Some user friendly websites that I have found for internet dating are as follows: POF.com, Singlesnet.com, and OK Cupid.

POF facts you may want to know more about

POF.com (Plenty of fish) offers a lot of free features that one you may find very enjoyable are the chemistry match questions, search, online chat, the meet me section where you can click on photos of available singles, and trying out the ultra match section for free.  I especially liked the chat section because you can go in ask members who have been there awhile what they think of the site and how they are approaching their online dating.  They were all really very honest about how they were addressing online dating and gave me some good tips on how to approach the site even though a lot of profiles held inactive members. Some of the features you can enjoy if you upgrade are extra mail storage, access to ultra match, quality photo upgrades, see if your emails are read, and experience the site ad free. Some slight disadvantages to the site are a lot of people you may write to are no longer single or available, and simply forgot to delete their profiles, and there are only 7 pictures you can post to the site as a non paying member. A great amount of time is spent getting to know who is and who is not really there, and some humans just don’t respond at all. This doesn’t it any easier in finding live bodies to correspond with.  It is still a wonderful, delightful site for what it is, with a lot going for it.

Singlesnet.com features you may want to dive into further

Singlesnet.com (not to be confused with singles.net) is a really great site. For the plus side on the features, you can chat with someone live, email the gold members (paying members) for free, set up your email, view member’s profiles, and do a proprietary match. Other cool features are the sending a free flirt, save a contact, and instant message chat request. You would not have to make a chat request if you decided to become a paying member. One very whimsical element to this site is that the site will tell you if this person is more of your match a friend, or an enemy depending on how they answered their profile questions. It’s so clear as to who you would want to avoid by just seeing this percentage, as well. Someone with a high level of enemy rating would most definitely not be a good love match for you.  Some benefits to becoming a paying member, automatic chats, not requests, your profile becomes a gold member profile and it stands out more to other members, and you can send an email to both gold and non-gold members. A not so easy to use feature is the log in feature. Whereas most sites have their log in feature to the far upper left or right side of the screen, this site chose to put their log in information far down below all other material, center, in very tiny letters. It is extremely hard to see the letters, too. It does finally take you onto another page with the bigger log on information, but that step just makes it more time consuming.

OK Cupid; little things you might want to check out more

The site OK Cupid really cracks me up, first the name, then this wonderful lady named Cupidista (Meghan) comes and welcomes you to the site in an email. She even gives you extra photo slots just for being an active member in good standing. Others things I like about the site are that you have up to about ten photo slots and you can select people to view by your preference list, and email people without paying a single dime out of your pocket.  There seems to be enough singles on the site to write to, and you can even upgrade and know who has put you on their A list, or get more saved messages (over 300).  A special section called “you might like” is embedded underneath your main profile picture, and is super simple to use. One drawback to the site is that sometimes you can’t find out where to delete an older photo.  I had to write to support about that one. I am still waiting on a reply back, but other than that, it is an enjoyable and user friendly site.

Emotional Connection in Dating

I am not a fan of texting. If I give a man my number, (if he is lucky enough to get it) the very last thing I want for him to do is text me. I am very serious about this to the point of a making it a cause. Here is my reasoning behind this thought process:

Texting, not personal and no real reason
Yesterday someone I didn’t even hardly know texted me and asked me if I wanted to meet. I just kept thinking “why doesn’t he just have the courtesy to phone me and ask?” I feel a phone call or meeting in person is much more personal and is a special brand of caring. In person, you can see someone’s dazzling smile, sparkling eyes, and endless personality features that float over their faces as they are trying to express something. On top of this, instead of him respecting that I did not want to text, he texts back “yes, but it’s a common way of communication.” I really don’t compute or understand this, not by a long shot. Men pay special attention here; if a lady firmly states “I don’t want to text,” she is not kidding, she does want you to stop texting immediately, and it’s not some” sexual innuendo.” Furthermore, it’s not common. I kept thinking common for whom, Asama bin Laden? The man is dead, I rest my case.

Texting while driving, here is your wake-up call
To those who text while driving, I am not a fan. Believe it or not, people have died from doing this very thing. According to the Washington Post “A quarter of U.S. teens ages 16 to 17 who have cell phones say they text while driving, and almost half of Americans ages 12 to 17 say they’ve been in cars with someone who texted while behind the wheel.” Teens state that a lot of their parents also text while driving. Do you really want someone to care deeply and passionately about you to remember you by the last texted words “I love you” yet never be able to see that expression again in person? You couldn’t see the emotions pass on his or her face because now he or she is no longer with us as a living, viable human being. It’s a lonely world when you lose someone close to you. Don’t let the reason be because the text bug came and took the life out of you.

