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7 Ways To Your Relationship Happiness

June 22, 2012 By Leave a Comment

On the way to finding your relationship happiness, you may have to think about things such as strengths, weaknesses, risks, positive thinking, etc…

1)      Find out who you are on the road to finding a relationship. Do a self analysis to fully understand your capabilities and what makes you shine.

Three important things to consider on your way to relationship happiness are:

  • know your strengths
  • know your weaknesses
  • weigh the risks (what it will cost you to get to the top)

2)      Do what makes gives you happiness and rejoice in positive emotion! Dream big, go for the goal you seek! If you want to be a winner, think like one. John Di Lemme once wrote, “No one but you owns the title deed to your dream.” When you find your relationship dream, own up to it. Do not hide behind an iron curtain. Invest in yourself. Find your dream big relationship. It’s not just another dream. People just like you find their dream relationships every day.

Become the things below, in your relationships to create happiness, and you will go far:

  • Become tenacious
  • Do not give up on your dream of a relationship
  • Be unstoppable!  (let no one hold you down)

3)      Follow successful relationship minded people in your pursuit of your happiness. Do you ever wonder why some people in relationships make their relationships seem so easy to obtain, and they are always happy? The answer is this: they work very hard at it. Successful relationship minded people are not reserved about giving away useful tips. Life coaches such as John Di Lemme, book writers such as Jack Canfield, and people who started off as poor, then later became rich, such as Robert Kiyosaki, built their businesses on cultivating personal relationships with others.

4)      Obtain a positive thought process; keep positive thinking in your relationships. Just as a room can have a lot of clutter, so can our thoughts.  By unlocking the clutter and re-shelving it into manageable compartments in your mind, you will notice you are now clearer thinking, and able to become more viable to a future mate.  Your road to a better relationship can now be paved with gold.

Some things you can do to un-clutter your thoughts and create happiness;

  • Clear your mind of any thoughts on negativity
  • Attack all negativity and conquer it
  • Refocus your thoughts for a clearer view

5)      Champion relationship people listen to their own drummer and exude positveness.  People who have the healthy relationships are often times the people who cultivated their own unique ways of listening to each other, and utilizing communication.  Finding your own way to communicate, that works for you in your relationship, is so much better than if you went with someone else’s way. On top of everything, belief in yourself. The rest will soon follow your path.

6)      Decide you can make a difference in someone else’s life, find your inner happiness, and stick with it.  Whether it’s having friends personally help you find your mate, going to social events where single people dwell, or using an online dating service, stick with your plan of action. Don’t let anyone turn you around. Your happiness believes in you just as much as you believe in your future relationship.

Three ways of achieving for formulating a difference in someone’s life are as follows:

  • Find the change you seek in life
  • Visualize the vehicle you will use to achieve your dream
  • Seek the vehicle you want to utilize to achieve this goal

7)      Practice achieving positive, inner happiness habits to create your perfect relationship. Your habits say just as much about you, as the clothes you wear, your accessories, and the way you keep up your car or things you own. Whenever you want to think of something negative, just wipe it away, and continue on with your day.  Soon the good habits will outnumber the bad ones, and the newly found relationship with your soul mate will thrive.

Several things you can to do form successful relationship happiness habits are as follows:

  • Work towards obtaining rewards healthy habits
  • Consistency, find it, then keep repeating successful actions for it
  • Keep yourself motivated and don’t ever stop

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Filed Under: Dating Ideas Tagged With: How to Find Love

Is He Cheating? 10 Signs to Watch Out For

June 20, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Below are ten signs of cheating to watch out for such as: the password protected computer, and permanent voicemail, etc.

Ten Signs that your mate is cheating

1)   The computer suddenly becomes password protected; computer cheating

Lauren and Bill were dating for about a year, as time went on Bill began to password protect things, and take Lauren off of friend permissions for Face book. Finally it got to the point where Lauren questioned Bill about it, (she questioned herself, is he cheating?) he immediately became defensive, and an explosive fight followed. They then promptly ended their relationship. Someone who does this to you is not even a friend, and don’t be fooled by the deception.

