Do Guys Have Intuition?

men intuition on dating marriage and relationshipsFemale intuition seems to be getting all the glory these days. The fact that it’s got its own name speaks for itself. Does it warrant its royal status? What about male intuition? If I’m a guy, does it mean I’m less intuitive or not intuitive at all?

The stereotype

The North American interpretation of Yin-Yang seems to be quite literal. If you’re a female, you possess a certain set of abilities, intuition taking the podium. If you’re a male, you have none of the female gifts, but you are well endowed with your own, unique to males, qualities. While there is some scientific support for some cognitive differences between males and females, focusing on them, in my opinion, caused a great deal of disservice to both parties.

The truth

As I have written in my “The Wife Always Knows”: Myth or Truth? The Work of Intuition in Relationships article, neuroscience gave us great clues about intuition. While explaining the underpinning of our “something’s wrong” or “Eureka!” moments, none of the articles I’ve read distinguished between male and female capacity for such experiences. In fact, the general ability to collect vast amounts of information and establish patterns unconsciously belongs to the HUMAN brain.

What is intuition?

To reiterate the point, let me go through the steps of how intuition works. Imagine a stealth radar quietly surveying the field at all times and collecting data about it. At some point, the radar collects enough data to start making sense of it. Eventually, it establishes a pattern. The pattern exists because certain things happen in a predictable manner. When the pattern is broken, we have a feeling about it, which we refer to as intuition.

Intuitive communication

We all have this marvelous function of our brain to raise alarm when something is off. It is achieved through the activation of our warning system, which fires up the adrenal glands and produces:

  • increased heart beat,
  • more laboured breathing,
  • tight muscles and
  • sweaty palms.

Research showed that people who are more in-tune with their heart beat and other physiological signs of stress are better able to make decisions intuitively. (Notice, the research did not differentiate between men and women.)

Example

For instance, your garbage truck comes at 6:30 a.m. every Wednesday, and you have learnt to talk yourself down from getting upset because the truck wakes you up with its noise. Today is Wednesday, and you woke up and thought to yourself, “Something is different. Something is not right.” Your intuition gave you the heads up because the pattern was broken – the truck didn’t come.

Case for female intuition

Somewhere in my readings, I did come across a couple of points that might explain why female intuition is leaving us guys in the dust (seemingly).

  1. It’s not that the female brain codes the information differently, but perhaps what is paid attention to is somewhat different.

    It was suggested that as traditional primary care-givers women have been wired to recognize and interpret signs of distress from their young better than men.

    In addition, since women have been long surviving in the male-dominant culture, they needed to be more attuned to their environment.

    Consider this study, for instance, that found that women outperform men in identifying emotions such as fear and disgust.

    As a result of these evolutionary and socio-cultural differences, women became better at collecting and interpreting signals from people around them thus increasing their intuitive capacity.

  2. Stemming from a similar cultural argument is another explanation for the preference for female intuition.

    Since women are traditionally socialized to be in-tune with their feelings and to express them more freely than men, when they experience inner alarm, they are more able to notice it, verbalize it and even act on it.

Final thoughts

Countering the above argument, one could refer to endless examples – from Albert Einstein to Steve Jobs – of men crediting their intuition for their discoveries, achievements and accomplishments.

Granted, those examples apply more to the world of business and science than intimate relationships, but I have a feeling – call it male intuition – the world is changing… for both sexes.

P.S. For more on intuition from an experiential point of view, check out Simply Spirit: A Personal Guide to Spiritual Clarity, One Insight at a Time. It has a whole chapter devoted to intuition.

 

 


Tips For the Unromantic on How To Be Romantic

Being romantic doesn’t come naturally to everyone. It’s especially harder for men.
Here are 7 ideas for any man who is struggling to be romantic and doesn’t know where to start.

