Dear …….

Thankyou for your very kind email…and planing.
Most of all I appreciate  the time you have spent  , the ideas you have shared , your willingness to spend  time with me this weekend and take me in  to your home. Time is our most valuable commodity.
Although arguably not a poor man  money is  a limited resource so without being cheap I always conserve with the expectation that by doing such  one will always be functionally wealthy. With that said I look forward  to seeing you on friday  and if for any reason  either of us feels more comfortable…. any second thoughts no matter how trivial  a hotel will be within the 2009 budget. In terms of jeoporady I feel that we have established a connection which is  the root of a long term special friendship. . I do not  know what this friendship will entail, or the time course it will evolve.  We may be  destined to  be casual sculpture discussing acquaintances  or perhaps in spite of geographic challenges we will want it all ….  This  we won’t jeopardize.  Sorry to be reporting to Ca slightly out of commission…I prize vitality …
Looking forward to friday. hope to speak with you later  today .
My Best,
……….

BTW; Please no special shoping in advance. I will look forward to seeing the stores with  and ? the harbor?

OK.  Hi There.  Rough email.  The last thing I have wanted to do is hurt your soul.  This is best.  You are an amazing, amazing, sexy, smart, funny, beautiful, intoxicating woman.  I am in awe of you.  I am not worthy of your attention as a guy who needs to figure out his own issues.

I am not trying to be trite.  I am trying to be your friend.  I don’t want to be your asshole friend from a distance.  I have had no choice from my own emotions but to think about this for the last several weeks and see if there’s some way to be your platonic friend for now.  I still don’t know if there is.  I think about you all the time.  I lie awake at night thinking about you.  I am a strong-willed man and I know that the sight of you, the smell of you, the sound of your voice is enough to prompt me to actions with you that start things that I can’t finish.

I am sorry that it’s the holidays and I’m not being a good visible friend.

Please don’t be sad.  Be pissed if you want to.  I’d rather you weren’t.

I hope you’re having a decent christmas.  Too much family intrusion for me. I’ll tell you about it one of these days.  I know that I am indebted to you for quality time, passion, and explanation.  I will find a way to make it up to you one day soon, ok.  Take care.

Who hasn’t dated someone who has  been caught cheating? Before you think it only happens to you read this.

Cheating Facts

What the Therapists Say  about Cheating– Two Different Opinions

Approximately 40% of men seek sexual satisfaction outside their relationships, estimates Kat Hertlein, Ph.D., professor of human development at the University of Nevada – Las Vegas and a marriage and family therapist.

About 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in some marriage “Monogamy Myth”, Therapist Peggy Vaugn

What Government Studies Says About Cheating

That number hasn’t changed much since 1950, when the famous Kinsey sex study found that 50% of U.S. men cheat at some point in their marriages.

Who Admits to Cheating – Men Versus Women

According to Men’s Health Best Life 2003 study on 5% of men admit they are cheating. Which leaves 35% denying it.

According to Men’s Health Best Life 2003 study 4.55% of women admit cheating a year later another study done by Oprah Magazine concluded 15% of women cheat.

The Wedding Ring

1 in 3 men take off their wedding rings when out alone without their wives – Study Divorce Peers

Rise in Cheating Women – They Are Catching Up to Men Standards

As women become more financially independent, women are starting to act more like men with respect to infidelity

I Will Never Get Caught Cheating– Think Again.

If you are male don’t think you will get caught because 80% of you will according to Divorce Peers Study.

Why Did You Do It?  Weren’t You Rationally Thinking?

The initial decision to be unfaithful is rarely ever a rational choice; instead infidelity is usually driven by circumstances and one’s emotions. In fact, most people are surprised by their own behavior at the start of an affair 

Does Age Matter When it Comes to Cheating?

Younger people are more likely candidates; in fact, younger women are as likely as younger men to be unfaithful. According to Wallstreet Journal Study Infidelity is becoming more common among people under 30. Many experts believe this increase in cheating is due to greater opportunity (time spent away from a spouse) and young people developing the habit of having multiple sexual partners before they get married

Can a Marriage Be Saved After One Cheats?