2)   They come home and are freshly showered; power shower cheating

Glenda and Sam had a marvelous relationship, till over a period of several weeks, Sam became a power shower guy, always showering before he came back from work or the gym. She started to wonder, is he cheating? People are creatures of habit, and most would prefer to use their own shower at home. Sam, when confronted, admitted to cheating, and they went ahead with counseling.

3)   They start shaving or waxing in new areas; wax cheating

Astonia and Clarence were in a great, healthy relationship for five years. Towards the fifth year, Clarence had this uncanny knack for wanting to get places waxed he never took an interest in before.  When Astonia asked him about the new interest, Clarence had gotten so vague, along with his eyes shifting in a way they had never shifted from him before. She instinctively knew he was cheating and didn’t stop to think, is he cheating? He felt so guilty, that he ended up admitting to it, as well.  At this point they then tried to salvage their relationship.

4)   They start paying special attention to their appearance; fashion cheating

Greg and Sonya had a loving marriage for 14 years.  All of a sudden, Greg who is a slob by true nature, starts paying special attention to fashion. He started ironing his clothes, buying new ones, adding special cologne to his attire, acquired a new hair cut, and pedicure. Sonya, of course, asks herself “Is he cheating?” and confronts Greg on this issue. It was discovered, you guessed it; Greg was cheating.

5)   When you call them, it’s only continuous voicemail; phone-o-phobia cheating

Tasha and jack were in a relationship for 7 years.  It was then that jack got the seven year itch and decided he could cheat. Soon he started doing something very peculiar, he stopped answering his phone. Tasha, knowing that Jack had never let his phone go to voicemail before first thought, is he cheating? She then asked Jack directly about it. Their relationship did not survive the seven year itch.

Statistics are shown below from the Associated Press on Cheating: (Current as of February 2012)

  • 35% of men and women have professed they cheated while on business trips
  • 17% of men and women have implied they cheated with a sister or brother in law
  • 74% of men state they would establish an affair if they knew they could not be discovered
  • 3% of U.S. children are the result of a cheating spouse
  • 57% of men polled stated that they committed the act of cheating in any relationship they obtained in their lifetime.

6)   They never clearly tell you where they live; location cheating

Theresa and Rich were dating. Every time Theresa asked where Rich lived, he would state a specific city, but a general territory, never being specific about where he lived. Soon she started having this idea; is he cheating? Since Rich could never come clean about where he lived, Theresa decided to take matters into her own hands and sell him down the river by telling him goodbye.

7)   They claim they live with a roommate | uncomfortable with you visiting; classic roommate cheating

Steve and Sonja were in their relationship for 3 years. He always went to Sonja’s house, and she never visited his. At first she thought, he will want me to visit over time. When Sonja would ask, Steve was always evasive, and a quick excuse always seemed to follow the careful questioning. After much time went by Sonja asked herself; is he cheating? Soon after, they were in counseling over his mistake.

8)   They meet you at parks, or at your house only; social places cheating

Claire and Ted were dating for approximately six months.  Ted a strange habit of always asking Claire if she would like to meet for a picnic at a local park, or go to her house, never stopping to invite her to his home. After a bit of time, Claire asked more frequently about seeing Ted’s place and how wonderful it must be. Ted, kept being evasive, and made so many excuses, Claire began to question herself, is he cheating? Claire then asked him to pack his bags and leave upon hearing the truth.  Cheating is not worth it, and it never will be!

9)   They mysteriously disappear during holidays; cheating on holiday

Stacy and Craig are in a marriage where Craig travels a lot since he is in Sales. Lately Craig has been stating that he needs to do business away from home for 3-4 consecutive holidays.  Well Stacy knows that in the past he never needed business time away before on these holidays and quickly hires a private investigator.  She thinks to herself, is he cheating? Upon seeing the report, obtaining a copy of the hotel bills, and gift receipts for items that were certainly never given to her, she confronts Craig. They then wind up on the road to couple’s counseling, and are still seeking counseling currently.

