About Love Engineer Editor

Joanna founded Love Engineer Dating and Relationship Advice blog in 2004 after she saw her friends struggling to date in Silicon Valley. Over the years she has introduced 11 couples who got married and still remain married years later.
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5 Foolproof Tips to DateWorthy Profile Photos

April 30, 2013 By Love Engineer Editor Leave a Comment

If you’re on the dating scene, you know it’s difficult to find the right man or woman – the ONE – the Ron to your Hermione, the Olive Oyl to your Popeye, the Brad to your Angelina. So maybe you’ve tried online dating. And why not?

Out of 54 million single people in the USA, 40 million of them have at least tried online dating – 15 million of them are on match.com alone! So chances are very good that your Mr. or Miss Right is online, just waiting to meet up with you so you can start the love of your lifetime.

Why not tip the scales in your favor with first rate profile photos? Your photo is the first thing a potential mate will see, so it’s got to be great.

Let’s face it – would you rather date girl A or girl B?

It’s the same person, but I’d sooooooooooo click on Girl B! (OK, they’re both me, so don’t make too much fun of my laundry basket in the comments!)

So are you currently Girl or Guy A? Let’s change that.

The top five things to consider when taking your dating profile photos are as follows:

1) Look Your Best – take the time to create a photo where your hair is styled, you’re appropriately dressed AND you’re smiling. This sounds like a complete “Duh!” of a tip, but if you’ve spent any time on match.com, you’ve seen images of men in rumpled Hawaiian Shirts and women in scraped back ponytails. Make sure your hair and makeup (if you’re so inclined) are well done and you’re wearing a simple top and tasteful accessories. You can always break out the Hawaiian shirts again after date #3.

2) Mind the background of the image – this doesn’t mean you have to have a few Picassos and a Maserati in the back of the photo, but it DOES mean you might not meet Mrs. Right if your profile photo was taken with wet T-shirt night at Sharkey’s in Cabo going on behind you. Find a wall – a simple, graffiti-free brick wall is great! – and stand a few feet in front of it. All we want to focus on is your gorgeous face, so don’t go distracting us, ok?

3) Get comfortable – If you don’t know how to pose while standing, have a seat. Feel awkward about your hands? Put ‘em in your pockets or run them through your hair. Try four or five different poses until you get the one that feels GOOD, if you have to. Don’t stress about it too too much – this isn’t America’s Next Top Model.

4) Drop the props – What kind of message does it send if you’re holding a cocktail in the photo? Maybe you think it says “fun party girl!” but it’s actually coming off more “can you call me a cab? *Hiccup!*” Similarly, a man holding a briefcase can be meant to be “studly provider” but be perceived as “complete workaholic”. Just keep them out of the photo and avoid the issue altogether. (About the only example I can come up with to refute this is a dog. Dogs are pretty much universal date magnets.)

5) Hire a pro – if you absolutely want the best result from your profile photo, go with a professional photographer. They can help you pose in a way that’s both figure flattering and interesting and take a variety of photos that show your serious side, your playful side, your cute side and your sexy side (if you’re into that).

Pssssst – If you’re in Orange County, CA and you want to work with me, give me a call at 714.584.8931.

After collecting your payment, we’ll book two meetings – a phone consultation (in which we discuss your interests, what to wear and why you shouldn’t bring your fishing trophy or your mom to the appointment) and your photo session.

At the 30-60 minute session itself, you can bring as many clothing options as you like and I’ll advise you as to what looks best in photos and how to pose so you don’t have that yuck-awkward-I’m-being-photographed feeling. About a week later, you’ll receive a zipfile of 10 fully retouched but still completely, honestly YOU images that will be ready for uploading on facebook, match, eHarmony, etc. Your new, more date-able photos will garner you all sorts of winks, nudges, emails, and most importantly DATES.

How much for this fantastic little morsel of photographic love? $300. 300 little smackers towards getting you, well, big smackers. (OMG, did I just make that awful pun? I’m very sorry about that. I just get kind of corny when I think about people falling in love.)

Here’s the thing, though – this is an introductory thing – a teaser, if you will – for a big, fat, juicy project I have on the horizon so I’m only offering FIVE of these mini sessions at the current price. That’s right. 5. After the first five, the price will go up to $500. $200 is a pretty good incentive to book fast, right?

So call! 714.584.8931! (or if you’re very anti phone, email me at misha@hellomisha.com) Let’s get you on the way to your Angelina or your Brad ASAP!

Filed Under: Online Dating

Tips For the Unromantic on How To Be Romantic

March 6, 2013 By Love Engineer Editor Leave a Comment

Being romantic doesn’t come naturally to everyone. It’s especially harder for men.
Here are 7 ideas for any man who is struggling to be romantic and doesn’t know where to start.

Use Technology , try Oh Don’t Forget App for Android.
This free app is a gem. It gives you the ability to schedule text message which can be sent to someone else or yourself. The perfect app to remind your loved one you’re thinking of them or to remind you when of your anniversary. Make if fun. Send a text a day to your loved one with an encoded message that only the two of you would understand.

tips to be romantic

Scared of romance being expensive? Think out of the box.
An old college boyfriend presented me with flowers. They weren’t roses, but an assortment of flowers. He told me that anyone can pick up a dozen roses; roses are common and average. However you are not a common person to me and you are not average in my eyes. I wanted to pick flowers that took me some time to show you how much you mean to me. The flowers he chose cost significantly less than a dozen roses, but money could never buy the greater meaning behind them.

