Where did men get the memo that pouting will help their sexless marriage?  By surveying women, ninety-five percent see the same situations in their marriage that will push and shut them down from intimacy. It is like some men were born with a gene that doesn’t realize how their actions can effect how distant their spouse gets. Women across countries, states and cities complain about the same behaviors that shut down their intimate desires and leave them feeling nonsexual.

If anything, I hope this article is a memo to teach men that if they take that time that they haven’t had sex with their spouse and can triple it every time they do any of the following:

Pouty Husband + Turned-off Wife = Sexless Marriage

Walking in a huff, storming out of a room, or pointing out everything your spouse does wrong will shut your woman off from feeling that loving feeling. It is such a bold statement which cuts a deep wound and women have a hard time reconnecting from such an action against them.

Husbands asking the question “Will we ever have sex again?”

When a man asks such a question, a women is thinking “um, just for asking that…NOPE…not now for sure!” If I was beginning to feel intimate, I don’t think the feeling would stay too long because, whether you you realized it or not, you turned me off by asking this and I don’t want you to touch me because you really don’t see me and my feelings, only yours!  This question probably is asked when she might finally feel like she is getting ready to want to be intimate again, because she got over your pouting, storming out or constant demeaning reminders but you just pushed it away with a brick wall by saying “will we ever have sex again?”.

For sex to happen on a regular basis and for it to be passionate and good for the woman, the woman needs to feel safe.  Not just physically safe, but safe with her feelings.  She also needs to know and feel that she isn’t constantly being criticized or that she is disappointing her mate/spouse.  She wants/needs to feel respected, admired, important, loved and as an equal.  Oh we must say that word an equal. Most men, where intimacy is lost in their relationships, often talk down to their mates; therefore causing the woman to loose the feeling of being an equal but more like a dog being constantly punished for not understanding why it just can’t do anything right. If her spouse/mate isn’t showing her they are equal and making her feel equal until or right before bedtime or until he wants sexual intercourse, she will be shut down from him emotionally and physical exhaustion lost how to climb back up the hill to feel tingle wants of intimacy  If this becomes an ongoing pattern, there will be distance between the two harder and harder to bring together.  She will NOT be able to be in a physical relationship with him because there is no emotional relationship.  Women need the emotional relationship for a physical relationship to exist!  I know that men have heard this before!  Why, then, is it so hard for them to figure it out?  The simplest of little things can make a relationship work, but the same lack of things can make it fail.

But men are very good at turning it around and blaming us for the “distance” in our relationship when it simply is something that was rooted way before the intimacy never happened.

Keeping the right women is like nurturing a garden. Like-wise a woman likes to look after your garden, if she has the strength to look after it. But if you don’t water, weed and groom a garden, the garden will have little to give back.

“I’ve already got a female to worry about.
Her name is the Enterprise.” Captain Kirk, Star Trek

Star Trek James T. Kirk, Starship Captain, Starfleet Admiral, Mack Daddy

Wanna get lucky tonight?  The fact that you’re reading this article tells me the answer is “yes.”  Well, read along and learn how that sci-fi classic Star Trek, and specifically the great teacher himself, James Tiberius Kirk, has taught man all he needs to know about hooking up.

Just so we’re clear, I’m talking about real Star Trek, i.e. the 1966-69 series broadcast on NBC, and not that simpering, flatulent imposter known as Star Trek: The Next Generation.  What’s the difference, you ask?  Shut up.  Okay, fine, you want a difference?  Real Trek has clear-cut post-World War II era values (we’re here to spread peace – OUR kind of peace) liberally intermingled with philosophy, satire, and pop psychology.  Plus, the Klingons are stone-cold badasses.  TNG has pandering moral lessons, thuddingly obvious metaphors, and that neutered house pet Worf.  Seriously, what’s Klingon for “Uncle Tom?”  More pertinent to our discussion, real Trek has bouffanted yeomen in bullet bras, and drool-worthy guest hotties like Yvonne Craig and Sherry Jackson in all manner of skimpy outfits. TNG has Whoopi Goldberg dressed as a Franciscan nun.  What about star trek Voyager? I will not dignify that question with an answer.

I wish to further state I have not watched Star Trek since it was broadcast late at night on local New York television back when I was going to NYU in the ‘80s.  And I was usually baked at least half the time.  So if I misremember the occasional detail or quote, I don’t want to be the recipient of a 2,000 word indignant e-mail from any kind of Trekkie or Trekker or any other emotionally-stunted member of the Trek Taliban.  I am not going to recount individual episodes chapter and verse because, plastic-eared arguments to the contrary, that is not a skill to be proud of.

“Brace yourself. The area of penetration will no doubt be sensitive.”

