on grounds of an irretrievable breakdown. It also observed that it was high time that this be included as ground for divorce in the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955.

 

Seventy-first Law Commission Report

 

The 71st Law Commission of India submitted to the Government on 7th April 1978 dealt with the concept of irretrievable breakdown of marriage. This matter was taken by the Law Commission as a result of the reference made by the Government of India in the Ministry of Law, Justice and Company affairs. The Report points out the fact that the fault and the guilt theories of divorce are not sufficient and cause injustice in those cases where the situation is such that although none of the parties is at fault, or the fault is of such a nature that the parties to the marriage do not want to divulge it, yet there has arisen a situation in which the marriage cannot be worked. The marriage has all the outward manifestations of marriage but the real substance is gone, it’s just like an empty shell. The Report unequivocally asserts that in such circumstances it will be in the interest of justice to dissolve the marriage. It is also mentioned in the Report that in case the marriage has ceased to exist in substance and in reality, there is no reason for denying divorce; the parties alone can decide whether their mutual relationship provides the fulfillment, which they seek. Divorce should be seen as a solution and an escape route out of a difficult situation. Such divorce is unconcerned with the wrongs of the past, but is concerned with bringing the parties and the children to terms with the new situation and developments by working out the most satisfactory basis upon which they may regulate their relationship in the changed circumstances. The majority view, which is shared by most jurists, according to the Law Commission Report, is that human life has a short span and situations causing misery cannot be allowed to continue indefinitely. A halt has to be called at some stage. The law cannot turn a blind eye to such situations, nor can it decline to give adequate response to the necessities arising there from. By refusing to sever that tie the law in such cases do not serve the sanctity of marriage; on the contrary, it shows scant regard for the feelings and emotions of the parties.

 

Other jurisdictions 

 

In most developed nations, the irretrievable breakdown of marriage is recognised as a ground for divorce.

 

 

New Zealand

 

New Zealand was the first country to recognize it, through the  (New Zealand) Divorce and Matrimonial Causes Amendment Act, 1920 where a separation agreement for three years is a ground for making a divorce petition

  AUSTRALIA

 

The Matrimonial Causes Act, 1959 of the commonwealth of Australia provided for divorce on the grounds of breakdown of marriage.  The Family Law Act (Australia), 1975 considers irretrievable breakdown as sole ground for divorce If a marriage breaks down, it can legally be ended by the court granting a Divorce.There is only one ground for divorce in Australia – the fact that the marriage has irretrievably broken down. The legal test of irretrievable breakdown is that you have lived apart for at least twelve months and there is no prospect of reconciliation. As far as the court is concerned, this is all you have to establish. The judge won’t be interested in who left whom, or whether one of you is having an affair, or whose ‘fault’ it was that the relationship broke down.

 

Brazil

 

Presumably due to the influence of the Roman Catholic Church, divorce only became legal in Brazil in 1977. Since January 2007, Brazilian couples can request a divorce at a notary’s office when there is a consensus, the couple has been separated for more than a year and have no underage or special-needs children. The divorcees need only to present their national IDs, marriage certificate and pay a small fee to initiate the process, which is completed in two or three weeks.

 

Canada

 

Canada did not have a federal divorce law until 1968. Before that time, the process for getting a divorce varied from province to province. In Newfoundland and Quebec, it was necessary to get a private Act of Parliament in order to end a marriage. Most other provinces incorporated the English Matrimonial Causes Act of 1857 which allowed a husband to get a divorce on the grounds of his wife’s adultery and a wife to get one only if she established that her husband committed any of a list of particular sexual behaviours but not simply adultery. Some provinces had legislation allowing either spouse to get a divorce on the basis of adultery. .

 

 

Under the Divorce Act, 1967-68 it (IBM) is clearly recognised as a ground for divorce, apart from the normal fault grounds.