The good thing 64% of couples preserves their marriage after an affair. However 78% of couples who remain married despite the affair later describe the marriage as unhappy and empty – Study Divorce Peers

Lower Then You Think

17 percent of divorces in the United States are caused by infidelity.

Don’t Feel Like a Fool You Are Not Alone When it Comes to Cheating

70 percent of married women and 54 percent of married men did not know of their spouses’ extramarital activity. There are no definitive “signs of cheating.” But, in hindsight you will always find them.

 

Who Is Your Daddy?

Research consistently shows that 2 to 3% of all children are the product of infidelity. And most of these children are unknowingly raised by men who are not their biological fathers. DNA testing is finally making it easy for people to check the paternity of their children

Cheating Political Leaders

50 percent of Americans say President Clinton’s adultery makes his moral standard “about the same as the average married man,” according to a Time-CNN poll.

Ironically With All the Stats Above
90% of Americans believe adultery is morally wrong

This article is dedicated to the man who cheated on me while I was at my grandmothers funeral. At the end his cheating was a blessing.

U.S. Weekly TV News Magazine Dateline NBC To Air Human Interest Story About The Hardships of Human Courtship

Dateline investigative reporter Sara James [bio] has spent the greater part of the last two years tracking down various different aspects of the modern-day male and female courting ritual.  With the advent of the internet and the rise of other modern technology, the world has never seen a more confusing and rapidly-changing courtship process.

Join us as Sara takes you across 4 continents spanning from New York City, Tokyo, London  and Buenos Aires for a closer look at how different cultures and other influences like religion and social dynamics dictate the courtship rituals of today.

Sara will also dive into some more murky facets of modern courtship like online dating, the rise of the date-rape drug Flunitrazepam (commonly referred to as “roofies”) and the statistical connection between the popularity of technology-assisted courtship and the rise of date-rape incidents.

Finally, she will take a look at the underground community of the “pick-up artist”.  Following on the heels of the New York Times Bestselling book exposing the secret community in 2005, to a VH1 reality TV show in 2007, to the modern evolution of dating coaches in “Hitch” style that can even give statistical proof that their methods work to attract women, Sara gives an engaging summary and ties in what anomalies like these mean to the status quo for dating.

The question posed by this segment is whether or not the advent of modern courtship tactics and technologies like online dating (a multi-billion dollar industry) have done more to unite us or more to divide us?

Dateline NBC, or Dateline, is a U.S. weekly television news magazine broadcasted by NBC.  Check out http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032600/ for more information.

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
• Romance 9.5 and
• Personal Attention 6.5,
and then installed undesirable programs such as

• NBA 5.0,
• NFL 3.0 and
• Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

• Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.
 

DEAR DESPERATE

First, keep in mind,
• Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
• Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html, try to download Tears 6.2, and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
• If those applications work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2..5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.
• Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
• Cooking 3.0 and
• Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!

Tech Support

The current day and age, navigating the confusing and often contradictory world of dating rituals can be an intimidating and frustrating experience.

“Never call a man”, “Don’t ask a woman out, get her to ask you”, “Play hard to get”, “Tease her with small insults”, “Cook him a big meal”, “Don’t be too nice to her” and infamous “3 date” or “Two month” or “Six month” rules that schedule events as simple as “when to kiss”, “when to take a vacation together”, “when to propose”, etc. have ruined the spontanaeity and fun of dating. “Do this, don’t do that”. Whatever happened to the REAL purpose of dating: to get to know another individual, to let time take its course and fall in love (for how can someone not fall in love with anyone they enjoy spending time with and learn to appreciate?), and finally enjoying the feeling of being in love and being loved? Unfortunately, American dating rituals and modern customs have made this last, but seminal point of the whole ordeal: to meet and get to know someone you will want to love, almost moot.