Sexting; not the new text craze
Sexting in this case is where you send asexually explicit picture images to someone’s mobile phone. This might work for married couple, but it surely does not work for single people. Many singles take advantage of this form of communication. Male singles take note; “it’s a huge turn off” to a potential mate. Not only will she view you as a “sex predator” she will not consider you for long term anything. She will immediately remove you from her inner circle at Google Plus or Zoosk, and no longer pay any attention to you. Only the really desperate would apply to your relationship card, and who in their right mind would want a needy person? “Needy people can just pack up their bags and fly home!”

Reasons behind texting, the truth revealed
Reasons why most people want to text are; “I’m bored, I’m lazy, and I can’t communicate well in person.” What is this really saying to a female? I am bored I’m lazy, and I can’t carry on a decent conversation in person. Listen up folks! Bored, lazy, and non communication should not be your idea of a potential mate. If you happen to get lucky, find someone that moves you, let there be a healthy balance. Have the person call you, hear the voice behind the face in a picture, and not a hollow empty text. Meet with the human; decide if he or she is worth your time, and seeing that person again after you have evaluated the person. After all, dating is an evaluation. If you want to meet someone of quality, be quality. If someone doesn’t like texting, understand there may be strong, legitimate reason why that person doesn’t like texting. We were all born beautiful, unique human beings. We don’t all like the same “pizza”, and we are not all cut from the same cloth. I really hope you enjoyed and got some real value out of this article. Feel free to ping, re-post and give your comments below. Enjoy your lives and Namaste!

I started internet dating again about a month ago. These are some things I have come to realize or are the opinions of my friends and associates. It is definitely a numbers game, the person you match with might not be the person you end up being soul mates with, and some will talk all day long on the chat line, yet never meet you. Also, try to avoid the smug people. They will frustrate you every time.
Online Dating Is a Numbers Game
Online dating is a numbers game. Wake up and smell the roses if you didn’t know this. You’ve got to keep on playing the numbers, till that one combination becomes the winning one, and you end up married to the person of your dreams. If you set your sights high, then you need to remember you are only going to be concerned about 10% of the people who write to you on a dating site. The other 90% are there to weed through, sort out, and throw away (delete the emails from the universe). It can be quite frustrating to walk through the mundane, but eventually you meet the right person, and you don’t wonder about the time the person was not in your life.
Sometimes There’s an Irking Earl lurking Around the Corner.
I’ve set my personal standards higher because I am seeking my soul mate at this point, but what I personally found ridiculous lately, is a particular guy, we will call him Earl. Earl shouts at me on one of the dating sites I am on. He seems really anxious to meet me, and we almost end up meeting the same day because we are getting along great online. There is genuine interest. However, after he leaves for a holiday, only 3 days later, I never hear from Earl again. Did I do something wrong here, absolutely not. Earl, I believe, is an online shout cosmonaut. He just shouts at people and he never intends to meet them. Is Earl a dating frustration, definitely! It’s time to pack up my bags and move on from cosmonaut Earl.
Where You Meet Someone, Mix It Up
A friend Tracy, age 30, is on one particular dating site. She has various new pictures, about 10 in all, all new and done up by a professional photographer, and even has a very catchy title, but does anyone catch her, no. It’s been about a couple of months and now she is starting to worry about it. What Tracy may not understand though, is that you can’t put your eggs in one basket. There are other places to meet people, and Tracy should be looking there, too. One can meet by a matchmaker, a coffee shop outing, a church, a meet up, all sorts of groups or networking events to name a few. Once you open up your horizons then the more likely the numbers game will work in your favor, and you are likely to meet the person of your dreams. Sitting alone in your room is not going to get you your soul mate. You must make some kind of effort, or your results will never be what you hoped for.

Smug People Have No Reason
Have you ever met some who thought that he or she was God’s gift to the world on the internet, and thought they were better than you? Wake up. This person is not worth your time, and I wouldn’t think twice about dating someone like this. People need to look at the whole picture of what they would like and need in a mate. Smug people might go around thinking they are better than everyone else. What they are really doing is hiding some insecure feeling that they aren’t that great in some area, or they wouldn’t be over projecting themselves. If you really do feel good on the inside and out you will not be trying to overcompensate when you are out there talking to people in the real world. I hope this article has given you more insights to the frustrations of online dating and things you can now avoid in the future.

Being on time is like a “high five”!

