Learn How To Choose a Better Partner For You.

dating advice

If you look at your past relationships can you see many similar qualities in your ex’s, even though they were different kinds of people? If so, you might either be choosing the unhealthy version of same type, or you might just be choosing a type that doesn’t match for you.

As explained in the video, if you are choosing someone that doesn’t force you to grow, or is just easy to be around, then perhaps you should begin to look outside of your comfort zone. An easy example is someone who doesn’t want to get in shape so they accept a partner who is overweight. Then, down the line, they become upset because their life is stagnant, want someone to blame, and have an unmotivated partner.

Your “issue” might not be getting in shape but could be anything you are afraid of, or know you should change and don’t want to. Some examples are:

  • Jealousy – (So you don’t choose attractive partners, but feel unmotivated by them.)
  • Fear of abandonment – (Same as above)
  • Drink too much – (Choose a partner who drinks more than you but get upset about it down the line.)
  • Doesn’t have a solid career – (You know they are not working on their issues, so you don’t have to either.)

A lot of this has to do with insecurity and self-love. Lets say I told you I have a partner for you that is just perfect. He/she has a great career, works out, always eats healthy, meditates, and always is improving him/herself, and is looking for a perfect person to be hooked up with. How would this make you feel?

Would your thought pattern steer you away from this type of person? Why? Is it because dating them would force you to make changes you are not ready for? And you wouldn’t want to step out of your comfort zone? This is an indication of choosing someone who might keep you stagnant and make you further frustrated down the line.

Would this make you feel as if they would never like someone like you? If this is the case, then perhaps you are dealing with a lack of self-love or confidence in general. In this case get in touch with why you are a great person to be with, and carry that with you throughout your day.

Is your first thought, “yeah-right,” as if this type of person does not exist? Then perhaps you are dealing with a strong negative self-fulfilling prophecy that keeps you from finding this type of person.

Most of the best relationships I’ve seen are based on two different types that respect one another and therefore motivate each other to step out of their comfort zone. Complementary relationships are those that are two different types that force growth upon one another. So like two pieces of a puzzle, although they are very different, they combine well. There are bigger compromises in this type of relationship but more growth.

There is no “wrong” combination, but moving forward you might need to do something different than what your past instincts have told you. Knowing your personality type, in my book, “The Power of Personality Types” allows you to go after the changes you want for your relationships because you know the characteristics each. Having awareness for these types allows you to be more in tune with who will be a great long-term match for you going forward.

As an exercise, think which relationships you had that were mirrors, and which have been complementary? What was your experience in both? If you continue to pick the same type, have you been evolving at a satisfactory pace, or are you not evolving? What lesson do you keep missing and need to repeat? What problems is your ego trying to re-create just so that they can be overcome?

Insight to these and other questions can be found in Chapter 11 of my book as well as a further explanation of these concepts and the characteristics of “Uncomplementary” relationship combinations. More on how to create the right relationship can be found at www.TheArtofUnity.com. There are also meditations to cope with a breakup by clicking on the meditations tab.

 

 


Breakup Advice – Are You Finding it Hard to go on Without the Love of Your life?

dealing with breakups Finding the love of your life is an incredible high, especially if on some level you view him or her as above your typical dating league.  So naturally, when it doesn’t work out or worse, it suddenly ends without warning, it may feel like you will never find anyone better.  However, it is only that kind of thinking that will prevent you from finding anyone new—I promise you.

Contrary to what many people believe there is not only one love of anyone’s life.   It sucks, and it hurts, and it’s very lonely to lose your soul mate.  But you cannot lose yourself in the process.  No one else defines who you are.  You are who you are based solely on your own merits, not because of the partner you were able to secure for yourself.  I know it doesn’t feel like it but this breakup is the best thing that has happened to you.  It’s giving you depth, compassion and a new perspective on life.  Embrace it!  What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, so if you are having any thoughts of removing yourself from this world, please, please think again.  I swear to you this shall pass and it does get better.  Do not give that kind of power to a selfish person who didn’t value you.

The first step in letting go of someone who hurt you is to knock them off the pedestal you’ve had them on.  I usually recommend not being judgmental, but when someone has broken your heart you have to find their faults to help you let them go.  No one is perfect, and no matter how perfect he or she may have seemed for you, he or she did have short comings.  Leaving you is a major fault.

The reason I say this is good for you is because the insights you are gaining will help you find the new love of your life.  The things that didn’t work in a past relationship usually become the essential qualities we look for in our next partner, things we didn’t know to look for previously.  You probably won’t find someone with the exact same qualities that you loved about your ex, but that’s a good thing.  You absolutely will find someone with better qualities that work better for you.  Do not sell yourself short; your ex is not the only person who will find you attractive.  This horrible experience is helping you grow and actually making you more appealing.

I can absolutely assure you all of these things because I have been there too.  I know how you feel.  I had an amazing relationship with a wonderful man who I thought was the love of my life.  When he couldn’t do it and left our relationship it pulled the rug out from underneath me.  That was a very dark time.  However, it set me on a quest for knowledge.  I did find love again, and lost it again, and found it again, and lost it again.  Each time I felt I would never find anyone better.  It was frequently painful, and at times even debilitating, but in hindsight I wouldn’t change any of it.  It has made me who I am.  I am an empowered woman who knows how to recognize a man who is truly good for me.  I’m now blessed with the best love of my life—whom I wouldn’t trade for any of my past loves.

If you hang in there and take care of yourself I promise you can find better love too.  You need to change your perception.  Decide that you do not want your ex.  You DO NOT want someone who doesn’t want you!  If you need help reach out for it.  Talk to your friends and family, read some good books, you can even reach out to me.  Helping people through breakups is now my specialty—I definitely understand.

Why You Deserve to be Happy this Valentine’s Day

valentines dating advice

Valentine’s Day is meant to celebrate love. Remember when we were little and everyone received cards from everyone? No one was in relationships and yet we were all happy and felt special. However, as we enter our later years Valentine’s Day … [Continue reading]

REAL-ationships vs Illusions

dating relationship issues

We’ve all done it. We have blamed our boyfriend, girlfriend, lover or spouse for our state of happiness, or perhaps more accurately, our unhappiness. We tend to look outside of ourselves for the cause of our problems, and thus, we seek outside of … [Continue reading]

Kissing Do’s and Don’ts

kissing dos and donts

Kissing is one of life’s greatest pleasures that can be shared by two. But not everyone is a perfect kissing match, and certainly not all kissers are created equal. Sadly, we encounter over a lifetime of kissing quite a few kissers who make … [Continue reading]

5 Ways to Bounce Back From a Breakup

dealing with a breakup

Exiting a relationship can not only cause anxiety but cause someone to question who they are and what there life is about. In order to find relief, if you can get in touch with why you were not collaborating and why you have chosen to allow the … [Continue reading]

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