Tune into your intuition that this is NOT gonna work ladies, and don’t waste your time. Sometimes a man’s behavior provides a peek into the future, and it ain’t pretty. In that instant, all the dots are connected and a picture of what life could be emerges. You may just have to accept that no matter how great a guy you thought he was at first, this would-be relationship has come to its end.

Lack of Couth Gets A Date The Boot

“I was talking to an old boyfriend and he asked like he always does: “whatever happened to us?” said Rhonda, a 33 year old divorced single mother pensively. “I reflected way back when, to an incident in a shrimp and salad bar restaurant with him crunching on the shrimp without peeling the shell off first. He then swallowed it whole. I remember him complaining about how tough the shrimp were.”

“In that one instant, I just KNEW that I would never, ever be with him for the long term. He really didn’t know any better, and I didn’t have the heart to tell him. He was crunching away on the shell covered shrimp, squiggly legs and all… looking all lovingly into my eyes. The spell was broken. Might sound a little superficial on the surface, but this one slip-up was indicative of the basic problems we had in our relationship. I knew that I had out grown him. And it was time to go.”

Nicole is happily married now, but laughs heartily about several past dates. “One guy I dated for a short time would blow his nose at the dinner table on his napkin. Another would use coffee filters as tissues. A companionable card game turned to “eewwww!” real quick!”

Strange, Bizarre, Unusual, Crazy But True!

Alana, a 35 year old computer network technician chimed in with her story. “There was once this super fine guy that I dated… I mean this man was absolutely gorgeous! He resembled Rick Fox, okay!? But he had one habit that was absolutely repulsive. I don’t know what the condition was called, but he had what I guess was a saliva problem. When he talked some kind of thick white film formed around the edges of his mouth. It was just disgusting! I knew that I could fall in love with him and I did. We were even engaged for a (very) short period of time. But love is not always enough. It got so I dreaded kissing him, and after awhile when I looked at him my stomach turned. Needless to say I got rid of him.”

Marie believes in giving a guy a few chances, but even she had to get on the “been there, done that” wagon. “I dated a guy three times that felt that he knew me so well he had no reason to enter into meaningful conversation with me! When I would express my opinion, he would tell me that he knew that was not what I was really thinking. I think he had me confused with his ex-wife. He got the same result though, we both dumped his controlling butt!”

Taking Physical Liberties

Shoshanna, an 18 year old student at a Northern California university wishes guys would be more sensitive to a woman’s comfort zone and not rush into being physical. “I went out with this guy once and during the first date, he started holding my hand. I know for some people it may not be a big deal, but for me I just think it’s too soon to be holding my hand and I barely know you! I mean everywhere we went that evening he grabbed my hand. Needless to say after that, I made sure we didn’t go on another date!”

Oversharing and TMI

“I was set up on a blind date by friends,” wrote Rachael, a 28 year old legal secretary in Boston. “He called and asked where I wanted to go for dinner, so I suggested my favorite Italian seafood restaurant. He was tall, dark and handsome and I was looking forward to getting to know more about him as a person. Well, that curiosity didn’t last long!”

“After we ordered he began to talk incessantly about his ex. Apparently they’d broken up not too long before our date, and he was obviously still fixated on her. He told me about the abortion she had, his pre-diabetic condition, how she cheated on him, what he did to retaliate, and what a b@@@h she was. I ate my food, then asked if he was going to eat his (since he was busy talking). When he said “no”, I ate most of his too. We never went out again but I still enjoyed the great dinner I had that night!”

Cell Phones Dial Up Big Problems

Sherisse is a youthful looking 45 year old mother of two college aged children. Because of her strict exercise routine and great genes, she attracts and dates men 10-15 years her junior. No problem with age per se, but what bothers her about many of her dates is their ignorance of how to treat a lady when on a date.

“It’s ridiculous to go on a date with a man who claims to want to get to know me, only to have him constantly answering his cell phone or texting like a teenager. Another actually got up and left me sitting alone for 10-15 minutes while he carried on a whispered conversation some yards away. The next guy that does that will return to an empty table. Outside of an emergency call from your babysitter or aged mother, it’s the epitome of rudeness to answer the phone for every single call while on a date! Why don’t men get that?”

There are, of course, many more issues that turn a date off, which will be covered in Volumes 2 and 3 of this series. After such an experience, most singles go home shaking their heads, asking “how did I get myself into such a mess?”

Accept that fact that you can’t know EVERYTHING you need to know when you first meet someone. Dating is, after all, a process of elimination. You date around until you find a good fit, someone that feels comfortable and cozy, like a puzzle piece you two fit together.

The shrimp shell eater (he ate the legs and tail too) was an epiphany for Rhonda.

“I knew that I couldn’t live a life without culture and some of the finer things. And I also knew that he was going no farther than where he was in life. It’s several years later and unfortunately, I was right. He lives within 5 blocks of where he was born, works at a dead-end job, and has never experienced much of anything. I needed more. The incident just tied everything together in a neat little package for me.”