Have you ever been on date where you arrive on time, just as planned then someone calls you to tell you that they are running late or they have hit last minute traffic that they forgot to plan for? Think of how the person feels having to wait. It just starts to set a different non-positive tone to the occasion and the coffee party hasn’t even started yet.  Leave your house or place of work knowing the traffic patterns for that time of day. If you aren’t sure, check with a local radio station’s broadcast or look it up online. This not only saves the waiting time, it makes a very good impression on your date. Imagine both parties arriving on time, and how much less stressful it is when that magic takes place. 

Direct eye contact is the way to go.

In having direct eye contact, it shows you are interested in the person and gives off a positive vibe. If you can remember that keeping eye contact is also a way of making a connection with someone, it will help improve the situation. Even, if in your mind, there are over a 1,000 things you are thinking of, keep the focus on your date. It’s a win-win situation, and you will be happy that you decided to give that technique a whirl. 

Follow your intuition; don’t starve yourself.

Have you ever been on a coffee date, and your stomach starts growling at you in protest because you didn’t eat enough prior to the date?  It can be very embarrassing indeed.  Do eat a light snack or meal, so that wait in line is just that, and not a “roaring” contest with your tummy. There’s nothing wrong with sharing a sandwich if things are going well, but it is not advised up front when you don’t even know if you will have chemistry with the other person or not.

If you make a mistake, don’t worry.

There will come a time in someone’s life where he or she says the wrong thing on accident. If this happens, try to imagine that it didn’t, and learn from your circumstance. Most people are extremely forgiving, and understand how nervous a person can be on a first date.

Have something in mind for another meeting.

Whether you bring up that you would like to see the person again towards the weekend or wait a couple of days to call, think about places where a good conversation will work. A museum, a zoo, a sporting event, even an amusement park can be great second date events to keep the conversation flowing.  After spending time at one of those venues, you will probably have some highly fond memories of your time spent, which might in turn lead to more future dates.

American dating customs before the 1900s

After the Puritans set their sails, and landed in America, they established vigorous religious principles. Marriagebetween a man and woman during this era was seen more as a business deal instead of a loving commitment. Men brought security and wealth to the table, and women brought their dowries and the ability to produce children. Negotiations behind the scenes were made between the parents of the man and his future wife as to how the wealth would be decided, with very little input from the marrying couple.

Habits of dating during the 1930’s

Right after WW11, couples getting engaged, then married, was flourishing. The servicemen would return from their posts, to find eitheran old flame, or a new one, to propose, and walk down the aisle of commitment. During this time a letter from a serviceman’s sweetheart was considered golden, and many couples kept their letters in journal boxes. Later the couple’s would upon these treasured gems with extremely fond memories. During this span “necking” became the big thing, and many men took their dates to ice cream, or venturing out to dances.

Ritual dating during the 1940’s-1950’s: 

This particular time frame involved couples without chaperones. There was much freedom, less formal commitment, and peers had more impact on “the rules.” Instead of a man traveling to a woman’s house, they now went out and the man paid for the date at various establishments. Dancing was also becoming more main stream, and often couples went dancing together in groups. By the time 1950 arrived, couples were “going steady” which meant they were dating each other exclusively without the thought of marriage. During this time period, it was still unheard of for a lady to ask a man for a date.

Dating customs before the 1960s

Couples were now going out on dates with multiple peers until they found their soul mate. During this time, couples often exchanged letter jackets and class rings thinking that this expression within the relationship would further lead to marriage. These “letterman” jackets were quite popular, and the couples also were wearing them as a fashion statement.

Dating protocol during the 1960’s            

During this time, as the feminist movement grew, it changed the way we view dating and marriage once again. Loving duo’s now had shorter, casual rituals, as compared to yesterday when couples dated a long time. There was much sexual freedom during this time period, and females during this era would often choose college over being a good housewife. Formal dates were quite popular. This is where a boy would ask a girl to go out with him to dinner or the movies. For the seating arrangement in the movies, it was wise for a girl to choose the front or middle seats compared to the back seats. The curfew was usually set at “midnight,” during this era, and the men would open the doors for their women. At the end of the date at the front door, a short kiss was customary of the times.

Modern dating rituals

Sexual promiscuity is still very much prevalent, as well as young female teens who find it difficult to support their baby in this term. Group dates where couples date members of their group of friends are now popular. These dates can be simple coffee dates, or alcoholic beverage venues compared to yester year’s long evening outings.  Digital dating services have become all the rage in which men and women have met online. They have been able to view each other’s pictures, pictures, personality traits, and profiles.  Some of these couples have even married their soul mates through these online matches.

In courtship, as in life, you must make the best choices of what you feel is right for you, and who you will want to spend the rest of your life with. Here are some questions to help you make a better decision on your future soul mate.