Use Technology , try Oh Don’t Forget App for Android.
This free app is a gem. It gives you the ability to schedule text message which can be sent to someone else or yourself. The perfect app to remind your loved one you’re thinking of them or to remind you when of your anniversary. Make if fun. Send a text a day to your loved one with an encoded message that only the two of you would understand.

tips to be romantic

Scared of romance being expensive?  Think out of the box.
An old college boyfriend presented me with flowers. They weren’t roses, but an assortment of flowers. He told me that anyone can pick up a dozen roses; roses are common and average. However you are not a common person to me and you are not average in my eyes. I wanted to pick flowers that took me some time to show you how much you mean to me.  The flowers he chose cost significantly less than a dozen roses, but money could never buy the greater meaning behind them.

Get crafty, make a handmade card or a romantic presentation.
Whether it’s you finger painting a heart or doing a PowerPoint slide show of pictures of the two of you to your favorite song, they’re going melt just seeing that you cared and were thinking of them.

Couple time, schedule a photo shoot.
If romantic just isn’t you, leave it up to the professionals to schedule a photo shoot of you and your loved one. Surprise them by going out and picking a nice photo frame and explaining that it’s going to be used for the photo shoot that you have arranged.

Kill two birds with one stone, get a pedicure together.
There is something to be said for a man who has no fear of getting a pedicure. Women will give a man bonus points if he has nice feet. Sadly, the men who refuse to get a pedicure are often the ones who need it the most. A pedicure doesn’t mean you will get your toes painted pink or red. You will get to relax, soak your feet, get a foot message, and get rid of the calluses that make men’s feet unattractive. Getting a pedicure together can kill two birds with one stone. You get a massage and attractive feet while you bond with your loved one who is sitting beside you, grateful that you were fearless to step into her world.

Become poetic, show them you notice who they are day to day.
A poem doesn’t need to rhyme. Why not write a list of ten, twenty, fifty or one hundred things you like about your significant other. For an added touch, make each one a different color or font, print it out, roll it up, and add a bow around it from a colored string or ribbon.

When all else fails, go to the basics.
Candles, Flowers, Food, Cards. Bubble Baths, Chocolates, and/or Balloons.  Adding new windshield wipers to her car or getting her a new dog bowl for her dog might make you think you’re being romantic, but stick to what is proven to be romantic for others.

Understanding How to Fight Fair When Relationships Have Tense Moments

couples fighting fairWhen couples dating or married get into arguments it is important to fight fair.

Not fighting fair can really damage a relationship. The minute a couple can embrace fighting fair when an argument arises their relationship will grow to be stronger  and both parties will see the other partner has the other partner’s best interest in mind . Below is a list of do’s and don’ts when fighting.

Each party should never do the following:

  • Attacking of giving insults
  • Blaming, criticizing and or judging
  • Name calling of any kind
  • Using profanity
  • Character assassination. For example calling the other person “Crazy”
  • Playing games to win the fight and prove the other one is in the wrong
  • Threats. For example bringing up divorce
  • Yelling, throwing, hitting or pushing
  • Give ultimatums
  • Bring up every other fight or issue the relationship had in the past
  • Give the silent treatment
  • Bring in other people or their opinions
  • Walk out the door without saying you will be back later

Do:

  • Be soft with the words that are use
  • Be kind and gentle, remember you are equals
  • Reassure your spouse by saying loving things, like compliments or praise during the argument
  • Take responsibility for what you can change that caused the argument and can improve the relationship. There is always room for self growth
  • Ask for what you need in the relationship to get past the argument
  • Complain without blaming your spouse
  • Work on seeing the other person’s perspective
  • Focus on feelings
  • Stop when you feel you are losing control and take a 20 minute break, make sure, to ensure your partner it is only 20 minutes and you will be back and not abandoning them or the hurt their feelings.

Relationships will see an immediate difference if the couples fight fair and the relationship will grow stronger.

Is He Cheating? 10 Signs to Watch Out For

Below are ten signs of cheating to watch out for such as: the password protected computer, and permanent voicemail, etc.

