Some user friendly websites that I have found for internet dating are as follows: POF.com, Singlesnet.com, and OK Cupid.

POF facts you may want to know more about

POF.com (Plenty of fish) offers a lot of free features that one you may find very enjoyable are the chemistry match questions, search, online chat, the meet me section where you can click on photos of available singles, and trying out the ultra match section for free.  I especially liked the chat section because you can go in ask members who have been there awhile what they think of the site and how they are approaching their online dating.  They were all really very honest about how they were addressing online dating and gave me some good tips on how to approach the site even though a lot of profiles held inactive members. Some of the features you can enjoy if you upgrade are extra mail storage, access to ultra match, quality photo upgrades, see if your emails are read, and experience the site ad free. Some slight disadvantages to the site are a lot of people you may write to are no longer single or available, and simply forgot to delete their profiles, and there are only 7 pictures you can post to the site as a non paying member. A great amount of time is spent getting to know who is and who is not really there, and some humans just don’t respond at all. This doesn’t it any easier in finding live bodies to correspond with.  It is still a wonderful, delightful site for what it is, with a lot going for it.

Singlesnet.com features you may want to dive into further

Singlesnet.com (not to be confused with singles.net) is a really great site. For the plus side on the features, you can chat with someone live, email the gold members (paying members) for free, set up your email, view member’s profiles, and do a proprietary match. Other cool features are the sending a free flirt, save a contact, and instant message chat request. You would not have to make a chat request if you decided to become a paying member. One very whimsical element to this site is that the site will tell you if this person is more of your match a friend, or an enemy depending on how they answered their profile questions. It’s so clear as to who you would want to avoid by just seeing this percentage, as well. Someone with a high level of enemy rating would most definitely not be a good love match for you.  Some benefits to becoming a paying member, automatic chats, not requests, your profile becomes a gold member profile and it stands out more to other members, and you can send an email to both gold and non-gold members. A not so easy to use feature is the log in feature. Whereas most sites have their log in feature to the far upper left or right side of the screen, this site chose to put their log in information far down below all other material, center, in very tiny letters. It is extremely hard to see the letters, too. It does finally take you onto another page with the bigger log on information, but that step just makes it more time consuming.

OK Cupid; little things you might want to check out more

The site OK Cupid really cracks me up, first the name, then this wonderful lady named Cupidista (Meghan) comes and welcomes you to the site in an email. She even gives you extra photo slots just for being an active member in good standing. Others things I like about the site are that you have up to about ten photo slots and you can select people to view by your preference list, and email people without paying a single dime out of your pocket.  There seems to be enough singles on the site to write to, and you can even upgrade and know who has put you on their A list, or get more saved messages (over 300).  A special section called “you might like” is embedded underneath your main profile picture, and is super simple to use. One drawback to the site is that sometimes you can’t find out where to delete an older photo.  I had to write to support about that one. I am still waiting on a reply back, but other than that, it is an enjoyable and user friendly site.

I started internet dating again about a month ago. These are some things I have come to realize or are the opinions of my friends and associates. It is definitely a numbers game, the person you match with might not be the person you end up being soul mates with, and some will talk all day long on the chat line, yet never meet you. Also, try to avoid the smug people. They will frustrate you every time.
Online Dating Is a Numbers Game
Online dating is a numbers game. Wake up and smell the roses if you didn’t know this. You’ve got to keep on playing the numbers, till that one combination becomes the winning one, and you end up married to the person of your dreams. If you set your sights high, then you need to remember you are only going to be concerned about 10% of the people who write to you on a dating site. The other 90% are there to weed through, sort out, and throw away (delete the emails from the universe). It can be quite frustrating to walk through the mundane, but eventually you meet the right person, and you don’t wonder about the time the person was not in your life.
Sometimes There’s an Irking Earl lurking Around the Corner.
I’ve set my personal standards higher because I am seeking my soul mate at this point, but what I personally found ridiculous lately, is a particular guy, we will call him Earl. Earl shouts at me on one of the dating sites I am on. He seems really anxious to meet me, and we almost end up meeting the same day because we are getting along great online. There is genuine interest. However, after he leaves for a holiday, only 3 days later, I never hear from Earl again. Did I do something wrong here, absolutely not. Earl, I believe, is an online shout cosmonaut. He just shouts at people and he never intends to meet them. Is Earl a dating frustration, definitely! It’s time to pack up my bags and move on from cosmonaut Earl.
Where You Meet Someone, Mix It Up
A friend Tracy, age 30, is on one particular dating site. She has various new pictures, about 10 in all, all new and done up by a professional photographer, and even has a very catchy title, but does anyone catch her, no. It’s been about a couple of months and now she is starting to worry about it. What Tracy may not understand though, is that you can’t put your eggs in one basket. There are other places to meet people, and Tracy should be looking there, too. One can meet by a matchmaker, a coffee shop outing, a church, a meet up, all sorts of groups or networking events to name a few. Once you open up your horizons then the more likely the numbers game will work in your favor, and you are likely to meet the person of your dreams. Sitting alone in your room is not going to get you your soul mate. You must make some kind of effort, or your results will never be what you hoped for.