Many advice columns and books tell you that if you follow certain rules or tactics, you can make yourself attractive to the opposite sex almost independent of who you are. While I believe it is true that looks is not a very important consideration when you’re looking for the love of your life (he or she may not come in the package you expected), what most advice columns and “dating method” tricks ignore is that you cannot magically make yourself attractive to another and build a healthy relationship with someone if

a) you are an uninteresting person on your own,

b) your life is not together, or

c) the other person’s personality clashes with yours.

In the case where you and your date’s personality clash, well, there’s nothing either one of you can do about it, so it is good to keep in mind when the dating process eventually arrives to its inevitable conclusion. But in this case you’ve both gained something out of the experience: you’ve met and gotten to know someone, and you’ve learned about yourself. If you handle things properly and the personalities are not insidiously incompatible you may have even won a friend. It is just a part of dating.

But in the case of items a) and b), you should ask yourself if this is the REAL reason you are unsuccessful at dating. Perhaps it has nothing to do with whether you called her on a Monday or a Tuesday. Perhaps it is not whether you cooked him fish instead of chicken for dinner on the 3rd date instead of the 5th date. But if you think about it, all your actions–when/if you call, whether you buy her flowers or a card, whether you pick her up or she meets you somewhere, whether you treat her with respect or tease her with insults, whether you kiss him, sleep with him, or just hug him,what you do and where you go during your dates, etc, ALL OF THIS, is a reflection of both of those items.

Is your life not together? Are you unemployed and can’t invite your date out to an activity that you will both enjoy? Do you have other commitments at home that require you to limit the time you have available for dates or cancel them while they are going on? Do you feel unhappy about where your life is going at this point in time? Are you in the process of moving away to some other location? Are you new in town? All of these circumstances and situations will affect how you date, and your personal situation will sooner or later become evident to the person you’re dating. If you’ve been smart enough to choose someone worthwhile to date, who has the same goals in dating as yourself (we’re assuming the only real purpose of dating is what we stated at the beginning: to meet and find someone to love), then when you don’t have your life in order they will immediately realize that investing in a long term relationship with you is probably a risky prospect. Many people might decide not to get further involved with you if this is the case.

Are you an uninteresting person? Are you negative, sarcastic, or a general buzz kill? Do you have angry outbursts? Are you selfish? (selfishness is the biggest turnoff for women, while neediness seems to be the biggest turnoff for men). Or perhaps you don’t have any serious personality flaws but your life revolves around work and TV (or work and videogames, which seems to be the Bay Area equivalent!). Do you have fun hobbies that someone else (i.e. your date) might like to learn about or share? Do you have an exciting social life that your date might want to participate in? Are you happy? It goes without saying that throughout the dating process both sexes evaluate what the other person brings to the relationship. If you are unable to contribute in an amount equal to what your date brings, chances are the relationship won’t go very far.

“Well, alright, these are all good points, but how does that help me when dating?” you might ask. Well, the biggest secret to dating is –that there is just one secret. And this one secret is this: Are you happy? It is this question that encompasses all of those items a, b, and c. above. If you are a genuinely, unhesistatingly, and enthusiastically happy, you’ll be an irresistible date. Everybody likes to be around positive, high-energy people who are confident and content with where their life is at the moment. Rules will suddenly not matter, because if you’re happy you’ll have the confidence to break or follow conventions and rituals according to what feels right for the situation. If you are happy, too, you will know when to let go of dates or situations that are draining, unhealthy, or are not leading you to where you want to go.

O.K., I forgot. There IS another little secret. And it is this: date only happy people. Yes, they are rare (because many people say that they are happy when everything in their life reflects that they aren’t), but when you find one, and you are happy too, I guarantee you that your dating experience will be all that it was always meant to be: wonderful.

by TechieGirl

Romance can fade and love stories can turn into nightmares. This is the reality of life. But many people still find it hard to amicably break up with someone. If you’re currently not satisfied with the relationship you’re in and you’re thinking of ending it soon, here are a few for establishing the best way to break up with someone.

