It’s never an easy thing ending a relationship or marriage. I’ve seen a hand full of my friends deal with their parents getting divorced and whether it was a short or long-term breakup, it really seemed to affect them mentally and emotionally. Personally, I was engaged and unfortunately, things didn’t turn out the way I hoped for, but I got through it and because of that I am in a better position to provide you with advice that can help dating after divorce.
Whether or not a relationship was successful, it’s still hard to let go and move forward. A divorce, in my opinion, is considered a loss of something more than just two people. When two people get married, they are considered to become “One.” From that day forward, the ways nouns are used are entirely different. It changes from “I” to “we,” from “me” to “us,” and from “mine” to “ours.”
From that day on so many things are shared. I guess the only things that really belong to you alone are your clothes and other things that men and women cannot share. But compared to the big picture, these things are considered minor. Two people that plan on being together make plans together. I guess after the words “Till death do you part” are mentioned, so much planning begins. It’s from these words dreams are shared, goals are set, and the predictions begin.
But what happens after all the planning has been made and these two people decide to separate? Well, it’s like being at ten and having to start back a zero. It’s almost similar to being reborn, for you have to learn how to live all over again, but this time, alone. Because there is so much hope and excitement at the beginning, it brings so much disappointment when it doesn’t go as planned. The question becomes: “Where do you go from here?” “Will you ever be able to move on?” “Will you ever find someone else?”
Although the main goal is moving on, there is no need for any rush. Below are some tips that worked pretty well for me:
Try not to be alone – When I was going through my breakup I always surrounded by people that cared and loved me. Although it didn’t take the pain away, it was good to know that I wasn’t going through it alone.
Speak your true feelings – One of the worse things you can do is store anything inside. This is not the time to “be strong” because, like they say, what comes up must come down, so although it may seem like everything is ok, it’s only a matter of time until these true feelings come back to haunt you. It’s good to have a good friend that is willing to listen to whatever it is you have to say.
Keep aiming towards personal goals – It is not the end of the world! You must proceed to push forward with your personal goals in order to make something out of yourself because at the end of the day, moving forward is the end goal. What better way to move attack, then achieving goals that allow a solo future.
Don’t rush into another relationship – It’s very common for someone to seek to fill that emptiness that they once had. At this stage of the game, vulnerability doesn’t help, because a feeling you may think you have, may not be that feeling at all. Aim to be happy alone and keep from relying on someone else to bring you happiness. The best way to move on is to be comfortable with the thought of being alone first.
Learn from your mistakes – Take the time to evaluate yourself. Remember, there is no such thing as a bad experience unless you have not been able to take anything from it. There is always room for improvement and for that reason, it is important to using that time to better yourself.
I can say it’s been a little over a year since my 3 year relationship and I’m doing great. I am more motivated than ever to getting where I need to be and I am to the point where I feel like I can date again. Like I said before, it wasn’t a walk in the park, but most of the advice that I’ve given were a key to me being where I am today. Not only have I become wiser, but I’m confident enough to say that it was a wonderful experience and from that experience I’ve grown to be a better man that will take the lessons from that past relationship in so that I can bless the relationship to come.
Giovanni Azael is a dating specialist who writes dating advice for men and women. You can find more dating after divorce advice at www.giosdatingadvice.com.