Smug People Have No Reason
Have you ever met some who thought that he or she was God’s gift to the world on the internet, and thought they were better than you? Wake up. This person is not worth your time, and I wouldn’t think twice about dating someone like this. People need to look at the whole picture of what they would like and need in a mate. Smug people might go around thinking they are better than everyone else. What they are really doing is hiding some insecure feeling that they aren’t that great in some area, or they wouldn’t be over projecting themselves. If you really do feel good on the inside and out you will not be trying to overcompensate when you are out there talking to people in the real world. I hope this article has given you more insights to the frustrations of online dating and things you can now avoid in the future.

The current day and age, navigating the confusing and often contradictory world of dating rituals can be an intimidating and frustrating experience.

“Never call a man”, “Don’t ask a woman out, get her to ask you”, “Play hard to get”, “Tease her with small insults”, “Cook him a big meal”, “Don’t be too nice to her” and infamous “3 date” or “Two month” or “Six month” rules that schedule events as simple as “when to kiss”, “when to take a vacation together”, “when to propose”, etc. have ruined the spontanaeity and fun of dating. “Do this, don’t do that”. Whatever happened to the REAL purpose of dating: to get to know another individual, to let time take its course and fall in love (for how can someone not fall in love with anyone they enjoy spending time with and learn to appreciate?), and finally enjoying the feeling of being in love and being loved? Unfortunately, American dating rituals and modern customs have made this last, but seminal point of the whole ordeal: to meet and get to know someone you will want to love, almost moot.

Many advice columns and books tell you that if you follow certain rules or tactics, you can make yourself attractive to the opposite sex almost independent of who you are. While I believe it is true that looks is not a very important consideration when you’re looking for the love of your life (he or she may not come in the package you expected), what most advice columns and “dating method” tricks ignore is that you cannot magically make yourself attractive to another and build a healthy relationship with someone if

a) you are an uninteresting person on your own,

b) your life is not together, or

c) the other person’s personality clashes with yours.

In the case where you and your date’s personality clash, well, there’s nothing either one of you can do about it, so it is good to keep in mind when the dating process eventually arrives to its inevitable conclusion. But in this case you’ve both gained something out of the experience: you’ve met and gotten to know someone, and you’ve learned about yourself. If you handle things properly and the personalities are not insidiously incompatible you may have even won a friend. It is just a part of dating.

But in the case of items a) and b), you should ask yourself if this is the REAL reason you are unsuccessful at dating. Perhaps it has nothing to do with whether you called her on a Monday or a Tuesday. Perhaps it is not whether you cooked him fish instead of chicken for dinner on the 3rd date instead of the 5th date. But if you think about it, all your actions–when/if you call, whether you buy her flowers or a card, whether you pick her up or she meets you somewhere, whether you treat her with respect or tease her with insults, whether you kiss him, sleep with him, or just hug him,what you do and where you go during your dates, etc, ALL OF THIS, is a reflection of both of those items.

Is your life not together? Are you unemployed and can’t invite your date out to an activity that you will both enjoy? Do you have other commitments at home that require you to limit the time you have available for dates or cancel them while they are going on? Do you feel unhappy about where your life is going at this point in time? Are you in the process of moving away to some other location? Are you new in town? All of these circumstances and situations will affect how you date, and your personal situation will sooner or later become evident to the person you’re dating. If you’ve been smart enough to choose someone worthwhile to date, who has the same goals in dating as yourself (we’re assuming the only real purpose of dating is what we stated at the beginning: to meet and find someone to love), then when you don’t have your life in order they will immediately realize that investing in a long term relationship with you is probably a risky prospect. Many people might decide not to get further involved with you if this is the case.