The best way to break up is usually through an in-person heart-to-heart talk. Whether you do this in public or in private is up to you.

Remember, you need to be firm with your decision to break up and stick with it. Don’t let it drag on for days and weeks as this could cause more friction between you two. If you’re a hundred percent decided on ending relationship, then let the person know.

Be honest with your reasons on why you think you’re both better off apart. You have to remember that no matter how long the duration of the relationship was, you still shared a special feeling with that person. And the least that person could hope for is the real reason why you’re breaking up.

Finally, be optimistic for the both of you. You should accept that the relationship has ended but know that you will still find love in other people. By knowing this, you both will be able to move on with no excess baggage and bitterness.

Now that you know these tips on ending relationship, you can become a better person and end the relationship in a good fashion. It will definitely save you all the drama in the long run.

Do you really want to know the best way to break up with someone? ?

In my work, I often perceive in my clients a sensitivity that seems to come naturally to those involved in the more spiritual way of living. Most of the people I serve, even if they are unaware of it, have some level of empathic, intuitive or channeling abilities that work in their lives. I find that those who seek spiritual/psychic guidance tend to have a latent spiritual/psychic side to themselves that is craving to come out… like attracts like!

In serving these sensitive, spiritually evolving people, I come across one very common negative trait that I’d like to discuss today. Mis-identification of issues. I know that sounds nearly like medical terminology- but don’t worry- it’s not that bad!

Mis-identification of issues is the process of taking ownership of issues, addictions, behaviors, etc. that are NOT yours. The most common example of this happens in romantic relationships.

Let’s create an example (completely made-up, any similarity to actual events is a ‘coincidence’) to use throughout this article to help make it more clear…

Jane has been dating Joe for a few months now. Joe tends to take ten steps forward in the relationship- then either completely clam up for a while or take 15 steps back. Now, Jane is starting to feel like she’s doing something terribly wrong. She has a hard time injecting positive energy into the relationship because she never quite knows whether Joe is coming or going and what she might be doing to make him run. This is a classic example of ‘Not Yours’ in action! In the beginning, Jane was completely present with the relationship. The behavior Joe expresses sort of came out of nowhere- and has now turned into a cyclical, nearly addictive pattern.

Joe obviously has some deep-seated issue here with commitment and self-worth, but it’s Jane I am worried about. She is taking responsibility for actions, behaviors, beliefs and attitudes which do not belong to her. She basically just took a few pounds off Joe and stuffed them in her backpack.

As humans, we want to care for others and lessen their burden. Empathic folks have this really hard until they learn how to shield and identify properly. We have also been trained in many regards that if something in our life goes wrong- it’s time for the blame game. Neither of these beliefs is good or progressive on our spiritual journey. It’s important for us to be able to identify- anytime a negative emotion comes up- where it comes from. Is this our internal feeling of guilt, lack, etc.- or are we simply kicking ourselves in the butt over something we have no ownership of? Jane is suffering, piling on the guilt and really starting to destroy her self-value because she thinks Joe’s behavior is her problem. The truth is- her breaking-down process due to this toxic energy is probably making things worse. If we could just clean her emotions up, get her clear and focus on the positive, she would 99% likely see Joe change his ways. See how one person doing some deep healing will effect those they are close to an illicit their healing as well… big secret revealed!

Taking accountability for what IS ours and what is NOT ours not only helps clear the energy flow between people- it also helps us get closer to what’s going on in our heart and what we have to work with. True compassion does not come from taking on others issues- that’s called robbery. Compassion comes forth when we walk alongside those in need- giving them love, energy, support and guidance. If we walk the path for them, they might as well not be living at all. Most of us can agree that some of our biggest hurts and losses led to our biggest personal growth- do you really want to take that away from someone? These are lessons we cannot learn from books- we have to experience the reality of them, hopefully while being surrounded with love and guidance from others, in order to really ‘get it’.