Get crafty, make a handmade card or a romantic presentation.
Whether it’s you finger painting a heart or doing a PowerPoint slide show of pictures of the two of you to your favorite song, they’re going melt just seeing that you cared and were thinking of them.

Couple time, schedule a photo shoot.
If romantic just isn’t you, leave it up to the professionals to schedule a photo shoot of you and your loved one. Surprise them by going out and picking a nice photo frame and explaining that it’s going to be used for the photo shoot that you have arranged.

Kill two birds with one stone, get a pedicure together.
There is something to be said for a man who has no fear of getting a pedicure. Women will give a man bonus points if he has nice feet. Sadly, the men who refuse to get a pedicure are often the ones who need it the most. A pedicure doesn’t mean you will get your toes painted pink or red. You will get to relax, soak your feet, get a foot message, and get rid of the calluses that make men’s feet unattractive. Getting a pedicure together can kill two birds with one stone. You get a massage and attractive feet while you bond with your loved one who is sitting beside you, grateful that you were fearless to step into her world.

Become poetic, show them you notice who they are day to day.
A poem doesn’t need to rhyme. Why not write a list of ten, twenty, fifty or one hundred things you like about your significant other. For an added touch, make each one a different color or font, print it out, roll it up, and add a bow around it from a colored string or ribbon.

When all else fails, go to the basics.
Candles, Flowers, Food, Cards. Bubble Baths, Chocolates, and/or Balloons. Adding new windshield wipers to her car or getting her a new dog bowl for her dog might make you think you’re being romantic, but stick to what is proven to be romantic for others.

Filed Under: Advice for Men Tagged With: How to Find Love, What to do for Valentines Day

Understanding How to Fight Fair When Relationships Have Tense Moments

December 30, 2012 By Love Engineer Editor 4 Comments

When couples dating or married get into arguments it is important to fight fair.

Not fighting fair can really damage a relationship. The minute a couple can embrace fighting fair when an argument arises their relationship will grow to be stronger and both parties will see the other partner has the other partner’s best interest in mind . Below is a list of do’s and don’ts when fighting.

Each party should never do the following:

Attacking of giving insults
Blaming, criticizing and or judging
Name calling of any kind
Using profanity
Character assassination. For example calling the other person “Crazy”
Playing games to win the fight and prove the other one is in the wrong
Threats. For example bringing up divorce
Yelling, throwing, hitting or pushing
Give ultimatums
Bring up every other fight or issue the relationship had in the past
Give the silent treatment
Bring in other people or their opinions
Walk out the door without saying you will be back later

Do:

Be soft with the words that are use
Be kind and gentle, remember you are equals
Reassure your spouse by saying loving things, like compliments or praise during the argument
Take responsibility for what you can change that caused the argument and can improve the relationship. There is always room for self growth
Ask for what you need in the relationship to get past the argument
Complain without blaming your spouse
Work on seeing the other person’s perspective
Focus on feelings
Stop when you feel you are losing control and take a 20 minute break, make sure, to ensure your partner it is only 20 minutes and you will be back and not abandoning them or the hurt their feelings.

Relationships will see an immediate difference if the couples fight fair and the relationship will grow stronger.

Filed Under: Advice for Men Tagged With: Conflict Resolution, Relationship Help

How Can You Tell If Your Husband Is Cheating?

October 1, 2012 By Love Engineer Editor Leave a Comment

commitment phobic behavior Husband Cheating

No one is happy when they start questioning inside if their husband is cheating.

If you’ve been hearing fairy tale stories since you were a child, chances are, you also long for your own prince charming that will bring you to his castle and cater to your every need. But fairy tales are fiction; and if you wish for a perfect “happily ever after”, you might end up being pretty devastated. Life is hard. Sometimes you’re up and sometimes you’re down. In a marriage, for instance, the reality is that you need to exert a bit of effort to keep your relationship stronger and more interesting. There are times when your efforts are rewarded, but there could also be times when you end up crying. It’s sad to note that many couples who started out with dreams of a “happily ever after” find themselves divorced after a few years.

There are several reasons why couples opt to get divorced, and infidelity is one of them. Once you find out that your partner is or was unfaithful, it destroys loyalty and trust, which are essential in any marriage. It’s best for wives and women in general to watch out for errant behavior that could be signs of infidelity. It’s only fair to the wives to know when their husbands are cheating so that they can decide whether or not they can forgive, forget, and accept. Some signs to watch out for are…
Many say that a husband who suddenly showers his wife with too much attention and lavish gifts could be hiding something. Well, they could be right. When your husband is suddenly overly generous, be wary. He might be doing these things because he wants to feel less guilty about deceiving you.

Below is a list of common signs your husband might be cheating.