The federal Divorce Act of 1968 standardized the law of divorce across Canada and introduced the no-fault concept of permanent marriage breakdown as a ground for divorce as well as fault based grounds including adultery, cruelty and desertion.

In Canada, while civil and political rights are in the jurisdiction of the provinces, the Constitution of Canada specifically made marriage and divorce the realm of the federal government. Essentially this means that Canada’s divorce law is uniform throughout Canada, even in Quebec, which differs from the other provinces in its use of the civil law as codified in the Civil Code of Quebec as opposed to the common law that is in force in the other provinces and generally interpreted in similar ways throughout the Anglo-Canadian provinces.

The Canada Divorce Act recognizes divorce only on the ground of breakdown of the marriage. Breakdown can only be established if one of three grounds hold: adultery, cruelty, and being separated for one year.

 Most divorces proceed on the basis of the spouses being separated for one year, even if there has been cruelty or adultery. This is because proving cruelty or adultery is expensive and time consuming. The one-year period of separation starts from the time at least one spouse intends to live separate and apart from the other and acts on it. A couple does not need a court order to be separated, since there is no such thing as a “legal separation” in Canada. A couple can even be considered to be “separated” even if they are living in the same dwelling. Either spouse can apply for a divorce in the province in which either the husband or wife has lived for at least one year.

On September 13, 2004, the Ontario Court of Appeal declared a portion of the Divorce Act also unconstitutional for excluding same-sex marriages, which at the time of the decision were recognized in three provinces and one territory. It ordered same-sex marriages read into that act, permitting the plaintiffs, a lesbian couple, to divorce.

 

France

 

The French Civil code (modified on January 1, 2005), permits divorce for 4 different reasons; mutual consent (which comprises over 60% of all divorces); acceptance; separation of 2 years; and due to the ‘fault’ of one partner (accounting for most of the other 40%).

 

Sweden

 

To divorce in Sweden the couple can file for divorce together or one party can file alone. If they have children under 16 living at home or one party does not wish to get divorced there is a required contemplation period of 6 to 12 months. During this period they stay married and the request must be confirmed after the waiting period for the divorce to go through.

 

United Kingdom

England and Wales

In England, on the recommendation of the Law Commission, it was made the sole ground for divorce under section 1 of the Divorce Law reforms Act, 1969.

 

 

A divorce in England and Wales is only possible for marriages of more than one year and when the marriage has irretrievably broken down. Whilst it is possible to defend a divorce, the vast majority proceed on an undefended basis. A decree of divorce is initially granted ‘nisi’, i.e. (unless cause is later shown), before it is made ‘absolute’

From beginning to end, if everything goes smoothly and Court permitting, it takes around 6 months.

There is only one ‘ground’ for divorce under English law. That is that the marriage has irretrievably broken down.

There are however five ‘facts’ that may constitute this ground. They are:

Adultery

often now considered the ‘nice’ divorce.

respondents admitting to adultery will not be penalised financially or otherwise.

Unreasonable behaviour (most common ground for divorce today )

the petition must contain a series of allegations proving that the respondent has behaved in such a way that the petitioner cannot reasonably be expected to live with him/her.

the allegations may be of a serious nature (eg. abuse or excessive drinking) but may also be mild such as having no common interests or pursuing a separate social life ; the courts won’t insist on severe allegations as they adopt a realistic attitude: if one party feels so strongly that a behaviour is “unreasonable” as to issue a divorce petition, it is clear that the marriage has irretrievably broken down and it would be futile to try to prevent the divorce. [4]

Two years separation (if both parties consent)

both parties must consent

the parties must have lived separate lives for at least two years prior to the presentation of the petition

this can occur if the parties live in the same household, but the petitioner would need to make clear in the petition such matters as they ate separately, etc.

