He Loves Your Flaws and You Should, Too

He Loves Your Flaws and You Should, TooI was inspired to write this article over the weekend when I was feeling super blah and bloated from all the food I’d enjoyed during the holiday. 

Don’t get me wrong – it was wonderful to be able to enjoy my family and enjoy some great homemade cooking and desserts…

But as I’m sure you’ll agree, at the end of a holiday, a lot of us feel like we have to “get back on track” as far as our eating habits go.

So over the weekend as my boyfriend and I were lounging around the house, I attempted to get myself into a little bit of a better feeling place by giving myself some pamper time.

So, a hot shower, deep conditioning hair mask, blow out, face mask, DIY mani + pedi, whitening strip, and a few hours later,  I slathered myself head to toe in a rich, velvety body butter, and then completed my ritual by doing my makeup and slipping into a new outfit.

You’d think by this point I would be feeling a whole lot better, right?

Well I wasn’t.

I had a blemish right in the middle of my chin, (which normally never happens to me by this age) and I was feeling “fat.”

Even after my attempt at getting myself into that good, sexy feeling place, I still felt yucky.

My boyfriend didn’t see this though. He was passing by the bathroom and stopped in his tracks…

“You look so beautiful…” he said in awe. 

Confused and feeling like total and utter crap, I looked at him blankly, and just as I was about to say to him, “Are you kidding me? I look gross!” I stopped myself.

He thought I looked beautiful – he just said it himself. What would be the point in ruining that for him, and pointing out how I felt I looked? It would shatter his whole image of me in that moment!

Here was a man standing in front of me going on and on about how lucky he felt that I was his, and how gorgeous he thought I was, and I was about to destroy that completely by going against what he was saying and putting myself down.

Why? Why would I do that?

Luckily, I was able to keep my nasty thoughts to myself and just say thank you before smiling and pecking him on the cheek.

After this I thought a little.

I think a lot of us women do this….

He Loves Your Flaws and You Should, TooWe are SO hard on ourselves regarding our appearance and how we think others perceive us!

Why can’t we just give ourselves a break? 

I realized that we are always our biggest critic, and that most of the time, as long as we don’t point out a perceived flaw to someone else, they usually won’t even notice it. So why bother?

Let them continue to see you as perfect, or beautiful, or whatever – what’s the harm in that?

On top of this, if you think about it, have you ever been around someone who is constantly putting themselves down around others?

It’s not very attractive, is it? It kind of makes you look at them differently… doesn’t it?

A woman who was constantly putting herself down wouldn’t exactly exude confidence…

And I mean, just because we THINK something in our minds doesn’t mean we have to say it out loud, does it?

After all, doesn’t saying something out loud kind of legitimize it? It does for me, anyway.

That’s where that saying, “Fake it ‘til you make it” comes from.

Just because you’re thinking or feeling negatively about yourself doesn’t mean you have to verbalize it.

All this will do for you is plummet your self esteem and shatter another’s image of you.

On the other side of it, I will say that I think there are certain times when it’s okay to talk about your flaws out loud, but only under one condition – that you love yourself for your flaws.

There are plenty of things about me that aren’t perfect.

I have two little lines at the top of my nose – also known as “bunny lines” – from constantly scrunching my nose up. I used to hate them, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve actually grown to like them. They give me character, and they make me who I am.

I realized my boyfriend feels that same way about my “bunny lines,” or whatever other imperfection I have. He loves everything that makes up me, and this includes all of my flaws.

If I choose to talk about this imperfection in a kind hearted, confident way, it’s okay, because I’m not doing it in a way where I’m putting myself down – I’m doing it in a way that shows everyone, “This is me, and it may not be perfect, but I like it anyway, and I’m proud of it.”

Let’s go into the New Year being easier on ourselves and more loving towards ourselves.

It just takes some practice. Here’s what you do:

  1. The second you notice yourself thinking a negative thought, catch yourself
  2. Don’t verbalize it – just let the thought linger in your mind for a second
  3. Then, either out loud or in your mind, say to yourself, “I’m feeling negative about ___ right now, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true. I’m just not in a good feeling place at the moment, but I wont let that take over my thoughts or dictate my self esteem.”
  4. Then say something else positive about yourself, out loud
  5. Move on with your day

Try this out next time you’re feeling critical and notice how much better it feels to be kind to yourself.





What To Do When You’re Feeling Taken For Granted

Taken for Granted in RelationshipsThere may be certain times within your relationship where you’ll need to pull back a little.

In particular, one of those times would be when you are feeling taken for granted by your partner.

Whether you’ve been exclusive with someone for six months or you’ve been married for 20 years, if you’re feeling taken for granted, you’ve got to act – for your sake, and for the sake of your relationship.

