When you first began to date is a long way away from the decision you are now facing: should I begin to date again after my divorce? I can’t make that decision for you, but I can share some of the lessons I learned in the hopes they might be useful to you right now.

Children must always be the priority. They have to be provided for. They have to have appropriate child care. Once this is attended to, only then can you consider beginning to date again. Your in-laws or parents would more than likely love babysitting, but if that isn’t an option, pay for a babysitter.

I asked myself several questions when I began to date again that might be of help to you as they were to me. Are you dating to find the kids a new mom? Or are you dating because you want sexual gratification? Or are you dating because you are lonely? Could the reason be that you think you need someone with more income than you to fill in the gaps? Whatever your reasons are, please get clear and honest about them. When the time is right, share them honestly with your new date.

What kind of qualities or similar interests are you looking for in someone new to date? It’s wise to make a list of them, because something that simple can help attract the right person into your life and you are worth the time it takes to create this list.

Your children don’t need to hear about each casual date. They don’t have the maturity to process this information. They are still smarting from the absence of the other parent they love and want there full time. So keep your dating private until you have found the right one and then introduce the idea slowly.

How should you find someone? Should you go to bars? Should you go dancing? Should you use online personals? We all have personal preferences. Regardless of what you decide, make sure you’ve got support at each step along the way. Be very aware of the repercussions of whatever steps you take here because your main responsibility remains your children. Don’t do anything that could jeopardize them, like driving home under the influence or having sex without protection.

Did you learn anything about the role you played in your divorce? If you didn’t, you will take those same mistakes into every new relationship with the same results: a divorce. It’s wise to learn your lessons first and then take a new you out dating.

Are you ready and capable to see the flags that a person might not be best for you? Sit down with your best friend and make a list of the things to look for before you put yourself out there again. I’ve known some women who appear to be “alone” but who are really using a girlfriend and eye signals to determine if someone is okay or not. It’s safer to decide up front than to have remorse to live with.

Dating after you’re divorced from the perspective that your children come first can be a challenge, but I think you’re up for the task. If you didn’t find all you need in this article, look up “divorce dating” on the internet. There’s tons more. I hope you’re successful and never have to endure a second divorce.