Two years desertion

Five years separation (if only one party consents)

 

Scotland

 

About one third of marriages in Scotland end in divorce, on average after about thirteen years. Actions for divorce in Scotland may be brought in either the Sheriff Court or the Court of Session. In practice, it is only actions in which unusually large sums of money are in dispute, or with an international element, that are raised in the Court of Session. If, as is usual, there are no contentious issues, it is not necessary to employ a lawyer. Divorce (Scotland) Act 1976.

It is likely that the two year separation period required for a no-fault divorce with consent will be reduced to one year.

 

United States

 

Marital Status in the U.S.

Divorce in the United States is a matter of state rather than federal law. In recent years, however, more federal legislation has been enacted affecting the rights and responsibilities of divorcing spouses. The laws of the state(s) of residence at the time of divorce govern; all states recognize divorces granted by any other state. All states impose a minimum time of residence. Typically, a county court’s family division judges petitions for dissolution of marriages.

Prior to the latter decades of the 20th century, a spouse seeking divorce had to show cause and even then might not be able to obtain a divorce. The no-fault divorce “revolution” began in 1969 in California, and was completed in 1985 (New York is the last holdout ). However, most states require some waiting period, typically a 1 to 2 year separation. Fault grounds, when available, are sometimes still sought. This may be done where it reduces the waiting period otherwise required, or possibly in hopes of affecting decisions related to a divorce, such as child custody, child support, or alimony.”

  Problems, suggestions

 

However the an attempt to introduce irretrievable breakdown of marriage as a ground for divorce has met with resistance by women organization on the grounds that husbands would desert their wives and then ask for divorce under breakdown of marriage. Also it has been stated by few that the concept of irretrievable breakdown of marriage is somewhat vague. In answer to first criticism it has to be stated in situation where wife has been deserted it indicates that husband wants to get rid of wife and any continuation of such relationship would not make sense to both the parties to the marriage. However a safety clause can be inserted which would empower the court to refuse divorce if it adversely affects the interests of the children. A provision for maintenance for child and wife should be made. As far as the second objection is concerned, it should be necessary for grant of decree of divorce under this theory that parties had lived separately for reasonably long time say for three years. Living separately can be considered as objective criteria for breakdown of marriage. 

 

The concept of marriage is moving from a sacrament to a contract. The spouse should be granted a right to move out of the wedlock if they cannot live together due to extreme situations. Justice Krishna Iyer in the case of Aboobacker v. Mam stated while the stream of life, lived in marital mutuality, may wash away smaller pebbles, what is to happen if intransigent incompatibility of minds break up the flow of stream. Since the social conditions prevailing in the country are peculiar, sufficient changes are needed to be made in the law made so that law is able to ameliorate the conditions of the people who, in absence of required law are craving for relief and hence would be able to make process of dissolution less excruciating. A question may be asked that when irretrievable breakdown of marriage has been recognized as a ground for divorce by judiciary why we need an amendment in legislation. This is so because amendment would lay down conditions and safe guards, which should be taken into consideration before the grant of any decree. 

It is high time that the Government recognizes the need of the time and save many couples from the disgrace and humiliation by introducing the irretrievable breakdown of marriage as ground for divorce under Section 13 of the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955.”

 

“Divorce law in our country belongs to an era that has long elapsed. But the laws have neither kept pace nor do they take into account the altered socio-economic realities of contemporary India. This is highlighted, once more, by the recent controversy surrounding grounds for divorce following Smriti Shinde’s petition to the apex court urging it to consider granting unilateral divorce when a marriage has irretrievably broken down. The Supreme Court itself is ambivalent about where it stands on the matter.

Under the Hindu Marriage Act or the Special Marriage Act, there are no provisions that recognise “irretrievable breakdown” or “irreconcilable differences” as grounds for granting divorce when it is not a mutually consensual decision. However, in 2006, the apex court granted divorce in the Naveen Kohli vs. Neelu Kohli case, precisely because of irretrievable breakdown of marriage. But, early this year, another SC bench refused to entertain this argument in the Vishnu Dutt Sharma vs. Manju Sharma case. It decided to stick to the letter of the law.