Ten Signs that your mate is cheating

1)   The computer suddenly becomes password protected; computer cheating

Lauren and Bill were dating for about a year, as time went on Bill began to password protect things, and take Lauren off of friend permissions for Face book. Finally it got to the point where Lauren questioned Bill about it, (she questioned herself, is he cheating?) he immediately became defensive, and an explosive fight followed. They then promptly ended their relationship. Someone who does this to you is not even a friend, and don’t be fooled by the deception.

2)   They come home and are freshly showered; power shower cheating

Glenda and Sam had a marvelous relationship, till over a period of several weeks, Sam became a power shower guy, always showering before he came back from work or the gym. She started to wonder, is he cheating? People are creatures of habit, and most would prefer to use their own shower at home. Sam, when confronted, admitted to cheating, and they went ahead with counseling.

3)   They start shaving or waxing in new areas; wax cheating

Astonia and Clarence were in a great, healthy relationship for five years. Towards the fifth year, Clarence had this uncanny knack for wanting to get places waxed he never took an interest in before.  When Astonia asked him about the new interest, Clarence had gotten so vague, along with his eyes shifting in a way they had never shifted from him before. She instinctively knew he was cheating and didn’t stop to think, is he cheating? He felt so guilty, that he ended up admitting to it, as well.  At this point they then tried to salvage their relationship.

4)   They start paying special attention to their appearance; fashion cheating

Greg and Sonya had a loving marriage for 14 years.  All of a sudden, Greg who is a slob by true nature, starts paying special attention to fashion. He started ironing his clothes, buying new ones, adding special cologne to his attire, acquired a new hair cut, and pedicure. Sonya, of course, asks herself “Is he cheating?” and confronts Greg on this issue. It was discovered, you guessed it; Greg was cheating.

5)   When you call them, it’s only continuous voicemail; phone-o-phobia cheating

Tasha and jack were in a relationship for 7 years.  It was then that jack got the seven year itch and decided he could cheat. Soon he started doing something very peculiar, he stopped answering his phone. Tasha, knowing that Jack had never let his phone go to voicemail before first thought, is he cheating? She then asked Jack directly about it. Their relationship did not survive the seven year itch.

Statistics are shown below from the Associated Press on Cheating: (Current as of February 2012)

  • 35% of men and women have professed they cheated while on business trips
  • 17% of men and women have implied they cheated with a sister or brother in law
  • 74% of men state they would establish an affair if they knew they could not be discovered
  • 3% of U.S. children are the result of a cheating spouse
  • 57% of men polled stated that they committed the act of cheating in any relationship they obtained in their lifetime.

6)   They never clearly tell you where they live; location cheating

Theresa and Rich were dating. Every time Theresa asked where Rich lived, he would state a specific city, but a general territory, never being specific about where he lived. Soon she started having this idea; is he cheating? Since Rich could never come clean about where he lived, Theresa decided to take matters into her own hands and sell him down the river by telling him goodbye.

7)   They claim they live with a roommate | uncomfortable with you visiting; classic roommate cheating

Steve and Sonja were in their relationship for 3 years. He always went to Sonja’s house, and she never visited his. At first she thought, he will want me to visit over time. When Sonja would ask, Steve was always evasive, and a quick excuse always seemed to follow the careful questioning. After much time went by Sonja asked herself; is he cheating? Soon after, they were in counseling over his mistake.

8)   They meet you at parks, or at your house only; social places cheating

Claire and Ted were dating for approximately six months.  Ted a strange habit of always asking Claire if she would like to meet for a picnic at a local park, or go to her house, never stopping to invite her to his home. After a bit of time, Claire asked more frequently about seeing Ted’s place and how wonderful it must be. Ted, kept being evasive, and made so many excuses, Claire began to question herself, is he cheating? Claire then asked him to pack his bags and leave upon hearing the truth.  Cheating is not worth it, and it never will be!

9)   They mysteriously disappear during holidays; cheating on holiday

Stacy and Craig are in a marriage where Craig travels a lot since he is in Sales. Lately Craig has been stating that he needs to do business away from home for 3-4 consecutive holidays.  Well Stacy knows that in the past he never needed business time away before on these holidays and quickly hires a private investigator.  She thinks to herself, is he cheating? Upon seeing the report, obtaining a copy of the hotel bills, and gift receipts for items that were certainly never given to her, she confronts Craig. They then wind up on the road to couple’s counseling, and are still seeking counseling currently.

