In our young adult days, our lack of experience affects the relationships we enter into. We simply are unaware of what is buried inside us, so we frequently miss clues that are right in our faces. For example, my decision to marry my first wife was way below my consciousness.

I wanted to know what mistakes I’d made that prompted my divorce, so I began to work with a psychologist.We’d work together occasionally over nearly six months. We’d talk, explore things, and then it all came together. It all clicked.

One day she told me, “You’re a strong man, so weaker women are attracted to you.” By weaker she meant insecure. We all know people who are insecure and the more insecure they are, the less fun they are to be around. They tend to project their insecurities on other people.

I’m not a psychologist, but I got it. I learned something about me. I looked back and realized I dated many women who were insecure. I began to see more and more clearly that inside me, I had an ego hungry for someone to ‘need’ me.

From that time forward, I was more aware of the decision that prompted me to marry my first wife and how to choose better to prevent that second divorce.

There are lots of factors that can play into why you make the decisions you do, and there are lots of ways to recognize when your spouse is cheating on you. Here is a list of clues for you:

- There are unexplained gaps of time in his schedule

- The reasons given for the missing chunks doesn’t ring true inside you

- You no longer spend the same amount of quality time together

- You are discouraged from ever answering their cell phone

- He/she doesn’t want to have sex with you any more (or as often)

- Their words to you are classified as less-than-loving

- His/her blink rate increases when they talk to you.

Now this last one deserves some explaining as the rest are pretty obvious. When an individual has a very slow blink rate, this is often a sign that he or she has a fear of abandonment. “If I close my eyes, you’ll be gone!” When an individual has a very fast blink rate, this is often a sign of engulfment, and is frequently a sign that they are lying. “If I close my eyes, you’ll go away and I won’t have to deal with you.”

Sometimes, when an individual is lying, he/she cannot look at you at all. This is a similar version of the rapid eye blink symbol. If he touches his face, behind his ears etc with his hands, this is another symbol of lying. He would never touch his heart while lying. When guilty, your spouse will become defensive. An honest person takes the offensive stance. Sometimes, an answer is delayed when the person is lying. Women lie to make others feel good. Men lie to make themselves look good. Detectives frequently look for blink rates or the movement of eyes to identify a liar. You should be so savvy yourself in order to prevent yet another divorce.

There’s an old saying that “Winners never cheat and cheaters never win.” There’s a lot of truth in that old proverb. Once your trust is destroyed by the lying of your spouse, it’s very difficult to conjure it up again.