I grew up in the 70s, which meant I was raised on the television of the 60s because those shows were in syndication all day and night.  And so I learned from an early age to pattern myself on the swinging decade’s televised alpha males; Joe Mannix, Napoleon Solo, James West, Thurston Howell**, all the top studs.

And make no mistake, every hour-long drama with a male lead was about one thing:  watching that guy get laid.  Wrongly convicted doctor Richard Kimball (The Fugitive) popped up in a new town every week, ostensibly on the run from the law while searching for the his wife’s real killer.  Yet he always seemed to have plenty of time to bang Suzanne Pleshette or whoever was that episode’s guest babe.  Cat burglar Al Mundy (It Takes a Thief), slick as a greased eel, was sprung from prison to steal for the government which he most enthusiastically did…right after he porked every woman above the age of consent on three continents.  Oh, you never saw the porkage, but the show made it damn clear what would be happening after the end credits.  Robert Wagner would take the girl’s arm, crack a smarmy double-entendre, and wink at the camera.  He may as well have dangled a Trojan Magnum and a handful of roofies.

(BTW, as I rough draft this article at a diner off I-5, there’s a gay Cuban couple in the booth next to me.  They’re alternately arguing in rapid-fire Spanish and taking pictures of everything on their table.  Way to set the ambiance, guys.)

“My people pride themselves on being the greatest, most successful gamblers in the universe. We compete for everything -- power, fame, women -- everything we desire, and it is our nature ... to win.” Star Trek

This brings us to James T. Kirk.  Our sensei.  We are but masterless ronin wandering the bars and dating sites and co-workers’ wedding receptions, looking for the right woman who will do all the wrong things.  Kirk is our master, he who unites us through his wise teachings.  Because in that great televised bachelor pad, Kirk was different.  He got laid in the future. Yet his maxims reverberate to the present because they are applicable to any era, be it 1968, stardate 3045.1, or TONIGHT.

Here then are Star Treks, Captain Kirk’s 10 Ways to get a girl:

1) Dress Well. You ever see Kirk in baggy shorts and geeky tech engineering tradeshow cap?  ‘Course not.  He’s always rockin’ that Federation uniform, shirt tucked in and shoes polished.  Next time you go out, set yourself apart from the horndog rabble by selecting a black sport jacket and slacks.  A black suit is even better.  Why black?  So you can spill stuff on it, dummy, and still look like you posess an aura of cool mystery.  Plus you’ve probably heard black is slimming and it is.  That’s why so many hot chicks wear it.  But don’t be the dork who wears all black.  Unless the name on your birth certificate is Johnny Cash, you’ll look like a pretentious tool.  Make sure you bring out contrast (and get yourself noticed) with a light colored shirt and bright tie.

2)  Bring a Wingman. Two are even better.  It shorthands you have social skills.  Why else do you think Kirk brought Spock and Doctor McCoy with him everywhere?  Savvy as always, Kirk also made sure his wingmen would be no competition in the looks department.  Truth be told, Kirk is a rather unremarkable looking guy, already getting a gut in his mid-30’s.  But then get a look at the heavybrowed train wreck that is Spock, or the crumpled wrapping paper visage of Bones, who looked old enough to be his own grandpa, and you see why Kirk got his pick of the green-skinned litter.

3) Drive a Decent Vehicle. Kirk rolls in the USS Enterprise, sleekest ship in the galaxy.  And make no mistake, the alien poon goddesses love it, especially when they get a look at the captain’s massive…chair.  Don’t let your potential quest see you take the bus, ‘cause it will be game over.  Women want to see the car.  Why?  Because it shorthands both your taste and earning potential.  Full disclosure:  I’m currently unemployed.  All I had to eat today was a peanut butter sandwich.  Yet I’ll give up food altogether before surrendering my Infiniti because that car makes women think I’m still solvent.  I can always tell them the truth over breakfast.  (If I was the sort of unoriginal putz who used emoticons, I’d wink there.)  If you don’t have a car, then again, avoid the bus.  Take a cab when hitting the town in search of ladies.  It will make a difference.  Remember, Kirk had no problems taking the shuttle now and again.

4) Keep a Clean House. Again, this brings us to the Enterprise.  Not only was it a flying babe magnet, but it also served as a plush crib.  (Do kids still say “crib?”  Do kids still call each other “kids?”)  Once an Orion slave girl was in Kirk’s captains quarters, she was all his.  In the blessed event you do bring a woman back home, make sure you’ve already put the Lucky Charms-encrusted dishes in the washing machine, picked last week’s BVD’s off the floor, and for the love of god, made the bed.  And even though we’re all Star Trek fans here, best to put that model of the Romulan drone ship into the closet.  Or trash.