Are you an uninteresting person? Are you negative, sarcastic, or a general buzz kill? Do you have angry outbursts? Are you selfish? (selfishness is the biggest turnoff for women, while neediness seems to be the biggest turnoff for men). Or perhaps you don’t have any serious personality flaws but your life revolves around work and TV (or work and videogames, which seems to be the Bay Area equivalent!). Do you have fun hobbies that someone else (i.e. your date) might like to learn about or share? Do you have an exciting social life that your date might want to participate in? Are you happy? It goes without saying that throughout the dating process both sexes evaluate what the other person brings to the relationship. If you are unable to contribute in an amount equal to what your date brings, chances are the relationship won’t go very far.

“Well, alright, these are all good points, but how does that help me when dating?” you might ask. Well, the biggest secret to dating is –that there is just one secret. And this one secret is this: Are you happy? It is this question that encompasses all of those items a, b, and c. above. If you are a genuinely, unhesistatingly, and enthusiastically happy, you’ll be an irresistible date. Everybody likes to be around positive, high-energy people who are confident and content with where their life is at the moment. Rules will suddenly not matter, because if you’re happy you’ll have the confidence to break or follow conventions and rituals according to what feels right for the situation. If you are happy, too, you will know when to let go of dates or situations that are draining, unhealthy, or are not leading you to where you want to go.

O.K., I forgot. There IS another little secret. And it is this: date only happy people. Yes, they are rare (because many people say that they are happy when everything in their life reflects that they aren’t), but when you find one, and you are happy too, I guarantee you that your dating experience will be all that it was always meant to be: wonderful.

by TechieGirl

Dating in a Struggling Economy

By Angie Peckham

Everyone wants love.  It’s a simple fact of life.  We like the idea of someone finding us so amazing that they’d rather be spending time with us than doing almost anything else (not that I can actually think of anything anyone would rather do than spend time with us, but you know the opposite sex – they’re slippery).

The point is, we are addicted to our mating ritual.  We crave the butterflies we feel at the beginning of a relationship.  We anticipate that first kiss and making sure the pheromones are all working the way they should be.  We dream about settling into a gentle game of playing house once the initial excitement has abated.  We love being in love.

Finding that special person to happily fall asleep with and slowly wake up with is complicated enough without the economy throwing us a curveball.  So what are we, the poor, the struggling, the unemployed to do?  Are we to sit at home in the dark, getting more and more depressed, isolated from workday human interaction and denied the experience of feeling those butterflies and playing house?

Some might think that if you are unemployed, you should not be out having fun at all.  They believe that you must spend all of your waking hours on your job search.  These people are normally amongst the employed.  We don’t like them.  What those naysayers fail to realize is that you need the human interaction.  You need the emotional and intellectual stimulation, dangit, and you need to get out and see the world once in awhile.

What you may not recognize, while you’re sitting around moping and eating everything in your fridge out of boredom, is that a struggling economy can actually be a blessing in disguise.  Just think – now you can date people with irregular schedules.

You know that fireman you’ve noticed when you’re out doing your grocery shopping?  The one with the shiny red truck and the large hose?  He has an irregular schedule, and now, you have a schedule perfectly suited to dating him.  The hot blonde behind the bar with the tight top and the great assets?  Guess what time she gets off work?  You don’t have to get up in the morning.  Therefore, you can handle her schedule, and then, if you’re lucky, her assets.  Think police, wait staff, DJ’s, musicians.  Your being unemployed has suddenly opened up an entirely new dating pool for you.

Now that you’re aware of the unemployment bright side, you need to figure out how to date on a limited budget.  This is the really sucky reality of unemployed dating, but it can be done.  Here are some things to keep in mind:

Be Honest – Be up front about your situation with potential dates.  If you have an online dating profile, make it clear that you are currently a victim of the economy, but that you are excited about your prospects for the future.  You will inevitably be asked what you do for a living if you meet someone in a social situation.  Have an answer ready.  Lucky for you, the economy is bad all the way around.  A lot of people have lost their jobs, and everyone knows someone who has been affected, so there are a lot of understanding and sympathetic people out there.