This is as good a time as any for the laws governing divorce to be updated. In doing so, the issue must not be looked at through a moral prism alone. As Indians interface with the world and are exposed to new ideas and opportunities, there is bound to be a social churn, which impacts on personal affairs like marriage and family relations. Add to this the fact that more women today are economically more independent and assertive of their rights and choices. Divorce must be seen as a social reality, unfortunate though it might be, and not as a social evil.

There are of course legitimate concerns that waiving the mutual consent clause to grant divorce in cases of irreparable marital breakdown would put women in a vulnerable position. But that cannot be used as an excuse to deny those who would genuinely benefit from easing the process of obtaining a divorce. As things stand, one has to go through a lengthy, convoluted and extremely stressful procedure to get a divorce. It’s time that changed.”

 

“Feelings of two human beings are involved in a couple’s

married life. This could not be patched up by enforcement of law by courts. It is up to the individuals to mend themselves. A horse can be taken to water but it is the horse that should drink it. However, the law should not deny divorce if the marriage has really broken down. By forcing unity with a hammer in the hand, the law does not serve the sanctity attached to the institution of marriage by religions. If the relationship of husband and wife wrecks beyond repair, what is wrong in recognizing that fact and allow them to live separately. How can one compel a wife or a husband to continue to live with spouse if they have fallen apart? If so compelled they would have to lead miserable life.”

 

Forget everything else, just imagine a scenario in a bedroom of a couple where a Judge is sitting and deciding about the “cruelty” performed or not among the couple. It must be sounding ridiculous and to avoid such embarrassment, Law Commission suggested the amendment in the divorce law itself through recent Report (Report no 217, November 2008): -

 

III.RECOMMENDATION

 

3.1          It is, therefore, suggested that immediate action be taken to introduce an amendment in the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955 and the Special Marriage Act, 1954 for inclusion of  ‘irretrievable breakdown of marriage’ as another ground for grant of divorce. 3.2            The     amendment     may     also     provide     that     the     court     before granting a decree for divorce on the ground that the marriage has irretrievably broken down should also examine whether adequate financial arrangements have been made for the parties and children

 

I like to highlight some facts in countries, where NO- FAULT (effectively faster & peaceful) divorce exists: -

 

 

A decline in the rates of domestic violence (which is obviously of a very high concern in India)

 

These laws empower a man or woman in an “abusive marriage” and make it easier to leave and live separate

 

Means less conflict during divorce, which means less emotional harm to children whose parents, are divorcing (very much valid in my case)

 

Shortens the length of time it takes to obtain a divorce, which, in turn, shortens the amount of time spent in a stressful situation causing physical and mental damage to involved party (as in my case, I am having anti depression drugs as prescribed)

 

Financial settlements are based on need, ability to pay and contribution to the family finances, rather than on fault (I am ready to accept any reasonable amount decided by judiciary)

 

Helps reduce the heavy caseloads of family courts (obviously valid for India)

Our legislation is hesitating to amend the law. Nobody wants to disturb the “STATUS CO”. Its human nature to resist any kind of change. A Surgery is done only when that is needed, to avoid some greater pain or loss. If we remember, we in India had customs like “SOTI DAHO PROTHA” (burning the widow with dead husband), which now we can’t even imagine. As we are getting exposed to

the world, we have to ratinolise our thought process and laws, by improvising any outdated system or rule. Staying apart for a

considerable period itself points towards the death of the marriage,

“Divorce” is just the legal nomenclature of that unfortunate incident. No divorce or even cause of any divorce will initiate because of the said amendment, but surely it will decrease the suffering of couple whose divorce already initiated. This amendment is only an addition to the grounds of divorce; no way it can hamper the relationship between a married couple. Mr Moily, honourable law minister of India stated recently :-

 ‘Moily said that the government may consider an amendment in

the law to make disposal of divorce and custody cases time-bound, as has been done for gram nyayalayas. He said that family courts will be given a target of winding up such cases — where mutual consent is absent — within a year of them being filed. He believes litigating couples should be freed quickly from a broken marriage in order to start life afresh.