Taking the initiative to explore emotions, define what’s yours, take accountability for it and work through it is a medicine unparalleled in this world. It allows us to stop blaming others for our issues, to stop taking on other peoples life journey, and to live clear and open to the next step. Here’s a break-down of exploring, identifying and letting go…

•Negative emotion arises (fear, guilt, decline in self-value, anger, etc.) that involves another person
•Stop. Breathe. Feel the entirely of the emotion for a few moments
•Talk to the emotion, dialogue with it from inside. See where it comes from, what triggered it, when it came up, etc. Be an emotion detective and try to resolve the root of the toxicity
•Identify with COMPLETE HONESTY to yourself whether this is or is not your issue
•If is IS your issue- now you know, and knowing is half the battle. Begin working on it through honest internal dialogue, meditation, prayer, energy work, self-help books, counseling, etc. Do what you need to do to work through it and overcome while still embracing the lessons it has to offer you
•If it is NOT you emotion- replace it with love for the person who owns it, this changes the vibration immediately. Communicate with the person that you are feeling ____ and would like to be with them in any way you can to help them clear it up. You have to release consciously WITH LOVE, or the cords that attach you to that weight just stick around
•Continue to have open, honest and compassionate dialogue with yourself (first and foremost) and with any others involved. Remember- as they heal, you heal. As yo heal, they heal. Invest as much energy as needed into the situation because in the end it is your medicine.
We are all connected, and ideally want for others what we want for ourselves. Tapping into the flow of unconditional love and true compassion allows us to help others for real, instead of just taking their burdens for a while and not helping either of us get bigger. The healing journey is about loving kindness, compassion and manifesting perfection- with the right paradigm we can all tap that, together, one relationship at a time!

If you have any questions about toady’s article- please feel free to contact me via email. I look forward to serving you and your unique life journey through the spiritual arts and unconditional Divine love! Peace & Blessings,

Josh Williams is a professional Psychic Adviser, Life Coach, Spiritual Teacher and Energy Healing Channel. For over 10 years he has been serving clients from all across the globe, acting as psychic client advocate, teaching meditation, ritual, manifesting and spirituality techniques and just loving life! Josh has recently started offering a wisdom blog which is updated 5 times a week presenting practical but powerful spiritual wisdom for the modern day. You can view Josh’s blog by clicking HERE

Jealousy

Jealousy can last much longer than a basic emotion like anger, without losing its original intensity, and it may even outlast the attachment which it fears losing: “jealousy is always born with love; it does not always die with it”.

Jealousy is about fear–fear of the unknown and of change, fear of losing power or control in a relationship, fear of loss, and fear of abandonment. While is it normal to feel mildly jealous on occasion, if jealousy is a frequent emotion or something which is irrational, this may reflect the carryover of past real or imagined traumas and betrayals. In my own case, when I experience jealous emotions it is indeed a carryover. I recognize it within myself and I try as best I can to fight it. I keep telling myself, it is not going to keep me from getting hurt.

But why do we get jealous?

Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. That’s what you feel when you get jealous of others, of your partner talking to or dancing with another person : I do not have as much value as the other person aka he/she will leave me. The purpose of jealousy is to avoid being hurt or to lessen hurt that has already happened but sometimes jealousy makes people do crazy things – like VERY crazy things. Their jealousness most often leads to the very thing they fear. Being left and feeling they have no value. They are thus confirmed in their fears.

Coping.

One great way to learn how to deal with jealousy is for people to recognize when they are jumping to conclusions or making assumptions that they are not sure of. One of the most important techniques for coping with jealousy is acceptance. By accepting that jealousy is not going to save you from being hurt, you can often learn to build trust and keep the lines of communication open.

Result of jealous behavior.

Jealousy is the surest way to drive away the very person we may fear losing. It’s a poor medium to secure love, but it is a secure medium to destroy one’s self-respect.

“Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame.”

Gitte Gorzelak is a true crime nerd and fanatic blogger. She lives in West Jutland, Denmark and is the mother of a son.

How do I deal with demanding people or cope with their controlling habits?

First, Stop Labelling Them!