Don’t Spend – It’s very hard to be a social butterfly if you don’t have the cash to do so.  Do you have friends who play in a band or work in a bar or nightclub?  Have them put you “on the list.”  This allows you to get in for free and possibly meet someone new.  If you’re a guy, the pressure to buy someone you’ve met a drink can feel overwhelming, so decide ahead of time if this is the kind of outing you’re going to have.  If you’re a girl, you’re a little luckier, as someone will likely buy you a drink at some point.  Only attend free events.  Concerts in the park, exploration of the city, throwing some darts, going on a hike – all of these are fun, interactive and free or virtually free.

Even buying the gas to get to an event can be a struggle, so factor that into your costs when planning outings, and if you’re the one dating a financially struggling person, keep in mind the cost of having them come to you.

Get Active – We are no good to anyone else if we aren’t being good to ourselves.  The worst thing you can do for yourself when you lose your job is hide out in your house.  If you were on an exercise regimen before your situation changed, keep it up.  In fact, now’s the time to step it up.  You get to enjoy the gym when nobody else is there.  You get the bike paths to yourself.  You can go running at 11:00pm if you like.  It doesn’t matter what you choose.  Just choose something.  If you feel good about yourself, that vibe will carry and you will attract others.

Have Fun – When you’re out on a date, keep the conversation light and have fun.  Try to forget your troubles for a little while and enjoy the company you’re with.  Who knows?  Maybe you’ll end up seeing a lot more of them.

How to Master dating American Women

American dating rituals can keep a lot of surprises in store for the unsuspecting ex-pat, even one who was successful with women in his own country. This culture shock will manifest itself in american women taking some unexpected actions in their interactions with men.

IMOP (I Made Other Plans)

When you have been IMOPed, it’s usually when you are trying to firm up some tentative plans that were made previously. Typically you will agree with the girl to set aside some time in each other’s calendars to spend some time together. The date and an approximate time are agreed. You also agree that the specific time, location and activity will be confirmed later when you call closer to the agreed time.

You then call closer to the agreed time, and are shocked at the audacity of the girl saying “Oh I didn’t hear from you, so I made other plans.”

Your first instinct is to say, “but you did hear from me, we agreed to meet at the date and time specified, now here I am calling as promised to get the details sorted.”

Despite feeling like you have been insulted, arguing with her using logic is pointless. From her point of view, you left it too close to the date to call her. There was a time at which she was expecting you to call, and once that time had passed, she made the following assumptions:

• You had decided to cancel the date
• You were not going to tell her that the date was cancelled because you don’ t have the manners to do so
• The fact that you didn’t call when she wanted you to proves that you aren’t taking her seriously enough
• She was under no obligation to tell you that she had canceled the date

Her canceling the date is a deliberate rebuke designed to show you that she has a veto over any decision made in the relationship, and that she is willing to sacrifice your time with her if you do not comply with her requirements.

From your perspective, you are probably wondering the following:

“How on Earth was I supposed to know exactly when to call?”

American women have a different idea of making plans than people in other countries. Planning is carried out much further ahead, and once a plan is made it is written in stone, with the exception that she reserves the right to change the plan.

Knowing when to call (Tc) is also fraught with dangers, since calling too soon can make it sound like you’re too keen and therefore a desperate loser, and calling too late can get you IMOPed. As a rule of thumb, take the time between when the tentative arrangement was made (Ta), and the time when the date was scheduled for (Td), and find the halfway mark between them. That is your optimum time to call. Therefore Tc=Td-((Td-Ta)/2).

“Why would she assume I was canceling the date?”

American culture has women on a pedestal while men are portrayed as dishonest, unfaithful, untrustworthy, and only interested in sex. The accuracy or otherwise of that perception is beyond the scope of this article, but the culture of cynicism that it has spawned is so widespread that honest men who make innocent little slip-ups find themselves having to apologize for their actions that are interpreted as deliberate acts of anti-female behavior. If you have been IMOPed, it is likely that she assumed the worst about you and tarred you with the same brush as all the dishonest american men she either dated previously or heard reports about from her friends or on TV talk shows with female-dominated audiences. It’s nothing personal, so it is best not to take it as such.

“If she had her doubts about whether or not the date was still on, why didn’t she just call and ask?”