Describe your relationship with your father and / or mother?
This is when you want to find out if someone was respectful, or obedient.  You want to take a look at the positive or negative view of their parent and figure out if you can live with this person, and his or her views regarding his or her respective parents. Find out the personal stories, and how those stories came to shape that person and his or her life.

How is self-centeredness portrayed in your life?
This is where the rubber meets the road. By asking this question you find out if your future wife or husband is self centered, and by how much? You want to discover if this person can actually be more outwardly focused when it comes to you, your needs, and understanding another’s perspective outside of him or herself.

In striving for self improvement, what personal gains would you like to achieve or improve on?
It’s asked when you see if the person has goals, and are they trying to achieve them. In another case, you could see if the person has a flaw that they are trying to work on. If all this checks out, then maybe you might want to help each other with your gains or personal aspirations.

Does your mother or father have mental problems that can affect the life of your future baby?
It may seem like a tough question to ask someone, but what’s even tougher is if you didn’t know your future spouse’s history and your baby is delivered with a non curable birth defect. No addressed it, so nothing could be done to try to minimize or prevent such an emotional situation. Everyone has the right to know if they biologically have a chance to have a healthy baby. Don’t let pride stand in front of an unborn child’s life.

What types of situations aid your frustration level and how do you diffuse it?
Once this kind of question is asked, you can begin to see if your mate gets easily frustrated, lightly frustrated, or nothing fazes him or her at all. Watch closely the way he or she talks to you after this particular question is delivered. The tone of voice, pitch, and length of the answer can leave an impression, too. This also lets you know if the person has the ability to problem solve when it comes to his or her emotions,

Do you feel you have a teachable spirit?
In this circumstance you find out if your partner can take criticism, learn from mistakes, and build upon new ideas. Would you really want someone who isn’t open to new ideas and learning new things in the long run? You need to know if this person can listen to what you say, even if you are critiquing them, accept the delivery of the message, positively reflect on it, then honestly be okay with what you stated.

Are you a member of a church or how long have you been attending church?
In asking this question, you find out if your mate attends church. Does your soul mate believe in God, or if he or she is an atheist (a non-believer). You could even discover more from this one question by asking if he or she serves in a ministry, and what are some of your partner’s other spiritual beliefs?

How to or not to, your choice, Push Away a Female Spouse and Lose Intimacy

Where did men get the memo that pouting will help their sexless marriage?  By surveying women, ninety-five percent see the same situations in their marriage that will push and shut them down from intimacy. It is like some men were born with a gene that doesn’t realize how their actions can effect how distant their spouse gets. Women across countries, states and cities complain about the same behaviors that shut down their intimate desires and leave them feeling nonsexual.

If anything, I hope this article is a memo to teach men that if they take that time that they haven’t had sex with their spouse and can triple it every time they do any of the following:

Pouty Husband + Turned-off Wife = Sexless Marriage

Walking in a huff, storming out of a room, or pointing out everything your spouse does wrong will shut your woman off from feeling that loving feeling. It is such a bold statement which cuts a deep wound and women have a hard time reconnecting from such an action against them.

Husbands asking the question “Will we ever have sex again?”

When a man asks such a question, a women is thinking “um, just for asking that…NOPE…not now for sure!” If I was beginning to feel intimate, I don’t think the feeling would stay too long because, whether you you realized it or not, you turned me off by asking this and I don’t want you to touch me because you really don’t see me and my feelings, only yours!  This question probably is asked when she might finally feel like she is getting ready to want to be intimate again, because she got over your pouting, storming out or constant demeaning reminders but you just pushed it away with a brick wall by saying “will we ever have sex again?”.

For sex to happen on a regular basis and for it to be passionate and good for the woman, the woman needs to feel safe.  Not just physically safe, but safe with her feelings.  She also needs to know and feel that she isn’t constantly being criticized or that she is disappointing her mate/spouse.  She wants/needs to feel respected, admired, important, loved and as an equal.  Oh we must say that word an equal. Most men, where intimacy is lost in their relationships, often talk down to their mates; therefore causing the woman to loose the feeling of being an equal but more like a dog being constantly punished for not understanding why it just can’t do anything right. If her spouse/mate isn’t showing her they are equal and making her feel equal until or right before bedtime or until he wants sexual intercourse, she will be shut down from him emotionally and physical exhaustion lost how to climb back up the hill to feel tingle wants of intimacy  If this becomes an ongoing pattern, there will be distance between the two harder and harder to bring together.  She will NOT be able to be in a physical relationship with him because there is no emotional relationship.  Women need the emotional relationship for a physical relationship to exist!  I know that men have heard this before!  Why, then, is it so hard for them to figure it out?  The simplest of little things can make a relationship work, but the same lack of things can make it fail.