“There is no need for divorce cases to drag on for years when the marriage has actually broken down. Similarly,children’s custody

cases must be decided in a time-bound manner so that there is no uncertainty over their future,” Moily said.’

I request and appeal to all, to raise voices in favour of the amendment of Divorce Law of India.

 

At the end we all must remember- LAW IS MADE BY THE PEOPLE

LAW IS MADE FOR THE PEOPLE.

 

 

 

 

 

Conscious Internet Dating: Balancing High Tech with High Touch

In a new trend, singles are becoming increasingly frustrated with internet dating. In spite of millions of singles using the internet and the promises and success stories of online matchmaking websites, I’ve heard the same thing over and over from singles across the country who are frustrated with internet dating-

“It’s great to have a lot of choices, but it takes a lot of time and I don’t seem to meet anyone I have much chemistry with.”

This makes sense to me. In some ways, using a computer to find your soul mate is like trying to cook a souffle in a microwave. Some things just require time, effort, and the human touch.

This article explores the upsides and downsides of internet dating, attempts to explain why internet dating is frustrating for some singles, and suggests alternatives.

Top Five Advantages of Internet Dating

1. Reach more singles

2. Inexpensive (relatively)

3. Enough information available for efficient sorting

4. Anonymous

5. Easy to control most aspects of the process

Top Five Downsides of Internet Dating

1. Overwhelming number of choices

2. Encourages “shopping” mentality

3. Many users are less than truthful

4. Some users are game players, predators. cheaters

5. Complacency- tempting to rely on the internet and exclude other options

The Internet, Chemistry, and the Law of Attraction

Today’s singles seem to be relying on their computer a bit too much and complacently expecting the internet to deliver their soul mate. This is a version of the Fairytale Trap (one of fourteen dating traps in my book “Conscious Dating”). The internet is a wonderful tool (I use it!) but doesn’t seem to work effectively as the only tool for finding potential partners.

I believe that the two biggest reasons why the internet isn’t effective for many singles is the role of chemistry and the Law of Attraction.

Chemistry is critically important for a successful relationship. Everyone wants a partner they feel strong chemistry with, and a relationship would be pretty dry and unsustainable without it. The Fourth Principle of Conscious Dating is “Balance Your Heart With Your Head.” Identifying your requirements, needs, and wants does not minimize the need for chemistry. You need both! I like to think of chemistry as the radar that helps you find your target, then you use your requirements, needs and wants to decide “yes” or “no.”

The Law of Attraction is inescapable and either works for you or against you. If you’re “busy” or “shy” and the internet is your only means of reaching potential partners, in a way you’re hiding behind your computer and the Law of Attraction is not likely to help you. The Law of Attraction states that “like attracts like” and “energy follows attention,” meaning your results reflect your thoughts and your actions. Over the years I’ve become convinced that the Law of Attraction is a powerful law of the Universe, like gravity. Just like “what goes up must come down,” try as you might, you can’t avoid or change the principle that “like attracts like.”

If you’re hiding behind your computer, what people, relationships, and results are you likely to attract?

Top Five Ways to Supplement High Tech with High Touch

1. Use your support community

Most people find their soul mate through someone they know, so don’t be a lone ranger (another dating trap!) and lean on your friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors to assist you to meet potential partners.

2. Start a dating pool or networking group

Get a group of singles together (any gender mix) to support each other to meet potential partners. Most singles know lots of other singles of both genders, so pool your resources and do some matchmaking for each other!

3. Reach out to people

In today’s busy world with cell phones, texting, instant messaging, e-mail, and the internet promoting impersonal ways of interacting with others, it’s easy to forget the lost art of engaging with real people that are right in front of you. Make an effort to reach out to the people you come into contact with in your everyday life and watch your relationships blossom.