American dating culture is averse to women calling men. Women are conditioned into having what borders on a phobia about it. In her mind, the man is supposed to pursue her, and for her to call you is to make her sound desperate and compromise her status as a strong and independent woman. Furthermore, american women expect to be able to page men telepathically (see next section). You should never expect an American woman to call you, even if she said that she would.

The Telepathic Page

Paging someone by conventional means involves calling them, getting a recorded message, and pressing a button that triggers a message on the person’s phone asking them to call you back.

Paging someone telepathically is where an American woman will decide that you are supposed to call her at a given time, but she will not tell you this. Instead she will expect you to somehow know that you are meant to call her. When you fail to get this telepathic message, this triggers a negative reaction in her that takes the following forms in ascending order of seriousness:

• Mild resentment
• Strong resentment
• Sulking
• Speculation about why you didn’t call
• Hysterical calls to all of her friends asking for their opinions on why you didn’t call
• IMOPing

Calculating Tc when there is a Ta and Td present is relatively straightforward. However, there are other times during dating that you will be paged telepathically, and knowing when it is is something that cannot be broken down into a formula. It varies from woman to woman. Some women have specific rules about it, and if you are lucky she will let you know what they are, but in general it will be after you have missed at least one telepathic page. This will usually be enough to give you an idea, and as you get to know the woman better you will be able to judge when you need to call.

The need to be spontaneously contacted is a trait that derives from primitive societies. The female needs to know that her partner will always be around and will come looking for her when she needs him even if she is incapacitated and is unable to contact him.

Paying

Like tipping in restaurants, the etiquette of who pays for what in American dating has enough pitfalls for non-Americans to fill an entire season of Seinfeld.

If you invite a girl out on a first date that involves spending money, it’s customary for you to pay. If you keep going on dates with the same girl, you may gradually increase the amount she pays until you end up going Dutch. This provides a good financial incentive for you to make your dates successful, since there are women who deliberately go on dates with no intention of getting into a relationship with the man, but see it as entertainment and free dinner. A string of first dates can be expensive, which perhaps explains the popularity of the coffee date which is more affordable than a large meal. If you find that you are falling victim to so-called dinner whores, you may prefer to switch to activity dates where there is less expense involved and the entertainment is provided by what you’re doing as opposed to what you’re buying, which is a richer dating experience in general anyway.

Spending some amount of money on her is the modern version of showing your value to a female. In simpler times you would convey your value as a mate by catching some food and bringing it home for her. It telegraphs that you have the food-gathering capabilities necessary to support her and any children you would have with her. Modern material goods can subconsciously convey the same message, but you only have to do it once. If you do it too much, it will become expensive for you and will make her think you are trying to buy her affection with a substitute for the other qualities required in a mate.

Picking her up

At some stage in the courtship, an American women will expect you to pick her up in your car. This may not apply if you live in a high density city where people get around predominantly on foot using mass transit and car ownership is low, but even in that case it may be beneficial to pick her up in a cab at least once in order to give her the same psychological reassurance that you have the resources to ferry her around.

Her need for this is derived from a need to know that a potential mate is mobile and would be capable of moving her and the children around when the need arises.

Practice
Dating America Women can be a lot of fun once you have mastered it.
Practice will make it easier, but you should not expect better results overnight.

Relationship Help for MenThis article is written by a man who has been through Frustrating Online Dating Experiences (FODEs), but has since learned how to overcome the problems.

Characteristics of a FODE include most of the following:

• Long hours spent browsing profiles
• Long hours spent composing well thought-out emails
• A response rate of 50% or lower
• Flaky dates and last-minute cancellations
• Failure to improve results even when lowering the standard of target women
• Overall frustration with dating and resentment towards women

Frustration arises from two sources. One is a sensation of wasted time. You may spend a disproportionate amount of time on the computer trying to set your dates up compared to the amount of time you actually spend on the dates themselves and meeting people.

The second source of frustration is unreliable dates that either postpone repeatedly, cancel at the last minute, or in the worst case scenario, stand you up completely.

These problems can be magnified if Online Dating (ODing) is your only channel of meeting women, and especially if it is the only form of social contact that you are using. In that situation, having a FODE can make you feel like your entire social life is not going well, causing significant emotional damage.

These problems can be overcome.