But men are very good at turning it around and blaming us for the “distance” in our relationship when it simply is something that was rooted way before the intimacy never happened.

Keeping the right women is like nurturing a garden. Like-wise a woman likes to look after your garden, if she has the strength to look after it. But if you don’t water, weed and groom a garden, the garden will have little to give back.

“I’ve already got a female to worry about.
Her name is the Enterprise.” Captain Kirk, Star Trek

Star Trek James T. Kirk, Starship Captain, Starfleet Admiral, Mack Daddy

Wanna get lucky tonight?  The fact that you’re reading this article tells me the answer is “yes.”  Well, read along and learn how that sci-fi classic Star Trek, and specifically the great teacher himself, James Tiberius Kirk, has taught man all he needs to know about hooking up.

Just so we’re clear, I’m talking about real Star Trek, i.e. the 1966-69 series broadcast on NBC, and not that simpering, flatulent imposter known as Star Trek: The Next Generation.  What’s the difference, you ask?  Shut up.  Okay, fine, you want a difference?  Real Trek has clear-cut post-World War II era values (we’re here to spread peace – OUR kind of peace) liberally intermingled with philosophy, satire, and pop psychology.  Plus, the Klingons are stone-cold badasses.  TNG has pandering moral lessons, thuddingly obvious metaphors, and that neutered house pet Worf.  Seriously, what’s Klingon for “Uncle Tom?”  More pertinent to our discussion, real Trek has bouffanted yeomen in bullet bras, and drool-worthy guest hotties like Yvonne Craig and Sherry Jackson in all manner of skimpy outfits. TNG has Whoopi Goldberg dressed as a Franciscan nun.  What about star trek Voyager? I will not dignify that question with an answer.

I wish to further state I have not watched Star Trek since it was broadcast late at night on local New York television back when I was going to NYU in the ‘80s.  And I was usually baked at least half the time.  So if I misremember the occasional detail or quote, I don’t want to be the recipient of a 2,000 word indignant e-mail from any kind of Trekkie or Trekker or any other emotionally-stunted member of the Trek Taliban.  I am not going to recount individual episodes chapter and verse because, plastic-eared arguments to the contrary, that is not a skill to be proud of.

“Brace yourself. The area of penetration will no doubt be sensitive.”

I grew up in the 70s, which meant I was raised on the television of the 60s because those shows were in syndication all day and night.  And so I learned from an early age to pattern myself on the swinging decade’s televised alpha males; Joe Mannix, Napoleon Solo, James West, Thurston Howell**, all the top studs.

And make no mistake, every hour-long drama with a male lead was about one thing:  watching that guy get laid.  Wrongly convicted doctor Richard Kimball (The Fugitive) popped up in a new town every week, ostensibly on the run from the law while searching for the his wife’s real killer.  Yet he always seemed to have plenty of time to bang Suzanne Pleshette or whoever was that episode’s guest babe.  Cat burglar Al Mundy (It Takes a Thief), slick as a greased eel, was sprung from prison to steal for the government which he most enthusiastically did…right after he porked every woman above the age of consent on three continents.  Oh, you never saw the porkage, but the show made it damn clear what would be happening after the end credits.  Robert Wagner would take the girl’s arm, crack a smarmy double-entendre, and wink at the camera.  He may as well have dangled a Trojan Magnum and a handful of roofies.

(BTW, as I rough draft this article at a diner off I-5, there’s a gay Cuban couple in the booth next to me.  They’re alternately arguing in rapid-fire Spanish and taking pictures of everything on their table.  Way to set the ambiance, guys.)

“My people pride themselves on being the greatest, most successful gamblers in the universe. We compete for everything -- power, fame, women -- everything we desire, and it is our nature ... to win.” Star Trek

This brings us to James T. Kirk.  Our sensei.  We are but masterless ronin wandering the bars and dating sites and co-workers’ wedding receptions, looking for the right woman who will do all the wrong things.  Kirk is our master, he who unites us through his wise teachings.  Because in that great televised bachelor pad, Kirk was different.  He got laid in the future. Yet his maxims reverberate to the present because they are applicable to any era, be it 1968, stardate 3045.1, or TONIGHT.