When you focus on what people “are” (demanding, controlling, manipulative) rather than what’s missing for you in your interactions with them you are giving away all your power.

By libelling your loved ones in any way, you place the full responsibility for improving matters upon them. If you believe that you are unhappy because they “are” selfish or unreasonable, you also believe that your problems cannot be resolved until they change their ways. This blame game prevents you from overcoming your hurt feelings and can lead to serious relationship disturbances.

Second, Take Back Responsibility For Your Own Happiness!

The first step to reclaiming control of your own happiness is to disconnect from the idea that other people are causing your emotional pain. Accepting the fact that it’s your own thought processes which are causing you to feel bad is the only way to move forward.

Once you do, you can then start to focus on what you “do want” in each situation. Ask yourself what is needed to create an outcome which is satisfying to everyone involved. When you know what you want you can begin looking at these situations as an opportunity to explore ways of meeting everyone’s needs and re-establishing or creating a healthy relationship.

Finally, Focus Your Attention on What You Want to Grow!

The first place to start in any challenging situation or when dealing with a relationship problem is by looking inside and acknowledging what part you are playing. Focusing on the actions of others prevents you from being able to notice productive solutions for your problems.

Here are a couple of re-focusing intervention techniques which can help you to stop labelling and establish what you “do want” in these situations:

Listen for times when you hear yourself saying things such as “I don’t want”, “I don’t like”, “I wish you wouldn’t” and “Would you stop”. As soon as possible, stop and write down what you “do want” or “would like” at these times.

Each time you notice yourself labelling another person, stop as soon as you can and ask yourself, “Do I want my label of them to guide my actions or do I want to create an outcome which is satisfying to everyone involved?” Notice if you feel any shift in what you want to do next.

By learning to create this quality of focus attention you’ll become more able to accept others as they are. When you accept your friends and family with all their strengths and weaknesses, you will all be more open to creating outcomes that everyone will enjoy.

Once you have this focused attention you can start practicing the following three step processing approach which will not only improve your own happiness but help to create truly magical relationships.

Three Steps For Creating Magical Relationships:

Step 1: Stop Playing the Blame Game!

Set aside any blame, judgment or anger that you feel towards your loved ones for the ways they have behaved in the past. Since you can’t STOP doing anything–you can only START doing something else–the easiest way to stop playing the blame game is by following the next steps number two and three.

Step 2: What Do You Value?

Discover what you value most deeply when interacting with other people. On our website we offer a free values exercise. We encourage you to download this exercise and use it to identify qualities that would bring you more joy into each of your less than satisfying relationships.

As an example, let’s say you notice you’re labelling your partner as “demanding” or your friend as “manipulative.” While doing the values exercise you may find that what you strongly value is cooperation.

If you experienced more cooperation in your relationship it would certainly bring more joy. Take responsibility for having more cooperation in your life by figuring out a specific way in which your loved one could have got what they wanted, while at the same time satisfying your own desire for cooperation.

Step 3: What do They Want?

Ask them for what you want. Ask if, in the future, they would be willing to try using the specific ideas you came up with which supported your need for cooperation.

By shifting your focus from what other people “are” to “what you want” in the situation, you can start the process of regaining the power to control your own happiness.

When you truly learn that your happiness does not depend on others, you free yourself from the resentment you feel towards others. Only then can you start finding ways to experience what you value, to discover what brings you more joy and, ultimately, to save your relationship.

Each of these three steps is designed to help you rid yourself of resentment so you can find happiness in your relationships again.

Please relax about this practice. Remember that we’ve all learned how to play the blame game early in our life, and it won’t disappear in a day.

But if you commit to this practice, we guarantee you’ll be much more likely to feel better, have more fun, and create the kind of success in your relationships that you truly want.

Are you ready to change your focus and play a new game? Sign up for our thought-provoking and motivational Weekly Action Tips eMail series at: . Each tip offers unique self-help skills and personal growth techniques to help you in focusing on the things that are most important to you. Or visit us at: http://www.NewAgeSelfHelp.com