4. Make more friends

Since most people find their soul mate through someone they know, be open to developing new friendships and expanding your support community. Chances are you already have acquaintances at work and other places that you would enjoy spending more time with. Friends are easier to find than dates, and friendships often last longer than romantic relationships!

5. Get involved

Too many singles lead isolated lives centered around work, home, and a few friends. Participating in clubs, groups, classes, charities, church/temple, is the most important way you can leverage the Law of Attraction to help you find your soul mate. You’ll meet new people, make new friends, and pursue hobbies and interests important to you that bring you in contact with other compatible singles.

It’s All About Relationships

Technology can help us in many ways. Online dating is a wonderful tool that allows you to leverage your time and meet many more people than you could otherwise. However, let’s not forget that humans are social beings and finding your life partner is a relationship goal that is probably more effectively acheived by getting away from your computer as well as using it. You’re more likely to find relationship fulfillment by living a full, rich life among real people doing the things you enjoy that make your life meaningful.

As the ancient Roman playwright Terence once said- “Moderation in all things.” Do you think he meant the internet as well?

David Steele, MA, LMFT is founder of Relationship Coaching Institute and author of the ground-breaking new book for singles Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today’s World

Avoid Divorce

Avoid divorce

Dalip Singh Wasan, Advocate.

We have been told that couples have been earmarked by God before we were sent on this earth and when we actually solemnize a marriage, it is just execution of that will of God and therefore, we should accept this will of God as final and therefore, we should be happy that we have executed the will of God. Divorce is not ordained by God and therefore, we should avoid divorce and we should allow this marriage to continue till we are alive on this earth.

In spite of these philosophy of life, divorces are there and if we count, we shall find that thousands of divorce petitions are still pending in the Courts established by the state in each country. If we have a reading of the grounds of these divorce petitions, we shall find the following items repeatedly laid down in divorce petitions:-

(1) The other party is having lower qualifications and therefore, the other party is not having income sufficient to run the family administration.

(2) If the petition is from the side of the wife, she is telling that she is not in a position to adjust herself with the joint family especially with her mother in law and sisters in law.

(3) The husband is impotent and is not able to perform satisfactory sexual intercourse.

(4) The husband is drug addict, drunkard, opium eater or the like and is wasting all his income and time outside the house.

(5) The wife is living in adultery and the husband has got relationship with other women. She may be having grounds that her husband is visiting prostitutes or attending to dancing and call girls.

(6) In most of the petitions submitted by the wives, they are placing before the Courts that they are beaten and at times the people from the house of their in laws, they are demanding more and more dowry and they are threatening that if she fails to being more dowry, they shall kill her.

(7) The wives are coming our with ground that their husbands are calling their friends and force them to have sexual intercourse with their friends.

(8) Most of the women say that they are not being believed by their husbands and therefore, they are not allowed to handle accounts of the family and therefore, they are not tolerating all this.

(9) Some women are coming out with the ground that they are not taken in confidence in all the matters concerning the family and they are excluded from all such serious discussions and they are not in a position to tolerate.

(10) Some husbands are complaining that most of the time of their wives is wasted in visiting their own parents.

(11) Some women are coming out with complains that their husbands are not having natural sex with them but are utilizing other methods which are not physically possible.

(12) Some of the husbands oust their wives because they are giving birth to females when they demand male children.

(13) Some women are not able to adjust in the house of their in laws and they want separation and if they do not get due response from the side of the husbands, they file divorce petitions.

(14) Most of the people in the houses of the in laws are not understanding the fact that this woman has not joined their house as a domestic servant and when they still take her as a domestic servant, she files divorce petition.

(15) People in the house of her in laws are not understanding that this new bride had come from a house where she had been given all the respo0nsibilities and all were having faith in her and were giving her all important keys to keep and handle cash, but in the house of her in laws, all are having no faith in her and she does not tolerate this belief and files a divorce petition.