10) They call from a private number; blocked caller cheating

Jasmine and Harold have been seeing each other for eight months. During this time frame Harold went from a regular, unblocked number, to a blocked number. Jasmine, knowing Harold always had a regular type of number questioned Harold. At first he was quick to state it was something the phone company did on their own accord. After careful investigation into the matter behind the scenes, she found what he stated to be a lie. When confronting Harold, he did admit to cheating, and she ended up feeling a very strong distrust of him. It took awhile, in counseling, for her to feel like she could ever trust him again. Cheating, no matter how little the frequency, is not worth the hurt or sometimes the very negative result of a break up.

A Story of an Adopted Child; Relationship Follies

Adopted children; unique, loving, and full of wonder

Adopted children are very unique. They were not raised by their original, loving birth parents that could give them a healthy, well nourished, natural upbringing. Instead, they are shipped off to foster homes, or even worse, an orphanage. Thus begins the story of Faith St. Claire. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, there are approximately 120,000 U.S. children adopted every year.

A partial government report is provided below of the actual breakdown of children waiting to be adopted and where they ended up in 2010.

Trial Home Visit 1%, 62
Group Home 4%, 3,872
Pre-Adoptive Homes 13%, 13,581
Foster Family Home (Non-Relative) 55%, 58,633
Foster Family Home (Relative) 22%, 23,735
Institutions 5%, 5,775
Supervised Independent Living 0%, 84
Runaway 0%. 465

Faith’s journey through being adopted and feeling abandoned

After Faith was frivolously shipped off to an orphanage, within a year she still remembers being asked to go over and hug this one man in his early 20’s who had shown up at the orphanage with his wife. It was explained to her ahead of time by a care giver that he might become her future dad. Faith not even realizing that destiny was calling her and went over and hugged this total stranger with a childlike wonder. The next thing Faith knew she was adopted into this Catholic couple’s household. Even though Faith was rescued from one type of fate, another one was lurking around the corner, and its name was the “feeling of abandonment.” This type of fate is actually more typical in adopted children than most people will ever know. Growing up adopted, Faith never figured out how to be nurturing, loving, and stable in her relationships with others. This further hindered her later in life when she went looking for her future soul-mate. She can recall being young and having a problem with abandonment.

Adopted children are impressionable and need to feel secure

Often children who are taken out of one home and placed in another at an early age, have a hard time learning how to be comfortable when others leave. The older people in their lives could just be gone for a moment, gone for a day, on gone on vacation. Yet, to a young, impressionable adolescent, it may feel like he or she was left behind. Until the moment Faith actually confronted her feelings of abandonment at the right level, she could not get past her tainted view. Until she learned healthy ways of setting that negative feeling aside, she could not more on and feel more secure in the world around her. In her personal relationships with men, after trying to find her future husband, it was very hard for her to feel completely comfortable. Soon, the feeling that she wasn’t as nurturing as others, set in, too.

Faith in the future; fast forward with being adopted and non-nourishment

Fast forward into the future; Faith is now in her early 40’s and she still senses an aura she is not that nurturing towards others as her female counterparts. She is still single, and has not produced any children. She tries her best to be lore like the people around her with supportive instincts and in healthy relationships, but this is done in vain. She strongly feels because she didn’t stay with her original family, not basking in the knowledge that she was loved, she now feels she is living half a life. As much as she can, Faith is still trying to contemplate how to be more nourishing, so she can have a lasting relationship, with a loving husband. Faith’s mood is one of someone trying to complete that last hurdle for the finish line. Unless she becomes the hurdle jumper, attacks this feeling of unbalance, she will not be able to progress into a lasting relationship with her future soul mate. The saddest part of this story is that there are millions of people like Faith, approximately 120,000 each year. They are struggling with these same trials and tribulations. Do you know someone like her? Do you dare to love Faith?

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