Here then are Star Treks, Captain Kirk’s 10 Ways to get a girl:

1) Dress Well. You ever see Kirk in baggy shorts and geeky tech engineering tradeshow cap?  ‘Course not.  He’s always rockin’ that Federation uniform, shirt tucked in and shoes polished.  Next time you go out, set yourself apart from the horndog rabble by selecting a black sport jacket and slacks.  A black suit is even better.  Why black?  So you can spill stuff on it, dummy, and still look like you posess an aura of cool mystery.  Plus you’ve probably heard black is slimming and it is.  That’s why so many hot chicks wear it.  But don’t be the dork who wears all black.  Unless the name on your birth certificate is Johnny Cash, you’ll look like a pretentious tool.  Make sure you bring out contrast (and get yourself noticed) with a light colored shirt and bright tie.

2)  Bring a Wingman. Two are even better.  It shorthands you have social skills.  Why else do you think Kirk brought Spock and Doctor McCoy with him everywhere?  Savvy as always, Kirk also made sure his wingmen would be no competition in the looks department.  Truth be told, Kirk is a rather unremarkable looking guy, already getting a gut in his mid-30’s.  But then get a look at the heavybrowed train wreck that is Spock, or the crumpled wrapping paper visage of Bones, who looked old enough to be his own grandpa, and you see why Kirk got his pick of the green-skinned litter.

3) Drive a Decent Vehicle. Kirk rolls in the USS Enterprise, sleekest ship in the galaxy.  And make no mistake, the alien poon goddesses love it, especially when they get a look at the captain’s massive…chair.  Don’t let your potential quest see you take the bus, ‘cause it will be game over.  Women want to see the car.  Why?  Because it shorthands both your taste and earning potential.  Full disclosure:  I’m currently unemployed.  All I had to eat today was a peanut butter sandwich.  Yet I’ll give up food altogether before surrendering my Infiniti because that car makes women think I’m still solvent.  I can always tell them the truth over breakfast.  (If I was the sort of unoriginal putz who used emoticons, I’d wink there.)  If you don’t have a car, then again, avoid the bus.  Take a cab when hitting the town in search of ladies.  It will make a difference.  Remember, Kirk had no problems taking the shuttle now and again.

4) Keep a Clean House. Again, this brings us to the Enterprise.  Not only was it a flying babe magnet, but it also served as a plush crib.  (Do kids still say “crib?”  Do kids still call each other “kids?”)  Once an Orion slave girl was in Kirk’s captains quarters, she was all his.  In the blessed event you do bring a woman back home, make sure you’ve already put the Lucky Charms-encrusted dishes in the washing machine, picked last week’s BVD’s off the floor, and for the love of god, made the bed.  And even though we’re all Star Trek fans here, best to put that model of the Romulan drone ship into the closet.  Or trash.

5)  Embrace the Exotic. This one is literal.  Kirk banged every type of female there was regardless of skin color or home planet.  You may think you have a type and doggedly hold out for only that, but all you’re doing is making what could be an already-daunting situation even tougher.  Ever notice on countless TV procedural dramas, the hot girl who gets evicerated is a different type from episode to episode?  That’s ‘cause if they killed a blonde cheerleader every show, you’d get bored.  So they kill off a slinky Asian babe one week, a smokin’ black girl the next, a red hot brunette the following ep…you get the idea.  Just so we (and my lawyer) are clear, I’m not suggesting you emulate a serial killer.  I’m just advising you sample from the buffet, and always be ready to try something – or someone – new.

6)  Have a Quip On Your Lip. From the mind of James T. Kirk:  “Mr. Spock, the women on your planet are logical. That’s the only planet in this galaxy that can make that claim.”  See?  The guy’s a riot.  Well, maybe not so much, but he is dryly witty.  Granted, this is not an exact science because humor is subjective.  You like Adam Sandler?  Chances are you do because someone is going to his movies and it sure as shit ain’t me.  On the other hand, I absolutely love the 1987 flop Ishtar.  Yep, I’m that guy.  Anyway, my point is that you can use the same funny line on five different gals and get five different responses.  Stick with the girl who laughs; the others will be too much damn work.

7) Accessorize (within reason). The phaser and communicator aren’t just nifty gadgets, they complete Kirk’s look.  Each is elegant and functional, but not gaudy.  And more important, Kirk doesn’t fuss about with them when getting his mack on.  Yeah, I’m talking to you, junior, always texting or looking up who starred in Early Edition just to impress some co-worker.  (Anyway, it was Kyle Chandler.)  As a rule, turn your phone off and only check for messages every two hours at most.  And if talking to a honey, ignore texts from your idiot friends.  They’re only going to make you look like a weenie, which is their secret plan all along.

