In today’s complex social culture, this simple question is actually full of complexity. If you haven’t REALLY looked at the issue your dating adventures will surely be a frustrating maze of hits and misses, mostly…misses…
There are more “masculine” women and “feminine” men in today’s world than ever before in the history of humankind, as a direct result of the Women’s Liberation Movement, and now what we have is well…a bit of a mess…and also some really wonderful opportunities for modern day single men and modern day single women to decide who they really want to be and the role they really want to play in their future romance.
You’re feminine if you are graceful, refined, compassionate, kind, sensitive, tender, soft and patient. Stylish and fashionable, vulnerable, submissive, flexible, adaptable, supportive, receptive, attentive, respectful, tactful, emotional, dependent, passive, quiet, accepting, sensual, vibrant, gentle, helpful and caring. If your focus is on love and sharing, if you’re a good listener, and you have soft, flowing energy – you’re feminine.
You’re masculine if you’re strong, aggressive, active, tough-skinned, independent, logical, competitive, tough, rebellious, controlling and protective. A masculine person is someone who’s single-minded, focused and who likes to take-charge and direct. Masculine people are disciplined, independent, stable, and practical, passionate but non-emotional.
The trouble starts when we have a masculine woman who thinks the right fit for her is a masculine man. When in reality that masculine man is naturally best suited to be with a feminine woman. The secret for today’s strong, capable, accomplished woman is for her to learn to shift back and forth between both modalities, so she can be effective in the workplace and ALSO have a chance at attracting a man who has the masculine qualities she respects and admires.
Opposites attract. A strong, powerful, successful woman is actually well suited for a man who has softer, more feminine energy. Thinking outside the gender-role box might just deliver Prince Charming…
Susan owns a successful law practice and her husband, Phil is a creative type – he’s a caterer and he loves cooking for the family and taking care of the household chores. George is a writer and yoga teacher and his wife, Sharon is a physician.
The message? Take a look to see if you demonstrate more feminine or masculine qualities and then be open to being with and partnering with someone who demonstrates the opposite. See what happens and report back. I love to hear your stories…
Julie Ferman
Founder, Cupid’s Coach
www.CupidsCoach.com
About Julie Ferman
I think I’m definitely an exception to a lot of rules. I’m generally masculine personality-wise (except for the fact that I’m very creative and eccentric but in an oddly masculine way, one type of my “art” consists of blowing things up in a microwave that could kill me if I’m not careful) and I’m built like a grizzly bear but I’m attracted to masculine women. Not just masculine, but enough so that if people saw us together, some might think we were a gay couple. I think I’m weird in that I like a girl that’s both a best friend and a lover. I like when a girl has a guyish personality and shares a lot of the same interests and hobbies that I do. As an example of a girl I think is hot, look up Erika Linder. I noticed I’m most attracted to females who identify as genderqueer. Unfortunately, of the ones interested in cisgender men, they prefer feminine men with docile personalities and delicate features. I’m more independent (to a fault), aggressive, protective, logical, I roll my eyes and laugh at overly sentimental glurge, and I look like I should be wearing chainmail and carrying a battleaxe. I would say in looks I’m 90% masculine and in personality about 75% (I don’t believe anyone is 100% either or). My ideal partner in looks is about 40-60% masculine (using the full scale, not just the accepted societal range of female appearance) and about 50-60% in personality. I know it makes me a weirdo to prefer that kind of dynamic, but such is life.