What fathers are fighting a restraining order during a custody case, the renewal of the order’s date is important to remember. It might sound obvious, but in this article I’m going to explain why YOU need to take the greatest of care not to let this date pass you by, or underestimate its importance.
When you’re fighting a restraining order, it’s incredibly easy to let the court hearing slip by, un-noticed, or fail to prepare some simple, crucial steps for your defense. Fighting a restraining order can be a harrowing process, and you’re going to feel a lot of pressure – that’s especially true if you’re also going through a legal divorce, as well as trying to win a custody battle and fight a restraining order! But each year, thousands of American fathers fall into these types of easily-avoidable custody traps, and losing the right to see their kids – often for years at a time.
During these difficult times, it’s very important to be mindful of the date of the renewal of order, because you need to be aware of one thing: the court can, and in many cases WILL, automatically renew the order should the plaintiff request it. Your ex doesn’t even need to re-hire a lawyer, or produce new or better evidence. So if you’re fighting a restraining order due to phony abuse allegations, the same false “evidence” can continue to haunt you well into the future, far beyond the original expiry date.
When fighting my own restraining order, I came up against this exact problem. I was under some kind of delusion that I would be informed by the court that the time for renewal was due and that I should be prepared to defend myself against the action, much as I’d been served the legal papers the first time. I was stupid, and it cost me more time away from my two sons. The court automatically granted my ex-wife with a renewal of the restraining order without me realising until it was too late. The first I knew about it was when I was standing on her doorstep trying to visit my kids on the day of the original expiration. I thought that the time had passed and that I was once again safe to visit, trusting that by hiring an expensive lawyer I’d been told reliable advice. Some time in a police cell and a trip back to court made me understand just where I’d gone wrong. Don’t let this happen to you. You only get one chance to see your kids grow up.
Thankfully, in my case, I got the restraining order removed because I was able to successfully defend myself from the same action the following year – this time defending myself. I ended my three-year divorce and custody fight a lot more broke and a lot more wise about the nightmare facing American dads in today’s custody courts.
So whilst fighting a restraining order, always be aware of any important dates relating to the case and remember, it’s up to YOU to know them, prepare for them, and win in court. Your kids are depending on it.
Adam J. Jenkins runs the Fighting A Restraining Order website, which aims to show fathers how to win a custody battle during the divorce process.
What To Say And What To Avoid In Order To Succeed At Speed Dating
As with any other conversations there are things that you want to avoid saying when you are talking to others. On the other hand there are things that are good to say in order to succeed at speed dating.
Sometimes part of the problem with dating is people continually say the wrong things and even joke about putting their foot in their mouth.
While no guide or article can go through every comment that should or should not be said there are a few no nos for any speed dating session.
It is acceptable that a potential mate knows that you have had previous relationships with others. You should never speak ill of a past relationship or partner excessively. Even if you can’t stand the person or are angry at them you should not burden this new person with ugly comments, name calling or other negative conversation. Remember they want to see you in a positive light and are not concerned about your past relationship.
On the flip side of that do not speak about how great your ex lover really was either. If they were so great why are you still not together? You cannot start a new relationship based on a past relationship or talking about it all the time either.
Try to avoid speaking about negative things during your conversation. Everyone has a bad day, is sometimes broke financially or has a fight with a neighbor, but it is not a good idea to share this with someone that you are meeting for the first time. You absolutely cannot succeed at speed dating by having negative conversations. It is important that you make the other person feel good, comfortable and not stressed or feeling like they have taken a new job as a counselor.
Do not talk about your dysfunctional family, crazy neighbor or jerk of a boss when you are first getting to know someone else. This makes the person sitting across from you think that you have problems with everyone and that you are really the problem. They do not want someone that cannot get along with others or function in society without having a problem. If you do this it is guaranteed that the person will assume that they will be next. Since no one wants to be on the outside of a relationship badmouthing others is not a good idea.
Do not get into deep conversations talking about issues that could be controversial or offend the other person. Everyone has their opinions and is entitled to their own thoughts, but the beginning of a relationship is not the time to share these ideas.
Keep your conversations positive and talk about superficial things such as the weather, local news, or a great event that is coming to your town. This will keep the conversation on a happy and healthy note allowing the both of you to enjoy your session.
You can talk about what you expect out of life, where you want to be in the future or your plans. This is fine because these are things that you are striving for and are not negative or self defeatest behavior. In fact this is an excellent thing to spend a great deal of time on to ensure that you and this potential partner have like goals.
Talking about your career is not a bad thing and it does give the other person some insight to your life. You do want to be careful about spending too much time on your career or seeming as if you are married to your job. Potential mates want someone that is ambitious and successful, but also has a good balance with their priorities.
It is also a good idea if you have children or something else that would influence a relationship to go on and let the person know. It is better to be up front and honest than to let the person find out and then have to make a decision.
Honesty is the biggest key to succeeding at speed dating.
Lee Blackspur is the owner of My-Dating-Advice.com which provides online and offline dating tips, advice and articles for men, women and teens of all ages and experience.