Dare to be a Little Dramatic. Let’s not kid each other.  Kirk could be a bit of a showboat.  Hell, he could be the whole damn Mississippi.  Just look at the flourish he put into whipping that communicator open and saying, “Kirk to Enterpriiise.”  And let’s not get started on that wackadoodle reading of “I’m losing command!” he gives when those creepy children take over the ship.  However, a little, repeat, a little flair will convey you have a sense of awareness and style that sets you apart.  Honestly, no one’s better at this than another James, last name of Bond.  Look at the way that son of a b&%! orders a drink.  Think he goes through all that shaken not stirred crap to amuse himself?  Hell no.  It’s to blow Pussy Galore’s foxy little mind.

9)Flaunt Your Hot Chick Friends. After Spock and Bones, who’s next on the invite list whenever Kirk beams down to a new babe-enriched planet?  That’s right — Lieutenant Uhura.  Kirk knows the presence of a fine female at his side will only make him appear yet more desirable.  This may be a tougher one to pull off, ‘cause you actually have to have a hot chick friend to make this work.  But, oh, it pays dividends.  A good looking woman friend of mine (Miss Skokie, Illinois, ’84) once walked up to a babe I had my eyes on and got the girl’s phone number for me!  Dude, that is a superpower only hot girls can use on each other, so it is well worth the time to invest in a friendship or two with an attractive co-worker or classmate.

10) Make Your Life Sound Important. There were many other starships and captains.  But only Kirk dropped that “five year mission” and “to boldly go where no man has gone before” line because it made him stand out.  Okay, it was his show.  But think of your life as your show.  Do you want that smokin’ blonde to think of you as an assistant credit report analyst…or a financial officer? Do you spend the day data-processing…or are you analyzing risks? Are you stuck having to babysit your sister’s kids…or do you work with children? (Women FREAKING love that, btw.)  You’re not lying.  Well, not so much.  You’re just puffing yourself up a bit to impress the girl, but that’s okay.  I guaran-damn-tee you she’s doing the same.

“Mr. Chekov, I know you and Miss Landon find each other fascinating, but we’re not here to conduct a field experiment in human biology.” Star Trek

Now it’s time to put these lessons to the test.  I said at the beginning you can make these ten tips work for you tonight, and I still mean TONIGHT.  You don’t have to use them all.  No slick car or hot female friend?  No biggie. But you CAN put on a jacket and tie (mandatory) and you CAN establish your own sense of style and presence to set yourself apart.  Kirk nails every woman in the universe with the above truisms, but they spring from his own personality.  In short, Kirk is being true to himself.  And you can do the same.

“Worlds may change, galaxies disintegrate, but a woman always remains a woman.”
**  C’mon, he wore an ascot!

This article is dedicated to our hero,
the babe magnet
Captain Kirk, Star Trek

There are days we just need to keep positive and not cast doubt!!
Below are some great positive affirmations in beliving in your self worth,  betting your self esteem, thinking postive about your  relationship and that you are worthy of having a postive healthy relationship.

• I accept people as they are.
• I admire and respect my partner because …
• I allow love to find me
• I am a good friend; I deserve good friends
• I am all that I allow myself to be
• I am an attractive, happy person
• I am enthusiastic
• I am full of grace.
• I am fully receptive and appreciative for all the love that my partner showers upon me.
• i am in a beautiful relationship with a person who truly loves me
• I am in a loving and passionate relationship
• I am love, loved and loving.
• I am now in an ideal relationship with my perfect partner
• I am receptive to my partner’s romantic advances.
• I am receptive.
• I am treating those I love the most with love and respect
• I attract only healthy relationships
• I can and do what I put my mind, heart and soul into therefore I am
• I deserve to be loved fully and completely
• I give out Love and it is returned to me multiplied
• I greatly admire and respect my partner for all that they are.
• I have a wonderful partner and we are both happy and at peace
• I know that I deserve Love and accept it now
• I love myself and naturally attract Loving relationships into my life.
• I make friends easily wherever I go
• I possess great inner-strength.
• I rejoice in the Love I encounter everyday
• I release any desperation and allow love to find me
• I release any desperation and allow love to find me; I attract only healthy relationships
• I release excessive control. I live positively and let live in a positive relationship.
• I release the pain of my unpleasant experiences in love
• I verbalize my respect and admiration for my partner daily.
• My energy blends perfectly and beautifully with my partner’s energy.
• my perfect love partner and I are together in mind, body, and spirit
• My relationship is filled with love, passion, understanding and fun
• My relationship is strong, filled with love and trust

The current day and age, navigating the confusing and often contradictory world of dating rituals can be an intimidating and frustrating experience.