(16) The wife wants money from her husband and when she is obliged to beg money from her mother in law, from her father in law or from some other member in the family of her in laws, she does not tolerate all this and she is filing divorce petition under forced circumstances.

(17) If the wife is not keeping herself clean and is giving out bad smell the husband shall not tolerate her and there are chances that he would file a divorce petition.

(18) The wife must be up-to-date and must know all new techniques of make-up and must keep herself fresh and a changed lady each day and if she fails, there are chances that the husband shall file a divorce petition and similarly if the husband is not preparing himself as per demands and wishes of her wife, there are chances that he would file a divorce petition.

(19) Sometime a bride is not liking the age of the husband and therefore, it should be seen that the couple should not have more that the prescribed age difference.

(20) When a partner is not having good health, the other partner may not tolerate an ailing partner.

(21) If the husband is earning partner he should hand over his income to the wife and then he may be taking money from her. If he keeps money accounts with himself, there are chances that his wife may leave him. She wants to become a full-fledged owner of the house and in India she is designated as ‘Ghar wali’ which means the owner of the house.

(22) The husband wanted a charming lady, but she is not beautiful as per his expectations and some other woman has come in this contact who is ready to marry that fellow if he divorces the first wife.

(23) In countries like India if the women is also an earning partner, she would like to have more rights in the house and if she fails to get all those demands, she shall like to divorce. The men in India must try to learn as how they would be able to live with their earning wives because they are not allowed to follow the same pattern which their forefathers had been following.

(24) The husband should take his wife on a holiday trip for some days in each year so that she could get refreshment and if he fails, there are chances that she may divorce him.

(25) The husband must know the art of appreciating the other partner and this appreciation should be right one and not mere exaggeration, and he must have new words on each day and must utter those words in the ear of his woman.

(26) Both must try to spend each night as the first night of their marriage and therefore, they should have separate bed room and they must have full privacy because such accommodation is the will of the woman and if she fails to get such accommodation and facilities, there are chances that she may divorce.

(27) Inter caste marriage are not successful in India because here people are divided into religions and castes and they should not that all these barriers are like boundaries of the countries and crossing limits is prohibited. If they could continue, their children shall suffer because most of people shall not contract marriages of their wards with such children who are cross-breeds.

(28) Each partner should try to earn faith of the other and must be honest, sincere, must have regard, love and affection for the other.

(29) None of the partners should talk about his or her old relations and they should not appreciate such people who were their close friends prior to marriage.

(30) The couple must take side of each other and they should not take side of another member in the family when there is quarrel.

(31) The couple should help each other in day to day work and when one is ill, the other should serve him or her and try to have proper treatment.

(32) The husband should never say that his wife is with low education and is from a backward family and similarly the wife must avoid such comments on her husband.

(33) The bride must see that she is not developing more relations with father in law and brothers in law and ignore the mother in law and the wives of her brothers in law. Similarly the husband must avoid having more relations with wives of his brothers.

(34) The husband should avoid teaching something in presence of his parents, his sisters or his brothers because his wife would take such teachings as insult to her and she would not tolerate.

These are some of the points which are often included in divorce petitions and therefore, the couple must know all these points and if need be they are at liberty to add more points in this list and both the partners should try to follow these points in every day life. It is expected that the number of divorces shall come down and the people shall start following the will of God and the couple shall marry only once and shall not file divorce petitions.

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5 Proven Methods to Save Your Marriage and Prevent Divorce

All couples want their marital union to last forever. Ideas of break up, separation, and divorce hardly come to their minds. In spite of this desire to be together forever, break ups and divorces do take place. Heart breaks are a harsh reality of life. You might wonder if there is a way to prevent divorce and break up. There sure is a way! However, your marriage will last only if you put in an honest effort to make it last.

Here are 5 time-tested and proven methods of preventing divorce. You will be happy to discover that saving your marriage and preventing divorce is entirely within you power.