First and foremost, ODing should be used as a supplement to and not a substitute for more ‘natural’ means of meeting people, such as in bars, in the grocery store, at the mall, in sports clubs, and so on. It should certainly not act as a substitute for friendship; if ODs are the only social contact you have outside of work, you need to work on your social circle and get some friends into your life. Fixing this will give you other social outlets so that even if you are having a bit of a FODE, it only affects a relatively small proportion of your social life and limits any emotional damage to an insignificant level.

Dealing with a low response rate requires some understanding of the social dynamics of attraction and the effects of ODing.

As a survival instinct, men have an in-built anxiety about approaching attractive women that they haven’t met before, since in a primitive society approaching a girl from a different tribe could end up getting you killed if you approach one who is taken. Our society has moved on so that we now have rules that stop potential rivals from killing us, but the emotional wiring in our brains might take another million years to catch up, and in the meantime we still have this anxiety. ODing makes it easier to contact people who are looking for the things that you have to offer since it removes approach anxiety. A side effect is that it makes it too easy. Girls, particularly attractive ones, are therefore bombarded by emails from men to the point where they simply cannot answer all that they receive. It’s nothing personal, it’s just a simple logistical reality.

Why aren’t men bombarded with emails to the same extent? Is it because the man is supposed to pursue and the woman is supposed to select out of some social custom about chivalry? Not at all. It is because of the differences in the way men and women are attracted to each other.

Men are initially attracted to women based on survival and replication characteristics. The ability to bear children who are likely to be attractive enough to carry on your genes is neatly conveyed in a few straightforward physical attributes such as breast size, hip-to-weight ratio, overall shape, youthfulness, and general attractiveness. These are attributes that are easy to convey in a photo. The stimulus of a photo is enough to get men on the ODing circuit sending emails.

Women are attracted to men not based on how they look (although that is a factor) but on how they act. Are you good with your hands so that you can build and maintain a nest for the children? Are you reliable enough that you will be around to look after the children? Are you self-sufficient enough that you can provide food and shelter for her and the children? Are you sociable enough that you can summon help from a large group of friends when the going gets tough? Are you the leader of a group and hence more likely to provide a good life for the children? These are attributes that cannot easily be summed up in a photograph, they generally have to be conveyed by other means, and ODing is not an ideal means of doing so.

Furthermore, sex has potentially bigger consequences for women that it has for men, so they have to be very careful about who they select. This is why men seem to be trying to have sex and women seem to be trying to avoid it.

So ODing can be frustrating for both sexes. Men get frustrated from spending so much time and effort sending emails that fail to convey their value as a partner, and women get frustrated from having to spend so much time sifting through a mountain of emails in search of one that conveys value.

If you’re a good writer, you can communicate a certain amount of your value in your written profile. However, it is only through interaction and conversation that you can truly build comfort and attraction on the woman’s part. The job of your online profile is to pique enough of her interest that she will want to meet you and find out more. A photograph of you in the company of other friends at a social event, particularly attractive female friends having a good time and laughing at what you say, will be a lot more effective than one of you sitting alone at your desk posing for your webcam. Text that is funny, witty, relaxed, and probably doesn’t even mention what you’re looking for will be a lot more effective than a desperate and lonely plea for a partner that you badly need. A relationship is made of two whole people, not two half people, so you need to look like you have your act together, are a happy person, have other people (particularly females) in your life, and can function confidently and happily without a girlfriend, but are open to the possibility of one.

The main joy of socializing is finding out what makes someone tick. If you tell all there is to know about you in your profile, you leave nothing left to find out about you once you meet. Don’t give the whole game away before you’ve even met.

Invite the female reader to take up the challenge of meeting you if she thinks she has what it takes. Your value should be high enough that you can talk in terms of her having to convince you that you should meet, rather than vice versa.

Once you get as far as meeting, a common source of FODEs is a high quantity of low quality dates. The standard complaint is about ten dates in one week that in hindsight all seemed the same, it was difficult to recall which person was which, and they all seemed like job interviews in which both parties simply swapped resumes. A question-and-answer session in which each person asks and answers the standard questions of where they live, what they do and where they’re from is going to produce few memorable experiences for either party no matter how much you have in common.

