The Dangers of Instant Chemistry in Dating

Dangers of Instant Chemistry in DatingInstant chemistry blows away our best interest sometimes – it messes with our “man-picker” and it works against usIn other words, people often choose chemistry over the whole package.

Chemistry alters our perception and causes us to attach meaning to things that are often inaccurate. For example, if you feel instant chemistry with a man, you may assume that he’s available and that he wants to be in a relationship – the same kind of relationship that YOU want.

This can lead you down the path of creating a whole fantasy in your mind about someone who you know very little about.

Have you ever found yourself obsessing over why a man isn’t calling? Ever analyzed why a man hasn’t followed up after a date? Do you replay conversations over and over in your head, wondering what you could have said differently or done better?

If he’s not paying attention to you, rather than making you want to move towards him - what if his lack of masculine action toward you TURNED YOU OFF? What if it caused you to get bored and lose interest?

What if you could hook up chemistry to when he’s acting loving and wonderful - and moving towards you? The good news is – YOU CAN! I know you can.

You can save yourself from SO much anxiety by simply becoming an observer of what a man DOES.

Men are very simple – they do what they WANT to do, ALL the time. If they’re attracted to you and interested in a relationship, they’ll contact you and ask you out. If they’re not into you or not looking for a relationship, they won’t.

In other words, nothing means ANYTHING unless he’s actively pursuing you. Stop attaching meaning to the chemistry you feel for a man unless he’s showing you with his ACTIONS that he wants to move things forward. This will make things SO much simpler for you!

Reading into everything a man says or trying to “figure him out” is a useless waste of your time and energy. It also creates a whole vibe around you that a man can FEEL – it does the OPPOSITE of attract him, it pushes him away!

You can take all that energy you’ve been using to try to figure him out and use that energy to make YOURSELF happy and create an amazing life for yourself! This will shift your vibe and turn you into a MAGNET for men.

Unlike the superficial kind of “instant chemistry” that makes you feel off-balance, REAL chemistry is something that develops over time – when you build intimacy with someone and feel SAFE with them.



Don’t Be A Victim of Relationship Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a colloquial term created in reference to the theatrical adaptation of a play, Gas Light, to a film starring Ingmar Bergman called Gaslight. The plot involves a a husband who tries to make his wife think she’s nuts. Today, the term “gaslighting” has been created to refer to relationship dynamics where one person feels that another in the relationship is doing the same thing.

gaslighting in relationshipsIf you’re in a relationship and you feel that someone is trying to alter your reality, the first thing you have to understand is that this can only happen when there is the opportunity. So decide how you’ve given someone the opportunity to convince you of a reality that doesn’t feel completely real to you.

Next, give yourself some space from that person. Healthy boundaries are a great tool in any relationship because they give you time and space to check in with yourself and regroup and nurture yourself. So set up boundaries for yourself and respect them.

Learn to say, “Let me give that some thought,” as a response to decisions you’re being asked to make, that you’re not one percent sure about. By saying, “Let me give that some thought and I’ll get back to you,” you’re giving yourself the time and space to consider not just what’s at hand, but the perspective surrounding the request, the relationship and possible outcomes of your decision. Lack of perspective is unhealthy and promotes unhealthy behavior. Perspective is a goal to strive for.

And lastly, take a clear look at the worst case scenario. Many times people act because of what they think will happen if they don’t, not what will happen if they do. In doing this, they tend to spin out and skip steps in the chain of logic that should be the roadmap to a worst case scenario — and paths to take to avoid that. They turn into a storm of negativity. If people can articulate the bottom line in a worst case scenario, they have the opportunity to take the power away from the fear that is driving them to make poor decisions. In other words, simply saying, if I don’t do this, this will happen, allows people to weigh the outcomes, clearly. Will you die if you’re late to dinner with his family? No. So don’t treat the possible tardiness as life and death. Feel yourself breathing more clearly already?