1. Good Communication

Most couples end up getting divorced simply because they do not communicate their needs to each other. What do you want out of your relationship? Has it ever occurred to you that if you don’t tell your partner what you expect, your partner will find it impossible to meet your expectations?

You must have some quiet time with your partner. Use this time to talk to each other. Speak freely and frankly. Encourage your partner to do the same. Once you know what you expect from each other, you will find it easier to meet each other’s expectations.

Good communication is the number one way to avoid marital strife and to build up a harmonious relationship.

2. Accept Your Spouse

Your marriage can end in divorce if your expectations regarding your spouse are unreasonable. While it is alright to have certain expectations, exceptionally high expectations can lead to strife and disappointment.

Many people enter matrimony believing that they can “change” their partner. You can only change yourself, not anybody else. So, if you expect your partner to make major behavioral and lifestyle changes, expect to be disappointed too.

Accepting your spouse for the unique person that he or she is makes more sense and is the key to a happy married life.

3. Go for Couple Counseling

Many people hesitate to go for couple counseling even when they realize that something is seriously wrong with their marriage. You can easily save your marriage and prevent a divorce by taking external help. Counseling does cost money; but it is cheaper than getting a divorce.

4. Rediscover Your Spouse

If you find yourself “falling out of love,” ask yourself what made you fall in love with your spouse in the first place. Recall the dating phase of your relationship. Weren’t those the most beautiful days of your life? Those were the days when you were deeply in love with the same person you are now tired of.

The only solution to this problem is to relive the dating phase of your relationship. Do the same things you did for each other during those days. Look good for each other; listen to each other; write love letters to each other, purchase gifts for each other; go on dates together. In short, rediscover each other and fall in love again.

5. Remember that Divorce is Ugly

Divorce is ugly; it can shatter you mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially. Moreover, it can have a negative impact on your children. Trying to save your marriage is much easier than getting a divorce.

Being in a relationship is a great gift. Consider yourself blessed to be enjoying this gift. Honor and cherish your spouse and your relationship with each other. Make it one of the most important things in your life. With such an attitude, you will find it difficult to even think of divorce.

http://Breakup-Support.comhttp://www.breakup-support.com Helping you win back the one you love or recover from your breakup or divorce with dignity and strength.

Online dating dilemmas

The stigma of online dating has certainly stuck since its rise onto the singles scene about ten years ago. Generally, trends, views and peoples perceptions change with just about anything as new generations view these trends as the norm. However the “desperate” tag of online dating and singles chat rooms seems to have remained in tact despite the change of generations and online dating becoming increasingly (secretly) popular.

Online dating, for most singles is conducted with a degree of anonymity, at least at the start until you feel comfortable discussing your experiences with your friends regarding some of the singles you have dated. Lets face it, I’m sure it would make for some pretty interesting conversations. Common stories published online about online dating dilemmas include profile photos looking nothing like the real person, mobile phones ringing and being answered during the date or just bad manners in general.

In spite of the fact that online dating has become a socially standard means of dating for singles , most people are still some what slightly embarrassed to admit they’ve turned to a singles site for love. They fact is that many of us do it and it continues to gain popularity, however there still remains a strong element of awkwardness discussing the matter publicly.

Dating online in your local area also presents a potential problem in that you are bound to run into other singles you have dated online. If your trying to keep your dating membership a secret among your friends, you may find yourself in a spot of bother if one of your previous online dates spots you at the local pub with your mates and comes over for a chat and happens to mention to your friends how the two of you met. Try explaining your way out of that one!

Many of us know someone or have heard stories of online dates going horribly wrong. A singles profile gives off a certain impression, however meeting someone in a real life scenario rarely compares to their online dating profile. Did you know that singles who date online regularly will date eight different singles (on average) before they meet someone they click with. With those figures its easy to see why many singles stop using online dating sites and give up out of frustration caused by bad dates.