Un-Happy Valentine’s Day?

Single on Valentines DayFor the seemingly few who are in healthy, happy relationships Valentine’s Day can provide romantic inspiration. But for everyone else it can be an annoying reminder that they don’t have that kind of loving bliss. If you are finding yourself frustrated or lovelorn this Valentine’s Day I want to offer you some food for thought.  First, honestly answer this quiz question:

If the person I’m in love with doesn’t love me the way I want:

a.)    I let go and move on to find someone better.

b.)    I‘ve never had this kind of connection before so I hang in there trying to                     recapture that initial feeling.

c.)     I hate being alone. Any relationship is better than no relationship.

d.)    I date other people but still keep seeing him or her.

Are you holding on to the fantasy that all the good things that happened in the beginning truly define who your significant other is? Are you hoping he or she will change and go back to being the ideal partner you initially saw him or her to be?  I call that leftovers. When food is hot and fresh, and you’re really enjoying it but you’ve eaten all that you can, it usually seems like a good idea to take some home for later. But it never tastes as satisfying the second time, does it? Sometimes it’s still good. It’s just different. The end result usually isn’t fulfilling. Well, the same principle applies to romantic leftovers. When you feel connected with someone, you want more. If he or she doesn’t feel the same, you’re left with whatever he or she is willing to give you. If you choose to starve yourself waiting for whatever crumbs he or she may drop, you most certainly won’t get the nutrition you need or deserve.

If you answered b.) or c.) above and you’re indulging in romantic leftovers, I’m hoping you can see what I’m trying to illustrate. I know you feel like you will never be as connected to anyone else as you are to this person. I know no one else makes you feel like he does when you’re with him. But someone else might not make you feel as lonely and empty as you feel when you’re not with him. Someone else might truly love you and make you feel loved. I promise you this: you will never find someone else that you connect with as much as you do with this leftover as long as you are still allowing him to be a part of your life. You will find someone else if you’re brave enough to let go of this leftover. I promise you!

If the leftover you crave was all you ever got to eat, could you survive?

Imagine what would happen to your body if you only ate once or twice a month or less. Would you get the nutrients you need? Would you feel good? Would you look your best? If you answered d.) above and you are indulging in a hot leftover, I want you to put a nutritional value on the amount of time you spend with him or her. If you couldn’t survive, then throw her out! She has gone bad. She will never again be the person you fell in love with, and you’re too good to wait around and rot while she’s out having fun! I know that is easier said than done when you’re crazy about someone. But it is liberating and empowering when you decide that you don’t want them. Reclaim your power. The person you need to be most crazy about is you!

So this Valentine’s Day celebrate your uniqueness. Don’t allow this holiday to make you feel bad if you’re alone. Be your own Valentine and make a proud declaration that you’re single, rather than in an unhealthy, or bad relationship!

If you’re confused about what went wrong with a great connection, and you’re hungry for a good meaningful relationship, try snacking on my new book Giving Up Junk-Food Relationships : Recipes for Healthy Choices .  Take my Do You Have a Junk-Food Relationship or a Healthy Meal? quiz to determine to quality of your relationship.

Buy Donna Barnes latest book from Amazon
Giving Up Junk-Food Relationships: Recipes for Healthy Choices

 

 


Why You Deserve to be Happy this Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is meant to celebrate love. Remember when we were little and everyone received cards from everyone? No one was in relationships and yet we were all happy and felt special. However, as we enter our later years Valentine’s Day becomes a day dedicated to self-loathing for those who are still single.

valentines dating adviceWe need to stop comparing ourselves to others and focus on what makes us happy. Maybe we are perfectly happy being single or maybe we won’t find the great love our life until later. This is all okay. What is most important is being true to ourselves and realizing what makes us happy. Who says we can’t send ourselves flowers this Valentine’s Day? Who says we have to be miserable if we are single?

I didn’t find the love of my life until my late 40’s. I knew what I wanted and waited patiently until I found the real deal. I had a list of traits that were important to me and at one point I even drew a picture of what I was looking for, and it turned out to be a surprising likeness to the man that is now my husband. However, if it hadn’t have been for countless ex’s and single Valentine’s Days, I wouldn’t have learned how to truly love myself and appreciate everything I have. You can be happy this Valentine’s Day and here is how:

  1. Realize you are totally amazing. Letting anyone’s negativity get to you is totally pointless. You are awesome and the more wholeheartedly you believe this, the better off you will be. Try creating little reminders for yourself. For example, hang a sign or put up an index card that says, “You are Beautiful” or “You Rock!” Look in the mirror and compliment yourself on your best traits. Studies show that you can affect your body’s chemistry on a molecular level based on how you think about yourself.  The way you think can change the way you feel.
  2. Make lists to help inspire positive thoughts. Try making a list of five things that you are grateful for or five things that you love about yourself and post the list somewhere where you will see it everyday, like on the fridge. Gratitude goes a long way and when you remember all the things you have to be grateful for, you are bound to be happier.
  3. Write down what is important. If you really want a relationship, make a list of what qualities or traits you are looking for in a partner. Try drawing a picture and really sitting down and thinking and visualizing what a great relationship would look like. Don’t settle, be patient and you never know when love might come into your life. However, if you don’t know what you are looking for you might just miss it.
  4. Become your own number one. You are totally worth it and you should be your own number one. If you really want flowers, why don’t you send them to yourself? Or plan to exchange flowers with a friend? You are totally worth it, so if Valentine’s Day has a way of getting you down then focus on treating yourself because you are awesome and deserve all the spoils!
  5. Remember it’s all about karma. Giving back is an excellent way to make yourself feel better this Valentine’s Day. In addition, why not try committing a random act of kindness? Send Valentine’s Day cards to strangers or let your co-workers know how much you care about them. Send an email to your best friend telling him/her all the ways they make you feel special. Valentine’s Day is all about love and it can come from many different sources.