10) They call from a private number; blocked caller cheating

Jasmine and Harold have been seeing each other for eight months. During this time frame Harold went from a regular, unblocked number, to a blocked number. Jasmine, knowing Harold always had a regular type of number questioned Harold. At first he was quick to state it was something the phone company did on their own accord. After careful investigation into the matter behind the scenes, she found what he stated to be a lie. When confronting Harold, he did admit to cheating, and she ended up feeling a very strong distrust of him. It took awhile, in counseling, for her to feel like she could ever trust him again. Cheating, no matter how little the frequency, is not worth the hurt or sometimes the very negative result of a break up.

Filed Under: Advice for Men

The Top 15 Healthy Relationship Ideas

June 10, 2012 By 1 Comment

Intimacy Problems in MarriageBelow are top ideas or thoughts as to what makes a healthy relationship:

  1. Likes to listen when you have something on your mind; This person will listen when you have a problem, and not brush it aside, or make it seem like it’s not that big of a deal.
  2. Does not yell, scream or humiliate you in front of other people; Do you know anyone who tends to want to be drama and raises a big fuss when the smallest of things are bothering him or her?  This is not a healthy indicator of a person you should be involved in a relationship with.
  3. Encourages you to try new things; he or she will think up new things for you to try. It actually enhances your relationship and keeps it alive.
  4. Alternates between texting or calling you; this person does not call all the time or text all the time.  He or she has a healthy the number of times he or she texts or calls.
  5. Does not accuse me of flirting or cheating. This adult believes in giving and receiving trust, and truly believes that his or her significant other is not out there betraying this delicate bond of trust.
  6. Is very supportive of things that I do outside of our relationship.  This man or woman will not mind it if you have a hobby outside of the relationship.  Other hobbies can strengthen a relationship, and make it more interesting.
  7. Understands that you have your own life, as well; people who are in healthy relationships have a balance, between their work, their social lives, and hobbies. A man or woman who can see how the different things his or her soul mate does outside of the relationship can help strengthen it, He or she will not be as likely to criticize any differences.
  8. Does not get too jealous or possessive; men and women should have a certain amount of respect and trust for one another.  Getting too upset or jealous of the other person’s friends is not healthy and I don’t understand why people think this form of behavior is acceptable.
  9. Is well liked by your friends; a great indicator, I have always felt, is if your friends approve of your significant other.  If they have strong reasons why they don’t like the person, there is usually some signal there that the person may not be suitable for you.
  10. Doesn’t do things to physically hurt themselves because of you; in a healthy relationship, no one physically hurts themselves intentionally to get what they want. If someone is doing this, it is not a healthy factor, and the person acting out in this way should seek special help immediately.
  11. This person will not constantly check up on you or makes check in.  I can only see manipulation in this type of behavior when someone checks up too often.  There should always be a balance of checking in, if people do decide to do that, and it shouldn’t be a constant thing.
  12. Will not try to keep you from seeing or talking to your family and friends; family and friends often help keep your relationship balanced?  Why take your friends and family out of your social equation when they have helped you become the person that you are today?
  13. Keeps an even mood; in the right relationship, there will be no extreme mood swings, getting extremely angry or throwing tantrums on you one minute, then being extra sweet the next.  Also, if this person is sweet and apologetic right afterwards, be very cautious.
  14. Never makes you feel like you are “walking on eggshells.” Have you ever met someone who made you feel like you aren’t good enough? Have you ever met someone who criticized so many things you did in your life, that even if you had accomplishments, you now were no longer happy about them because of all the criticism?  If you have been treated like this, it is time to pull up your personal carpet, and move out. A healthy relationship thrives on praise, and the right person will make you feel special the majority of the time, not the opposite.
  15. This person never makes you nervous; a person who makes you a little too nervous over time is not the right individual for you.  Sometimes when people meet they are nervous, but this is not something you will feel 24-7 as time goes on.
Filed Under: Dating Ideas

The Top 5 Relationship Patterns | Unhealthy Divorce Facts

June 10, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Lack of communication; the number one cause of divorces

Billy and Mariah were very much in love, and had many things in common.  When Billy reached his 40’s he quit his job, went to work for a lesser paying non-profit company and bought a motorcycle, as well.  He didn’t discuss any of this with Mariah, and assumed she would just go along with it.  Mariah was very upset and hurt about the whole ordeal. She became so bitter about these things that she and Billy hit a great divide and soon divorced.  Had they communicated, and talked out their feelings, they might have learned more about the present Billy and Mariah and kept their marriage alive!  Here are some statistics to help you get a better grasp on successful communication and how it works.

