I have had so many readers write and ask me, “How should I act on the first date? What should we talk about? How do you keep the conversation interesting?”, that I felt I should address these points a bit further.
The first thing to remember when you’re meeting up with a girl for ‘a date’ is that it’s not an interview. You’re not applying for a job (and neither is she), so don’t act like it.
It’s so funny to me when I sit down in a restaurant and I hear a couple that’s obviously out on their first date… and the guy has no idea what to do. It sounds something like this:
“So, did you grow up around here?”
“Where did you go to school?”
“Do you have brothers and sisters?”
“What kinds of things do you like to do for fun?”
Painful. Why is it that people tend to act like they’re on job interviews when they go out on dates? It’s such a not-right thing to do. I mean, no wonder women sit around with each other and complain about how hard it is to find an interesting guy in this world.
Here’s a good rule of thumb: only ask questions or talk about common, boring, predictable topics like school, work and family if you have absolutely run out of all other options.
And why is this? Good question. And I’m glad you asked. First, let’s talk about why most guys allow the conversation to turn to these ultra-boring topics… Most guys approach a first date from the perspective of ‘I don’t want to screw this up’. In other words, they try to play it safe and not do anything or say anything that the girl might not like.
They try to present themselves as ‘nice guys’ who love mom, have a good job, and are stable.
Somehow, guys have gotten the idea that if they act nice, buy dinner, and talk about the same old things that everyone else uses to bore women to tears that they might get lucky and score (or at least get a kiss and a second opportunity to buy dinner). I don’t know where this concept came from, but it’s just not a very effective approach.
Women aren’t attracted to the same old, boring, predictable conversation. Attraction happens when there is energy, spice, humor, mystery… cocky and funny… and saucy conversation.
So if you want to create attraction instead of boredom, you’re going to have to learn a new way. You’re going to have to learn to talk about something else.
The trick to not talking about the ‘usual’ things is to know how to make conversation interesting.
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