But before we get to that part, first, let’s get clear on what it actually feels like to be taken for granted. Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Do you feel as though you are doing more work than your partner is (within the relationship)?
  • Do you or have you been feeling unappreciated by your partner?
  • Do you feel exhausted as a result of doing favors and constantly going out of your way for your partner?
  • Do you feel as though your partner nowexpects certain things out of you that you only used to do every now and then, just to be nice?
  • Have you noticed that your self esteem isn’t as high as it once was, especially when it’s something having to do with your partner and/or your relationship?
  • Does your partner “give back” very little to you in return?

If you answered yes to two or more of the above questions, chances are, your partner may be taking you for granted…

…BUT – Don’t jump to conclusions or get too upset just yet!

Most of the time, if you’re in a relationship with someone who you see as a genuine, good person (and hopefully you are!), they’re most likely not taking you for granted on purpose.

It can be very easy for people to get caught up in habits and routines, and get so comfortable with the way things are, that a lot of the time they don’t even realize how they are being, or how they are coming across to their partner.

And because it’s human nature to become comfortable with things when you’ve been with the same person for a while, there’s a definite possibility of this happening at some point or another in your relationship.

Does that mean that you have a bad relationship, or that your partner actually isn’t as good for you as you thought?

Absolutely not!

Okay, so they’re not doing it on purpose… well that’s a relief.

But what are you supposed to do about it?

How you go about dealing with that icky feeling of being taken for granted will make all the difference in the quality of your relationship down the road.

And the good news is, the solution to this problem lies completely and totally within you.

Now, let’s get down to it.

If you’re feeling this way, chances are, you’ve been doing way too much, and probably for a while now, too.

You’ve been doing too much for your partner, and you’ve been doing too much for the relationship…

…And not enough for yourself.

Maybe you’ve been constantly tending to your partner… maybe you’ve been consistently putting their needs before your own.

Maybe you’ve forgotten how to say “no,” or maybe you never even knew how to say no in the first place.

Taken for Granted in a RelationshipPerhaps you’re married and have children, a home that needs to be taken care of, and cooking that needs to be done, but you find yourself doing most of the work to “keep things together.”

While it’s important to consider the other person’s needs and feelings when we are in a relationship, the needs and feelings of our own (at least most of the time) have got to come first.

Why?

Simple: Neglecting to put our feelings and needs first is the quickest recipe for resentment.

And after the resentment sets in, you start to pile on pounds of anger which you are keeping stuffed down tightly, until one day you explode!

Some people might call putting yourself first being “selfish,” but I believe that practicing selfishness to a certain extent is healthy for both yourself and your relationship.

The word selfish is actually defined as this: Concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.

And what’s wrong with wanting to please yourself?

Putting others (even if they are loved ones) constantly before yourself is a form of self sabotage, because by doing this you are not treating yourself well.

It’s easy to get so used to doing things for our partner and for the relationship that it starts to feel normal to not put ourselves first.

We forget what it feels like to be the one who is being taken care of! (For women this is especially easy, since they are so nurturing and giving by nature.)

Perhaps we’ve forgotten how to let ourselves receive from our partners as well – we are at fault for this (but it’s okay!).

We can get so caught up in doing things for others and be so “in our masculine energy” getting things done, that we forget how to let our partners do things for us.

Feeling that urge to take control of getting things done is normal, but sometimes we need to let it go.

On the flip side, our partner may also get so used to us doing, doing, doing, that they forget to express their gratitude for us, which they are at fault for…

…However, the good thing is, you don’t need their cooperation in order to make things right.

You can do it all on your own.

You can start by re-learning how to say the word, “no.”

Tired and don’t feel like cooking tonight? Don’t do it.

Had a rough day and aren’t in the mood to get the kitchen straightened up? Don’t do it.

Rather take a hot bubble bath with some candles than watch your partner’s favorite show with them? Do that!

Chances are your partner isn’t going to get all crazy-angry on you, especially if you express to them in a non-blaming way that right now it would just feel better to you to do “xyz” instead of doing that.

Re-learning how to say no and doing what you feel like doing can feel pretty weird, and maybe even wrong to you…

But here’s the thing… it takes so much of the pressure off of you, and it’s only a matter of practicing it for a little while before you begin to realize how much lighter you feel.

Your partner may or may not “grumble” for a little while after you’ve changed your ways, but they will get over it.

Putting yourself first is not only healthier for you, it also allows you to be more present in your relationship with them when you are together, because when you have your own affairs in order and you feel good, it’s easier to enjoy their company.

This will improve the overall quality of your relationship.

So, start by making some small changes in yourself by beginning to put your needs first, and things will organically start to shift in your relationship, you’ll see.

You will start to realize that you aren’t feeling taken for granted any longer…

… And the best part of it is, your partner will start appreciating you way more, (and show it too)!