The afternoon coffee date is perhaps the worst cliché of all. Meeting in a coffee shop to verbally swap resumes over coffee before she leaves to fulfill her evening plans is a sure fire way to have an unsuccessful date. A more interesting date will involve the following characteristics:

• You in charge. If you canvas her opinion on where you should meet, what you should do, and where you want to go next, she will lose respect for you. Be a man and lead – she will respect you more. If she says that she can’t go where you say for whatever reason, then don’t force the issue, but you should at least put it out there that you’re calling the shots initially and are starting the discussion about what you two are doing.
• At least one fun activity in which the other person can participate, since it helps her to relax rather than having to work to keep a conversation going out of thin air. An activity can be a stimulus for further conversation, and may give you a chance to demonstrate your value depending on the activity.
• Multiple locations. Move the girl to another location in the venue for a change of scene, and if you can, bounce to another venue where a slightly different scene may be on offer. It gives her more memories of you and makes time go faster.
• Social proof. Go somewhere where someone knows your name, perhaps having the initial meeting in your own local bar where she can come in and see other people (preferably other females) speaking to you. This telegraphs to her that you are a socially active person with a network of friends that you can count on, and not some loser who hides in his home. For the privacy necessary to carry on the date, you can then bounce to another location.
• As late a time in the evening as possible. This will discourage her from making backup plans with her friends whom she can say are waiting to meet her afterwards.
• Some touching. If a girl telegraphs interest in you, it is okay to do a little bit of touching, such as a gentle nudge on the elbow, a touch here and there on the arm, and so on. Do not just put your hand there and leave it though, touch and then withdraw so that she gets comfortable with it. As comfort builds, you’ll be able to touch a little more and she will reciprocate. If you put her hand on your knee, remove your hand, and hers stays there, it’s a good sign.
• Cocky teasing talk. On first meeting, your job is to throw in little teasing, funny, backhanded compliments with some cold water poured on them so that the girl will laugh, but will subconsciously reassure her that you’re not hitting on her by fawning all over her. Never compliment a girl unless she has earned it, especially an attractive one. Telling a hot girl that she is hot is to sound desperate and to sound like every other guy that she has brushed off. You can only do this after she has said something nice to you and given other indicators of interest, such as touching her hair, fixing her gaze on you, laughing at your every joke, and so on. If she does compliment you, accept it and thank her.
• Stories that convey your value. Have stories lined up about how your friends are loyal to you, how you are successful in your career, and how you are a deep thinker, but by way of anecdotes rather than outright bragging. Tell a story where the main focus is not how great you are, the value-added stuff should be conveyed in little throwaway remarks.
• Sincerity. Don’t lie and make things up about yourself, unless it’s part of some comedy routine where you convince her that you’re a Concorde pilot only to let her down to earth with your real job.
• A firm arrangement to meet again at an event that you already plan to go to, as opposed to an obscure question of whether or not she wants to hang out again ‘sometime,’ whenever that is. If you have built enough comfort and attraction with her, she will be inclined to see you again if you put an image in her head of a meeting at a specific time and location. If you leave it too open, it could remain open for evermore.

On the issue of looks, genetic looks in a man are not as important as you may think. This is evidenced by the number of incredibly attractive women who you may have noticed hanging out with guys who you probably don’t consider to be all that attractive. What is more important is that you’re in reasonable shape, well groomed, and well dressed. These are all things over which you have considerable control.

In all, you need to be an already well-rounded person before you can get the most out of ODing. You should be confident in groups, have a network of friends, be a leader, be assertive, not be needy, and above all you should be using ODing as one of many weapons in your arsenal. Getting frustrated and blaming all women for a FODE is not going to help you to meet a partner, and it is certainly not going to make you look attractive if you let women see that you are having a FODE, for that is lowering your value in their estimation by branding yourself a loser.

Lowering the standard of women you try to meet is unlikely to help you, and will only sell yourself short. You do not have to settle for less, you can keep your standards high if you work to raise your own value and to improve your ability to communicate your value. Remember the hot girl you saw who looked like the most beautiful woman in the world? Someone has to settle down with her and have children with her. Why shouldn’t it be you?

You may need to compile a self-improvement to-do list and work your way through it before you notice any difference in your results. That requires initiative, determination, a willingness to learn, and the ability to take personal responsibility for your own wellbeing.

In all of this, think of the men who are hooking up with attractive women and remember this one important mantra: What one man can do, another can do.

Recommended reading:
The Game, Penetrating the secret society of pickup artists, by Neil Strauss
The Mystery Method, How to get beautiful women into bed, by Mystery