What successful communication equates to; as found in associatedcontent.com:

  •  In order to be an effective communicator, both parties should try to be as open as possible with one another
  • Divorce has been common because there is a lack of effective communication of which couples should seek professional guidance on.
  • Communication is the revealing of effective thoughts or ideas, otherwise communication breakdown occurs.

The number two cause of divorce; unhealthy behaviors

The physical, unhealthy bully; he or she might hit you, threaten you, kick, slap, or even just threaten to hit you.  Wake up world!  This is not acceptable as my friend Debbie found out in her relationship. It all started with her low self esteem which led to her letting her partner physically abuse her. Until she learned how to higher her tone level, take responsibility for the downward spiral the relationship had fallen into, she could not move on from that circumstance.  Debbie is now happily married to a really great guy.  She has been a long time friend of mine, and I was ecstatic that she rose above her past and found her happy ending.

In 2010 the Guardian came out with a study in which the following was documented:

  • In 2010 43,186 wives and 14,516 husbands divorced over unhealthy behavior in the American household.

Divorce mistake number three; money

While some say money makes the world go round, others it changes everything (and not in a good way). Keisha and John have a successful marriage if you take out one thing, the balancing of funds.  John is a frugal architect, and has put some money away for retirement. The rest of his cash flow has gone into the joint checking account. Keisha has used this account for Louie Viton eyewear, Coach Handbags, and frequently the Home Shopping Network. When John wants to buy something with his own cash, the cash is nowhere to be found. If they can set up separate accounts, keep the joint account simply as an occasional cash account, then this marriage can be salvaged.  A balance of funds must be established.

A study produced in 2009 at Utah State University, by Jeffrey Drew, can quantify this risk.

  • Over 30% of couples who disagreed approximately once a week over finances were more divorce minded than couples who disagreed about finances several times a month.

Divorce factor number four; mental abuse

Mental abuse can be so damaging, people may not understand this enough, especially in a down economy. Negative things we say to each other have such a lasting, detrimental impact. For this example, Ned and Wendy will come into play. Ned is in his fifties. He is intelligent, kind, positive, and someone who always tries to please others even to the point of endangering his health. Ned’s wife Wendy is not as positive as him, and is a borderline personality. Sometimes she will shout at him; “Ned you are so stupid, don’t you use your head?” Ned soon hears this too much, gets nervous, and starts to feel like he is what she has suggested. Soon his health deteriorates. He then winds up in the hospital with a heart attack, and almost didn’t survive. When Ned embraced new ways to handle his stress and his wife, he took a 100% turn around on his recovery.

Three common facts on mental abuse taken from “The Criminal Justice System’s Response to Battering: Understanding the Problem, Forging the Solutions”. Washington Law Review;

  • Abuse can take other forms than physical abuse. Other forms of abuse may be constantly occurring, while physical abuse happens occasionally.
  • Males and females can be victims of domestic violence (or mental abuse).
  • A general acknowledgment is that many victims are not married to their abuser, but are in other arrangements, or cohabiting.

Cheating; divorce mistake number five

Rachel and Greg are a couple with a Down syndrome child. Greg often felt resentful of not having a normal child or what he thought as a normal married life. He soon turns to cheating; making up excuses as to why he’s coming home late, even taking a fake weekend business trip. Soon, he is remorseful, and tells his wife. He later learns to truly appreciate all the good things he does have.  His wife is spending a lot of time learning forgiveness, and rebuilding trust for a man she thought would never stoop to betraying her. Cheating is a downward spiral that is often beyond repair. Many get stuck in this rut and don’t know how to see their way out of it.