1. You’re husband becomes too attentive and too generous.

2. He accuses you of cheating.

A philandering husband often accuses his partner of cheating because he himself is doing it. He can easily get away with it, so he might think that you could also be doing what he’s been doing. So, once your devoted and secure husband suddenly becomes overly jealous and accusatory, maybe you’re the one who should be pointing the finger at him.

3. He has become secretive.

Before, you know his passwords to everything, his Facebook account, phone or PDA, email accounts, and others. It’s not a problem to him if you suddenly use his phone or check his Facebook account. If you want to know where he’s going, he’ll tell you without getting angry. All in all, you know everything about what he’s doing, where he’s going and who are with him. When he suddenly becomes secretive, brush up on your detective skills and start spying. He may be cheating on you. Also, a cheating man is evasive or angry when asked about where he’s going.

When a man cheats, most of his attention is focused on his new “partner”. Likely results are: he stops taking notice of you; he no longer has time for your kids; he forgets about your plans for the future; or he stops demonstrating his love for you. He’ll be too preoccupied with his new “relationship” that he often feels tired and distracted when at home.

Claire Porter often blogs about relationships and marriage. She contributes articles to many health and beauty sites. She also writes about marriage counseling Orange County.

Filed Under: Advice for Women Tagged With: Cheating

5 Warning Signs To Look For In Your Future Online Date

September 26, 2012 By Love Engineer Editor Leave a Comment

Bob Dylan was right. The times are a’changin. Our culture is changing. Our social norms are changing. Our technology and methods we use to connect with each other is changing, and as a result, we are changing with it.

The Internet has had an interesting impact on how we socialize. In some ways, the instant connectivity to a global audience can expand our personal and professional networks. We can chat with activists in Egypt and broaden our cultural horizons. We can put our cats on Youtube and attract a global audience. We can Skype with old friends who live halfway around the world. And we can also use online dating services to find a hot date in a matter of minutes.

One of the most visible shifts taking place in American culture as a direct result of the Internet, is how we find and subsequently court romantic partners. What was once considered a private matter, where discretion and subtly were rigidly observed, is now a sometimes shamelessly public display of vulgarity, accompanied by desperately transparent intentions.

In other words, digitization has forever altered the way we view traditional dating. According to NY Daily News, 30% of all Americans who use the Internet, participate in online dating. This number indicates a big change in the way we traditionally think about dating.

Current online polls indicate that the number of Americans who will turn to the Internet to find love (among other things) will only continue to rise. For now at least, it sure doesn’t look like our daily lives will get any less digital unless you want to pack it up and go off the grid. Chances are pretty good that whoever is reading this, participates in online dating (and if you don’t already, you probably will in the near future).

So, here are 5 things to look out for when you venture out into the dangerous world of online dating.

Over The Top Ego

After all, vanity is one of the seven deadly sins, people. Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental condition where the person has an inflated sense of their own importance. These individuals care only about themselves and think the world revolves around them. This mental disorder can be difficult to identify because behind the super-confident mask is usually a person with a fragile sense of self-worth, and this person will be extremely sensitive to criticism. If you spot these symptoms, in a person, quarantine yourself immediately!

Lacking In Specificity

If someone checks off the “I’ll tell you later” box or has conspicuously few comments, that person may have something to hide, or a lifestyle which requires a lot of explaining. Either way, this individual is avoiding disclosure for a reason, so move on to someone who is in a position to be open and honest.

Whatever They Can Get

Someone who repeatedly indicates “no preference” in too many categories of what they are looking for in a mate, should probably be avoided. It’s legit if a person says it doesn’t matter what religion you are, or if you’re blond or brunette, but a someone who is open to anyone (and anything) is probably just fishing in a huge sea hoping that they get a quick bite without putting in too much effort. Eww. If someone doesn’t care whether or not you have children, children, or has no physical or lifestyle requirements whatsoever, that person isn’t laidback. They are desperate.

Overly Interested in Your Income

Believe it or not, people, there are websites dedicated to uniting “sugar daddies” with their “sugar baby” counterparts. But people looking for these kinds of “arrangements” also spill over into the more traditional online dating scene.
Someone overly hung up on salary or financial status is sending a message that he or she is unwilling to pull their own weight. They could even be a gigolo or a male gold digger! And yes, they exist.

Questionable Interests

This one really doesn’t need a lot of explanation. If someone likes to do weird things in their spare time, they are probably weird themselves. Strange people do strange things. The end.
Now, having said that, you may be wondering how to proceed forward with your online love life. Several independent experts have recommended that the best way to protect yourself when online dating, is to perform a background check on the person before you meet up with them and possibly put yourself at risk.

Anybody who uses an online dating service, or lays themselves out before the strange and freaky cross sections of humanity represented on the world wide web, should proceed with caution and sign up for a subscription with an online background checking service. Third party background check providers such as Instant Checkmate, are a great way to get more information about people you interact with on the Internet. Having unlimited access to a person’s public information, including potential criminal history, is a great way to keep yourself safe, and still have a good time.

Jessica Ruane is a blogger for Instant Checkmate, a company originally conceived to help screen dating prospects. For more of her work, please follow Jessica on Twitter.

Filed Under: Online Dating Tagged With: Online Dating Tips