Our modern culture reminds us to use calm voices, speak clearly, and limit revealing our emotions. In some circumstances, this approach results in a sneaky undercurrent of categorizing a person who reacts loudly and with intense emotion to a situation as a hysteric, as a lunatic, or as an unstable individual.
This new cultural approach was even evident in our last Presidential election when Hillary Clinton was described as “shrill,” or when footage of her becoming upset in a situation was aired for American viewers.
It is an important lesson for those of us getting a divorce to learn well. Calm at all costs.
In terms of divorce, an accurate assessment of our own personality type is, therefore is our first step and our first tactic in getting out of a marriage with results that will serve us best and that are obtainable within our own circumstances.
After the decision to divorce has been made, one might believe that the emotional upheaval is behind him or her. However, as the division of lives that were once joined in marriage moves along, there are likely to be flare-ups of hurt feelings, accusations, and perhaps even threats.
The reason that we must each become honest enough to assess our own reactions is that the choice of how to get divorced is critical to the outcome of the divorce.
Many people choose to visit a lawyer and get a separation agreement. If your spouse is the “calm” party and you are the more volatile party, this is probably a pretty good divorce tactic because it minimizes your contact with your soon-to-be ex-spouse.
Many people who opt for mediation believe that they are calm enough to meet with their soon-to-be ex-spouse and come up with a plan for division of property and custody and visitation issues so that they can bring that plan to the significantly less expensive mediators to draw up a valid separation agreement.
However, many divorcing couples, especially those who were capable of taking care of the business of running a household, fail to consider that the division of that household will likely bring out the raw emotions of each individual’s personality. Such an oversight might create the undue expense of seeing a mediator only to have to hire a lawyer at a later date, or might result in one party conceding more than he or she should simply to get out of the situation.
The primary decision you have to make after you’ve decided that you will get divorced is who will handle the paperwork for your divorce.
Your first divorce tactic is to determine whether a lawyer is best for your situation or whether you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse are suited to mediation.
Cory Aidenman has been married three times and divorced twice. After a disastrous first divorce, he has discovered many
divorce tactics that lead to a ‘Successful Divorce’. Click below a free $97 Divorce Survival Kit:
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