According to the Associated Press there are several factors as to why people divorce, and here are a couple of the statistics:

  • 90 percent of the American population feels adultery is morally wrong.
  • 14 percent of married women have engaged in affairs at least one time in their married life.
  • 61 percent of Americans strongly felt that adultery should not be considered a crime in the U.S.
  • 17 percent of the divorces in the U.S. are caused by a cheating spouse.
  • 22 percent of married men have strayed at least once in their lives.
Filed Under: Dealing with Breakups Tagged With: Cheating, Relationship Facts, Unrequited Love

How Men and Women Are Emotionally Wired

June 8, 2012 By 1 Comment

Men and women are emotionally wired quite differently
Men and women were created to be wired quite differently. A person’s drive is visually connected to their eyes. The more things you see that excite you, the more aroused you can become. A woman’s sexual nature is directly connected to her heart. She is only truly aroused only after she feels emotional harmony, sharing, safety, and closeness. The word sharing comes from a Latin word that means “Socius.” In a marriage type of relationship, sharing can transcend into vulnerable feelings, self affirmations, and thoughts. Men and women alike need to feel secure in this form of sharing and confidant that his or her spouse will be supportive of that person’s affirmations. Support can be achieved through examples such as empathy, reassurance, or prayer. These factors, in general, must be firmly in place before a woman will share herself physically in the closeness of a sexual relationship.

How men and women view emotional intimacy
How relevant is emotionally wired intimacy in your opinion? When a husband hears the word intimacy, he might think of a passionate, physical moment. When a wife hears the word intimacy, she thinks about communication and an emotional connection which is not the same thing. I have heard some men say, “men refer to intimacy as sex, and women refer to it as talk.” A husband may then start to feel less romantic and masculine if his wife does not accept his sexual advances. His wife, in turn, may feel like a robot, if she doesn’t experience the much needed emotional intimacy before sexual intimacy is introduced into the equation. Jonah, just like other men, compartmentalizes sex from everything else he has come into contact with in his existence. Jonahs wife, Sonya, sees how everything is connected to everything else and how it relates to emotion. If Sonya and Jonah can start to better understand how each other really think, their relationship will grow into a much stronger foundation.

How men and women share emotional connections
The first twelve years of their marriage were the emotional ups and downs of very rocky roads. Neither Jonah nor his wife understood how their other half was wired in his or her own special way. In Sonya’s mind pursuing shared intimacy with Jonah was a rich, exciting moment when they began to open up and share their deeper ideas with one another. Jonah struggled because he was assuming Sonya looked at intimacy in the same wave length in which he visited it. Sonya was thinking the same thing of Jonah. Not until they stepped outside of the box, and examined how talk time could powerfully enrich their lives, could they begin to understand each other’s needs.

How men view their emotional boxes in compartments
Men, by nature, view life in the way we view different compartments. In his view his recreation, hobbies, and family are all put figuratively into separate boxes. As an example, disagreements with your wife are in one box, how you spend your work day is in another box, and eating breakfast is in a third box. Men go through their entire day with each box unconnected, and they stand alone. How Jonah and other men think is very relevant to the presentation of how most men also view intimacy. This, in turn, may help you to better understand your own significant other’s needs.

How women’s emotional boxes open up at one time
Have you noticed how quickly your wife can recall an emotional event that happened ten years ago? This is also the reason she can recall exactly when you last presented her with flowers. A woman’s life events are carefully threaded together through her emotions and how she felt at the time that each event occurred. Her emotionality is her life’s time track and remembers those emotions well. Women are much different in their perspective. They go through the same activities but each box has an emotional, invisible thread connecting all other boxes together. All those compartments are opening at the same time. A woman’s thoughts are connected to “all” her emotions. They are also connected to her mind, body, and heart. When one box has been snapped open, there is a chain reaction that takes place. As a last stop on her emotional track, negativity has settled in and affected her positive affirmations. This, in happenstance, becomes the box of how she relates to the world around her. Once men and women begin to clarify how each other’s emotional boxes are different, they can begin to create a much stronger, more fulfilling bond with one another.

Filed Under: Advice for Women, Uncategorized Tagged With: Emotional Pain
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