5)  Embrace the Exotic. This one is literal.  Kirk banged every type of female there was regardless of skin color or home planet.  You may think you have a type and doggedly hold out for only that, but all you’re doing is making what could be an already-daunting situation even tougher.  Ever notice on countless TV procedural dramas, the hot girl who gets evicerated is a different type from episode to episode?  That’s ‘cause if they killed a blonde cheerleader every show, you’d get bored.  So they kill off a slinky Asian babe one week, a smokin’ black girl the next, a red hot brunette the following ep…you get the idea.  Just so we (and my lawyer) are clear, I’m not suggesting you emulate a serial killer.  I’m just advising you sample from the buffet, and always be ready to try something – or someone – new.

6)  Have a Quip On Your Lip. From the mind of James T. Kirk:  “Mr. Spock, the women on your planet are logical. That’s the only planet in this galaxy that can make that claim.”  See?  The guy’s a riot.  Well, maybe not so much, but he is dryly witty.  Granted, this is not an exact science because humor is subjective.  You like Adam Sandler?  Chances are you do because someone is going to his movies and it sure as shit ain’t me.  On the other hand, I absolutely love the 1987 flop Ishtar.  Yep, I’m that guy.  Anyway, my point is that you can use the same funny line on five different gals and get five different responses.  Stick with the girl who laughs; the others will be too much damn work.

7) Accessorize (within reason). The phaser and communicator aren’t just nifty gadgets, they complete Kirk’s look.  Each is elegant and functional, but not gaudy.  And more important, Kirk doesn’t fuss about with them when getting his mack on.  Yeah, I’m talking to you, junior, always texting or looking up who starred in Early Edition just to impress some co-worker.  (Anyway, it was Kyle Chandler.)  As a rule, turn your phone off and only check for messages every two hours at most.  And if talking to a honey, ignore texts from your idiot friends.  They’re only going to make you look like a weenie, which is their secret plan all along.

Dare to be a Little Dramatic. Let’s not kid each other.  Kirk could be a bit of a showboat.  Hell, he could be the whole damn Mississippi.  Just look at the flourish he put into whipping that communicator open and saying, “Kirk to Enterpriiise.”  And let’s not get started on that wackadoodle reading of “I’m losing command!” he gives when those creepy children take over the ship.  However, a little, repeat, a little flair will convey you have a sense of awareness and style that sets you apart.  Honestly, no one’s better at this than another James, last name of Bond.  Look at the way that son of a b&%! orders a drink.  Think he goes through all that shaken not stirred crap to amuse himself?  Hell no.  It’s to blow Pussy Galore’s foxy little mind.

9)Flaunt Your Hot Chick Friends. After Spock and Bones, who’s next on the invite list whenever Kirk beams down to a new babe-enriched planet?  That’s right — Lieutenant Uhura.  Kirk knows the presence of a fine female at his side will only make him appear yet more desirable.  This may be a tougher one to pull off, ‘cause you actually have to have a hot chick friend to make this work.  But, oh, it pays dividends.  A good looking woman friend of mine (Miss Skokie, Illinois, ’84) once walked up to a babe I had my eyes on and got the girl’s phone number for me!  Dude, that is a superpower only hot girls can use on each other, so it is well worth the time to invest in a friendship or two with an attractive co-worker or classmate.

10) Make Your Life Sound Important. There were many other starships and captains.  But only Kirk dropped that “five year mission” and “to boldly go where no man has gone before” line because it made him stand out.  Okay, it was his show.  But think of your life as your show.  Do you want that smokin’ blonde to think of you as an assistant credit report analyst…or a financial officer? Do you spend the day data-processing…or are you analyzing risks? Are you stuck having to babysit your sister’s kids…or do you work with children? (Women FREAKING love that, btw.)  You’re not lying.  Well, not so much.  You’re just puffing yourself up a bit to impress the girl, but that’s okay.  I guaran-damn-tee you she’s doing the same.

“Mr. Chekov, I know you and Miss Landon find each other fascinating, but we’re not here to conduct a field experiment in human biology.” Star Trek

Now it’s time to put these lessons to the test.  I said at the beginning you can make these ten tips work for you tonight, and I still mean TONIGHT.  You don’t have to use them all.  No slick car or hot female friend?  No biggie. But you CAN put on a jacket and tie (mandatory) and you CAN establish your own sense of style and presence to set yourself apart.  Kirk nails every woman in the universe with the above truisms, but they spring from his own personality.  In short, Kirk is being true to himself.  And you can do the same.

“Worlds may change, galaxies disintegrate, but a woman always remains a woman.”
**  C’mon, he wore an ascot!

This article is dedicated to our hero,
the babe magnet
Captain Kirk, Star Trek

Who hasn’t dated someone who has  been caught cheating? Before you think it only happens to you read this.