“Never call a man”, “Don’t ask a woman out, get her to ask you”, “Play hard to get”, “Tease her with small insults”, “Cook him a big meal”, “Don’t be too nice to her” and infamous “3 date” or “Two month” or “Six month” rules that schedule events as simple as “when to kiss”, “when to take a vacation together”, “when to propose”, etc. have ruined the spontanaeity and fun of dating. “Do this, don’t do that”. Whatever happened to the REAL purpose of dating: to get to know another individual, to let time take its course and fall in love (for how can someone not fall in love with anyone they enjoy spending time with and learn to appreciate?), and finally enjoying the feeling of being in love and being loved? Unfortunately, American dating rituals and modern customs have made this last, but seminal point of the whole ordeal: to meet and get to know someone you will want to love, almost moot.

Many advice columns and books tell you that if you follow certain rules or tactics, you can make yourself attractive to the opposite sex almost independent of who you are. While I believe it is true that looks is not a very important consideration when you’re looking for the love of your life (he or she may not come in the package you expected), what most advice columns and “dating method” tricks ignore is that you cannot magically make yourself attractive to another and build a healthy relationship with someone if

a) you are an uninteresting person on your own,

b) your life is not together, or

c) the other person’s personality clashes with yours.

In the case where you and your date’s personality clash, well, there’s nothing either one of you can do about it, so it is good to keep in mind when the dating process eventually arrives to its inevitable conclusion. But in this case you’ve both gained something out of the experience: you’ve met and gotten to know someone, and you’ve learned about yourself. If you handle things properly and the personalities are not insidiously incompatible you may have even won a friend. It is just a part of dating.

But in the case of items a) and b), you should ask yourself if this is the REAL reason you are unsuccessful at dating. Perhaps it has nothing to do with whether you called her on a Monday or a Tuesday. Perhaps it is not whether you cooked him fish instead of chicken for dinner on the 3rd date instead of the 5th date. But if you think about it, all your actions–when/if you call, whether you buy her flowers or a card, whether you pick her up or she meets you somewhere, whether you treat her with respect or tease her with insults, whether you kiss him, sleep with him, or just hug him,what you do and where you go during your dates, etc, ALL OF THIS, is a reflection of both of those items.

Is your life not together? Are you unemployed and can’t invite your date out to an activity that you will both enjoy? Do you have other commitments at home that require you to limit the time you have available for dates or cancel them while they are going on? Do you feel unhappy about where your life is going at this point in time? Are you in the process of moving away to some other location? Are you new in town? All of these circumstances and situations will affect how you date, and your personal situation will sooner or later become evident to the person you’re dating. If you’ve been smart enough to choose someone worthwhile to date, who has the same goals in dating as yourself (we’re assuming the only real purpose of dating is what we stated at the beginning: to meet and find someone to love), then when you don’t have your life in order they will immediately realize that investing in a long term relationship with you is probably a risky prospect. Many people might decide not to get further involved with you if this is the case.

Are you an uninteresting person? Are you negative, sarcastic, or a general buzz kill? Do you have angry outbursts? Are you selfish? (selfishness is the biggest turnoff for women, while neediness seems to be the biggest turnoff for men). Or perhaps you don’t have any serious personality flaws but your life revolves around work and TV (or work and videogames, which seems to be the Bay Area equivalent!). Do you have fun hobbies that someone else (i.e. your date) might like to learn about or share? Do you have an exciting social life that your date might want to participate in? Are you happy? It goes without saying that throughout the dating process both sexes evaluate what the other person brings to the relationship. If you are unable to contribute in an amount equal to what your date brings, chances are the relationship won’t go very far.

“Well, alright, these are all good points, but how does that help me when dating?” you might ask. Well, the biggest secret to dating is –that there is just one secret. And this one secret is this: Are you happy? It is this question that encompasses all of those items a, b, and c. above. If you are a genuinely, unhesistatingly, and enthusiastically happy, you’ll be an irresistible date. Everybody likes to be around positive, high-energy people who are confident and content with where their life is at the moment. Rules will suddenly not matter, because if you’re happy you’ll have the confidence to break or follow conventions and rituals according to what feels right for the situation. If you are happy, too, you will know when to let go of dates or situations that are draining, unhealthy, or are not leading you to where you want to go.

O.K., I forgot. There IS another little secret. And it is this: date only happy people. Yes, they are rare (because many people say that they are happy when everything in their life reflects that they aren’t), but when you find one, and you are happy too, I guarantee you that your dating experience will be all that it was always meant to be: wonderful.

by TechieGirl