Cheating Facts

What the Therapists Say  about Cheating– Two Different Opinions

Approximately 40% of men seek sexual satisfaction outside their relationships, estimates Kat Hertlein, Ph.D., professor of human development at the University of Nevada – Las Vegas and a marriage and family therapist.

About 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in some marriage “Monogamy Myth”, Therapist Peggy Vaugn

What Government Studies Says About Cheating

That number hasn’t changed much since 1950, when the famous Kinsey sex study found that 50% of U.S. men cheat at some point in their marriages.

Who Admits to Cheating – Men Versus Women

According to Men’s Health Best Life 2003 study on 5% of men admit they are cheating. Which leaves 35% denying it.

According to Men’s Health Best Life 2003 study 4.55% of women admit cheating a year later another study done by Oprah Magazine concluded 15% of women cheat.

The Wedding Ring

1 in 3 men take off their wedding rings when out alone without their wives – Study Divorce Peers

Rise in Cheating Women – They Are Catching Up to Men Standards

As women become more financially independent, women are starting to act more like men with respect to infidelity

I Will Never Get Caught Cheating– Think Again.

If you are male don’t think you will get caught because 80% of you will according to Divorce Peers Study.

Why Did You Do It?  Weren’t You Rationally Thinking?

The initial decision to be unfaithful is rarely ever a rational choice; instead infidelity is usually driven by circumstances and one’s emotions. In fact, most people are surprised by their own behavior at the start of an affair 

Does Age Matter When it Comes to Cheating?

Younger people are more likely candidates; in fact, younger women are as likely as younger men to be unfaithful. According to Wallstreet Journal Study Infidelity is becoming more common among people under 30. Many experts believe this increase in cheating is due to greater opportunity (time spent away from a spouse) and young people developing the habit of having multiple sexual partners before they get married

Can a Marriage Be Saved After One Cheats?

The good thing 64% of couples preserves their marriage after an affair. However 78% of couples who remain married despite the affair later describe the marriage as unhappy and empty – Study Divorce Peers

Lower Then You Think

17 percent of divorces in the United States are caused by infidelity.

Don’t Feel Like a Fool You Are Not Alone When it Comes to Cheating

70 percent of married women and 54 percent of married men did not know of their spouses’ extramarital activity. There are no definitive “signs of cheating.” But, in hindsight you will always find them.

 

Who Is Your Daddy?

Research consistently shows that 2 to 3% of all children are the product of infidelity. And most of these children are unknowingly raised by men who are not their biological fathers. DNA testing is finally making it easy for people to check the paternity of their children

Cheating Political Leaders

50 percent of Americans say President Clinton’s adultery makes his moral standard “about the same as the average married man,” according to a Time-CNN poll.

Ironically With All the Stats Above
90% of Americans believe adultery is morally wrong

This article is dedicated to the man who cheated on me while I was at my grandmothers funeral. At the end his cheating was a blessing.

There are days we just need to keep positive and not cast doubt!!
Below are some great positive affirmations in beliving in your self worth,  betting your self esteem, thinking postive about your  relationship and that you are worthy of having a postive healthy relationship.

• I accept people as they are.
• I admire and respect my partner because …
• I allow love to find me
• I am a good friend; I deserve good friends
• I am all that I allow myself to be
• I am an attractive, happy person
• I am enthusiastic
• I am full of grace.
• I am fully receptive and appreciative for all the love that my partner showers upon me.
• i am in a beautiful relationship with a person who truly loves me
• I am in a loving and passionate relationship
• I am love, loved and loving.
• I am now in an ideal relationship with my perfect partner
• I am receptive to my partner’s romantic advances.
• I am receptive.
• I am treating those I love the most with love and respect
• I attract only healthy relationships
• I can and do what I put my mind, heart and soul into therefore I am
• I deserve to be loved fully and completely
• I give out Love and it is returned to me multiplied
• I greatly admire and respect my partner for all that they are.
• I have a wonderful partner and we are both happy and at peace
• I know that I deserve Love and accept it now
• I love myself and naturally attract Loving relationships into my life.
• I make friends easily wherever I go
• I possess great inner-strength.
• I rejoice in the Love I encounter everyday
• I release any desperation and allow love to find me
• I release any desperation and allow love to find me; I attract only healthy relationships
• I release excessive control. I live positively and let live in a positive relationship.
• I release the pain of my unpleasant experiences in love
• I verbalize my respect and admiration for my partner daily.
• My energy blends perfectly and beautifully with my partner’s energy.
• my perfect love partner and I are together in mind, body, and spirit
• My relationship is filled with love, passion, understanding and fun
• My relationship is strong, filled with love and trust

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